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There are many ways that your SO may contribute to your marriage that aren't financial. If he works full-time, contributes equitably around the house, and is a good friend and lover, then I think you should cut him some slack.
I knew his salary and hear bare bone life when I married him. I knew what I signed up for. My thought process then & even now is, as long as I have my income it doesn't matter what he makes. Thru the last 2 years we kept our finance separate. We both pitch in on house hold expense without an issue. Typically I don't think about his income or even know about it.
But then tax season comes and we file jointly & I can't help but look at his income and ever year its the same reaction
Question to the ladies who make significantly more than your husband: How do you manage your emotion regarding the difference? As I said, we don't have any financial issue so far but time to time emotional complication shows up that I push back. but it creeps out.
Like tax season when I see our income side by side & I feel uneasy. I am sure he does too
Like when we disagree on big purchase (car or house), he wants something expensive nothing but the best vs. I think we should get something average or slightly below average. Then in back of my mind I am thinking "dude your broke, you can't even afford average, forget cream of the crop. If I want expensive things it makes sense." Then I realize how wrong this thought is and push it back. I never voiced it. This is the first place I am acknowledging it
I don't know exactly how much my BF makes, and I don't want to. I know it's much less than me...but that's as much as I want to know.
I don't know exactly how much my BF makes, and I don't want to. I know it's much less than me...but that's as much as I want to know.
It is different when you are married especially because you file taxes together. My husband always get mad because he will never really get a tax break because of me lol. Making more money does not make you the more important person in a relationship in reality. I think the person making more needs to be cautious and things can change and what goes around might come around. If I am shopping with my husband I often do pay because I really do make more money and if it was the other way around I would be upset. Great thread I just talked myself in to being a lot less selfish lol ��.
This is about me and my feeling and less about my husband. This thread is about seeking advice on how to deal with my emotional uneasiness rather than deal with his income.
I suspect that this is less about his income, and more about his personality. It sounds like he could be weak and indecisive, make poor decisions, and might generally be not-that-impressive of a man. As a man it's one thing to have low-income and live some kind of bad-ass lifestyle and great personality, it's another to have low-income and sit on the couch all day.
I'm willing to bet that the question that's in your subconscious mind, is : "Can I do better than this guy?" And that is an emotionally charged and difficult question to ask , much less answer.
Reverse the situation: If you were a man, you probably wouldn't care if your wife made a lot less than you did. Somewhere along the line, you learned to equate earnings with masculinity and the male role in a hetero relationship. That's old-school sexism rearing its ugly head. You need to find a way to get rid of that.
I take the opposite view.
It isn't "Old school sexism" when a woman wants a more powerful, more competent partner. It is standard sexuality. It isn't even limited to humans, it is the norm across the animal world.
And a woman being told, or pressured, to ignore her human instincts in favor of political correctness ought to be sufficient to cause the "emotional uneasiness" the OP is dealing with.
It isn't "Old school sexism" when a woman wants a more powerful, more competent partner. It is standard sexuality. It isn't even limited to humans, it is the norm across the animal world.
And a woman being told, or pressured, to ignore her human instincts in favor of political correctness ought to be sufficient to cause the "emotional uneasiness" the OP is dealing with.
That is do not true. There is no basis for this arguement from a biological stance especially in talking about the entire animal kingdom. Re the stats and failure rates the world is always changing and stats don't always reflect how things are right now if viewed years later or will be tomorrow. If people only do or not do things based in stats nothing in the world would ever change or progress ex evolution .... People and animals adapt to changes to their environment or they become exstinct !
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Very different when married ....
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