Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I make enough to be in the top income rates... My wife is a very hard worker and I helped her to the point that she earns more than me... It's not hard to make a lot of money, I can do that with just about anyone but I wouldn't do that for just anyone... Do I care who makes more money? I am confuse with the OP... You want him to make more money and you think by doing nothing, he will get there? You have been doing that for a while and you are surprised that by doing nothing, that nothing has changed... Money doesn't grow on trees or fall from the skies...
One can never know for sure, but I'm of the belief that OP would have a serious problem with this arrangement.
Yes, and this is because the OP deep down wants to be the SAHM. I married my wife in our 20's and I thought it was great she valued her career as much as I did. When I brought up kids, she said why add to the human population when there are so many children out there without parents.
Fast forward 10 years, where many of her former career oriented friends, be it doctors, lawyers, public service are now SAHM's. My wife tells me weekly that she hates her job and wants to be a SAHM as well
Fast forward 10 years, where many of her former career oriented friends, be it doctors, lawyers, public service are now SAHM's. My wife tells me weekly that she hates her job and wants to be a SAHM as well
Helpfully suggest she look for a job that suits her better.
Reverse the situation: If you were a man, you probably wouldn't care if your wife made a lot less than you did. Somewhere along the line, you learned to equate earnings with masculinity and the male role in a hetero relationship. That's old-school sexism rearing its ugly head. You need to find a way to get rid of that.
At work, I recently heard a coworker expecting his first baby mention his wife "makes peanuts & its not worth it for her to keep working after the baby is born for that type of salary". I would assume they have the reverse situation as me & similar gap in earning. If I was in her shoe, I would feel equally uneasy knowing I make significantly less than him. On reverse side, if I was the guy making lot of money & my wife making very little choose to continue working while putting kids in day care, I would be little bit upset unless she absolutely loved her job. So regardless of what the situation is, the "uneasy" "uncomfortable" feeling will always exist in me unless it is a partner with similar salary/earning potential.
I am not modern or a rebel or here to change the world. Nor am I a feminist. He is neither too. I don't fool myself into thinking I am modern but I want to stand by the relationship I agreed on without having uncomfortable feeling. But feelings have odd way of showing its ugly head .
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I was hoping you weren't being obtuse, but....
She believes he should make more money than her. The practical issues are symptoms, but the cause is that she's not as "modern" as she thought she was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunetunelover
My husband was unemployed when we married. I didn't care because I made enough for both of us. I didn't want a man to support me, I wanted a man to love me. A companion, confidant, best friend, lover...someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone who would experience all the ups and downs of a normal life with me.
Let these feelings go and enjoy your happy marriage. Don't borrow trouble!
Thank you Lunetunelover, that is exactly how I felt when I got married and even to this day I still feel this way. But sometimes when I pay attention, I worry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by j0nx
Yes, and this is because the OP deep down wants to be the SAHM.
Who would give up the life of staying home & doing things on your own time for show up at work 8 am. You are right, there is part of me that wants to stay home when the time comes. That is part of the worry but I made alternative investment to carry me thru that phase (career break) in my life. He knew how I feel about the career break before marriage. Its not a major problem but it is one of the many underlying issue that creeps up when I focus on his income.
At work, I recently heard a coworker expecting his first baby mention his wife "makes peanuts & its not worth it for her to keep working after the baby is born for that type of salary". I would assume they have the reverse situation as me & similar gap in earning. If I was in her shoe, I would feel equally uneasy knowing I make significantly less than him. On reverse side, if I was the guy making lot of money & my wife making very little choose to continue working while putting kids in day care, I would be little bit upset unless she absolutely loved her job. So regardless of what the situation is, the "uneasy" "uncomfortable" feeling will always exist in me unless it is a partner with similar salary/earning potential.
Make no mistake that the uneasiness is there regardless. I have to constantly remind my wife that we cannot afford to have her stay home with our soon-to-arrive child. I only started earning more than her in the past few years. Even if I were making six figures we wouldn't be able to afford it. Quite honestly it SUCKS to constantly remind her that she agreed to work to be able to afford our house and this child. It also sucks knowing that my earnings both current and in the foreseeable future are inadequate to provide the life that my wife wants for herself and our child. She makes it very clear, intentionally or otherwise, that this is a huge deal.
The truth is that this type of irrational emotional thinking really ruins the best-laid plans and creates a lot of tension.
Who would give up the life of staying home & doing things on your own time for show up at work 8 am. You are right, there is part of me that wants to stay home when the time comes. That is part of the worry but I made alternative investment to carry me thru that phase (career break) in my life. He knew how I feel about the career break before marriage. Its not a major problem but it is one of the many underlying issue that creeps up when I focus on his income.
I remember saying the exact same thing when I was expecting my first child. My co-workers, who were all SAHMs at some point, informed me that I could expect to do virtually nothing on my own time, and that children are more demanding and irrational than any employer or client. As one of them so eloquently out it "We're all here at work to get a break from being SAHMs." I didn't believe them of course... but they were 100% right. Not saying you should or shouldn't stay home; just that it is no where near as cushy a gig as some might imagine.
That's hedging a huge bet, though. First, just because one has the money, that doesn't mean one is going to use it traveling the world. One may not want to retire early, either. And then there's the possibility of health or other reasons that preclude traveling. So I, personally, would not make early retirement and traveling the world criteria.
True, but then we wouldn't likely work out for other reasons, namely incompatible life goals.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
