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I was looking for work and my fiance Dennis brought up (and I agree) that it would be better for me and Thomas if I waited to pursue work until after he started kindergarten. It was like a huge brick was lifted off my shoulders because, although my head tells me that I want to get back in the work force, my heart wants to be home. Dennis was the one who brought it up, and he showed me just how much of a real man he was by putting us first and his aspirations at moving down to Florida dead-last. (Florida has crappy schools unless you live in the rich parts...I have done my research...and we already know about the crappy state of most Oklahoma schools). The schools in Fort Wayne in the NE part (where we live) are rated 7-10 out of 10 and receive an A rating from greatschools.org. The one I want to send Thomas to is about a mile away and rates 10/10. As long as we provide his transportation, I can send him to whatever school in town I want. I like Fort Wayne. Hate their winters, but I have really adapted to this city and their (for the most part) friendly people. But their summers are FABULOUS - usually in the 70s and low 80s and hardly no humidity. I don't mind staying here. It will be at the expense of Dennis's happiness, but he will get over it and what counts is he knows that Thomas is first. I think he came to his senses in that he realizes that once you have a kid, your dreams, i.e., him moving to Florida, will have to be put on hold either temporarily or even permanently.
So your fiancee wanted to go to Florida, you didn't, and so you stayed. Your heart wants to be home, and now you're home. You're happy and your fiancee isn't. Congratulations?
Last edited by Hivemind31; 04-21-2016 at 08:38 AM..
I was looking for work and my fiance Dennis brought up (and I agree) that it would be better for me and Thomas if I waited to pursue work until after he started kindergarten. It was like a huge brick was lifted off my shoulders because, although my head tells me that I want to get back in the work force, my heart wants to be home. Dennis was the one who brought it up, and he showed me just how much of a real man he was by putting us first and his aspirations at moving down to Florida dead-last. (Florida has crappy schools unless you live in the rich parts...I have done my research...and we already know about the crappy state of most Oklahoma schools). The schools in Fort Wayne in the NE part (where we live) are rated 7-10 out of 10 and receive an A rating from greatschools.org. The one I want to send Thomas to is about a mile away and rates 10/10. As long as we provide his transportation, I can send him to whatever school in town I want. I like Fort Wayne. Hate their winters, but I have really adapted to this city and their (for the most part) friendly people. But their summers are FABULOUS - usually in the 70s and low 80s and hardly no humidity. I don't mind staying here. It will be at the expense of Dennis's happiness, but he will get over it and what counts is he knows that Thomas is first. I think he came to his senses in that he realizes that once you have a kid, your dreams, i.e., him moving to Florida, will have to be put on hold either temporarily or even permanently.
And you're OK with that? No way would I be OK with me getting what I want if the tradeoff is my husband being unhappy. Surely there is a compromise you both can agree on where neither one of you has to sacrifice being happy at the expense of the other. Unless one of you is too selfish to compromise.
And you're OK with that? No way would I be OK with me getting what I want if the tradeoff is my husband being unhappy. Surely there is a compromise you both can agree on where neither one of you has to sacrifice being happy at the expense of the other. Unless one of you is too selfish to compromise.
Stupid question: What is the compromise? Moving in the middle where neither one likes it?
She is selfish for wanting to stay where they are?
But he is not selfish for moving the family across the nation for no good reason at all?
There isn't a huge career waiting for him if I understood correctly (i might be wrong). He just WANTS to live in FL. She just WANTS to live where they already are.
Stupid question: What is the compromise? Moving in the middle where neither one likes it?
She is selfish for wanting to stay where they are?
But he is not selfish for moving the family across the nation for no good reason at all?
There isn't a huge career waiting for him if I understood correctly (i might be wrong). He just WANTS to live in FL. She just WANTS to live where they already are.
Staying may very well be the best move for all concerned. Conferring upon him the much desired title of "real man" seems a bit premature though. I'm sure he has other dreams that can be set aside, so let's not jump the gun.
Stupid question: What is the compromise? Moving in the middle where neither one likes it?
She is selfish for wanting to stay where they are?
But he is not selfish for moving the family across the nation for no good reason at all?
There isn't a huge career waiting for him if I understood correctly (i might be wrong). He just WANTS to live in FL. She just WANTS to live where they already are.
An example might be a compromise where they move, but she still gets to stay home like she wants. That's just an example...I'm not in their shoes and don't know what's appropriate for them. But when two people want different things, there probably should be a give-and-take on both sides, that's what a compromise is.
From prior posting history, OP married rich, got divorced, married older, is living off his pension, and doesn't want to work. All of that is fine on its own merit, but there is no "compromise" taking place in that scenario.
I agree that uprooting life because he wants to isn't compromising either, but the blase reference to being "at the expense of (his) happiness" implies, well....a lack of concern for his happiness. In addition, the "real man" implications are naturally going to incite a few posts on their own. As it stands....there's a few "more balanced" interpretations out there
An example might be a compromise where they move, but she still gets to stay home like she wants. That's just an example...I'm not in their shoes and don't know what's appropriate for them. But when two people want different things, there probably should be a give-and-take on both sides, that's what a compromise is.
From prior posting history, OP married rich, got divorced, married older, is living off his pension, and doesn't want to work. All of that is fine on its own merit, but there is no "compromise" taking place in that scenario.
I agree that uprooting life because he wants to isn't compromising either, but the blase reference to being "at the expense of (his) happiness" implies, well....a lack of concern for his happiness. In addition, the "real man" implications are naturally going to incite a few posts on their own. As it stands....there's a few "more balanced" interpretations out there
I agree that uprooting life because he wants to isn't compromising either, but the blase reference to being "at the expense of (his) happiness" implies, well....a lack of concern for his happiness.
This.
"Real man" or not, it's a recipe for resentment, for sure.
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