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He's not going to change. Proceed with your plans for your life.
I would like to buy a house, but the bank told me I couldn't do it without a divorce decree. It would be easier for me to stay here to save money for a stretch of time, but I don't know how that would work. I don't have any money saved and if I moved out on my own, I definitely would be broke. I just don't know what to do financially at this point. Its pretty amicable here, besides the occasional guilt trip my husband puts on me. Have you ever been in this situation?
I would like to buy a house, but the bank told me I couldn't do it without a divorce decree. It would be easier for me to stay here to save money for a stretch of time, but I don't know how that would work. I don't have any money saved and if I moved out on my own, I definitely would be broke. I just don't know what to do financially at this point. Its pretty amicable here, besides the occasional guilt trip my husband puts on me. Have you ever been in this situation?
I have been in a similar situation, but that's not really relevant.
I would prioritize my mental health over buying a home.
You have been stagnating in a dysfunctional relationship for 13 years. It's fine to want to buy a home, but that's putting the cart before the horse.
Sure, it's more difficult to support yourself than to live on two incomes, but you have to decide if your own emotional and mental well-being is worth it to you. Staying with someone who is deceptive is NOT healthy in ANY way.
So you reprioritize and take steps that will allow you to buy a home eventually. Get a financial advisor, and look into a collaborative divorce.
I have had some anxiety since all of this mess started. I'm just scared. I question myself and my choices. I envy people who have the gift of decisiveness. I look at every angle of the situation and weigh the pros and cons. I try to accept people as they are because no one is perfect. I have a very hard time giving up on people. This is the first time I've never wanted to put any work in. My husband said, what about the vows, what about working through things? Now your just gonna jump ship?...I feel so guilty.
Bahahahahaha! You're funny! But I agree. But the I also think, I'll have a set of brand new problems with someone else. Isn't the devil you know, better than the devil you don't?
Why are you already thinking of someone else? You were young when you got married. If anything you need time to grow as a person. Another spouse should be YEARS away if ever.
I have had some anxiety since all of this mess started. I'm just scared. I question myself and my choices. I envy people who have the gift of decisiveness. I look at every angle of the situation and weigh the pros and cons. I try to accept people as they are because no one is perfect. I have a very hard time giving up on people. This is the first time I've never wanted to put any work in. My husband said, what about the vows, what about working through things? Now your just gonna jump ship?...I feel so guilty.
Thanks for having my back. He was saying that I wasn't willing to go through the bad with him which is bull because I wouldn't feel this beatdown if I didn't! He was saying that he was all in , death do us part...you know in the sense that nothing was never really gonna change. I didn't really entertain him with conversation because frankly, I didn't want to rehash everything . I didn't even want to put energy into. It didn't matter.
Thanks for having my back. He was saying that I wasn't willing to go through the bad with him which is bull because I wouldn't feel this beatdown if I didn't! He was saying that he was all in , death do us part...you know in the sense that nothing was never really gonna change. I didn't really entertain him with conversation because frankly, I didn't want to rehash everything . I didn't even want to put energy into. It didn't matter.
"Death do us part" is based on the assumption that you both will be putting in a good faith effort to do what is best for your partner.
Unfortunately you already know what you need to do but are too afraid to make a move and that's okay to take your time. Sounds like there may be some co-dependency issues going on as well as his addiction to porn and being a pathological liar. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I know from personal experience that nothing changes until we make the change. Good luck!
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