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I think so as well. Guys like that get defensive because they feel as if they're being attacked for something they can't help. If you insult someone (not you in general) how is someone gonna act all surprised if they respond to you bitterly? I can feel the hurt and pain from some of the posts here; some people just don't understand it.
I will readily admit that I am one of the people who can't understand it. I don't understand how the opinion of strangers can hurt someone.
I will readily admit that I am one of the people who can't understand it. I don't understand how the opinion of strangers can hurt someone.
I meant the pain of wanting a relationship but some men try and try a lot only to be met with constant rejection. Eventually it does take it's toll especially on shyer men.
I don't understand a lot of what people do. I don't understand why people judge others who have no effect on their lives. But it is what is.
This guy named George Sodini who claims he went without date for years and women ignored him. Instead of getting better with women, he shoots and kills 3 women and injured 9 others all because he couldn't get a college hottie. That I don't understand.. to me it is not that serious.
But it speaks a LOT to his general attitude of negativity. Which is, I guarantee, telegraphed to others despite his claims that he saves up all his negativity for this little corner of the internet and projects a perfectly level demeanor toward the world at large.
Sorry, but people who are THAT negative aren't hiding it as well as they might be thinking they are.
Other than the casually curious, people with whole and thriving relationships have no reason to post. I came to this forum for self-therapy after divorce… to learn, to gauge the tenor of the times, to compare my example to those of others. Were I still to have been married to my former spouse, not only would I have not had a reason to post here, but there wouldn't have been occasion to even be reading forums, to even be spending time online.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I think it is interesting that you describe these people as "unimpressive".
Sorry to be quoting out of context, but I would espouse a lament in the exact reverse of this thread: relationship "eligibility" is NOT quantifiable. It is simply not the case, that men could be lined up against the wall in rank-order, according to some formula that includes the amount of weight that they can bench-press, their 5K run-time, their ratio of chest to waist circumference, the size of their retirement-portfolio, the prestige of their job, the number of their advanced degrees and so forth… and that women would go down the line, picking the "best", then the second-best and so forth. It is entirely possible that guy #1 is more handsome and more affluent and more intelligent and more blah-blah-blah than guy #2, but #2 lands the satisfying relationship, while #1 flounders. And the same, of course, could be said for women. The point is that self-improvement, while often proffered as a surefire recipe for success, is really no such thing. We should improve ourselves for the sake of ourselves, and not from fond desire to elevate our relationship-eligibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
No the point of the thread is that if someone is having difficulty with their social life, they might want to look at THEMSELVES as a more effective solution than whining.
If a person fails repeatedly, in a context where most people in most times and most places manage to succeed, then the problem is almost certainly personal, and not societal. It is crucial to recognize this. But having recognized this, then what? There isn't an obvious second step. For an addict, or a debtor, or a person somehow mired in some noxious habit or irresponsibility, self-diagnosis and recognition are the first step. The second step is treatment – be it self-medication, or recourse to some clinic or coach or whatnot. Can the same be said for dating? I think not.
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Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
... people are too used to instant gratification these days and are impatient.
There's much truth to this, but there is also a nefarious complication from the opposite direction. People are TOO patient in searching for the optimal match. There's no compelling reason to be coupled-up, or to so remain. Suboptimal relationships are easily ended. Unimpressive potential partners are passed by, in favor of a potential improvement. The religiously-devout, and other social conservatives, find partners early in life. Those who remain single, often are inclined to think of relationships as being mere flavoring to an already fulfilling life. There's nothing imperative about them. Haven't found a good partner? Then don't bother... happily live the single life, until somebody comes along. Nobody comes along? No worries, life is grand regardless.
Technology is doubtless a factor, but it's the dynamism of modern life that institutionalizes too breezy of a liberty.
This guy named George Sodini who claims he went without date for years and women ignored him. Instead of getting better with women, he shoots and kills 3 women and injured 9 others all because he couldn't get a college hottie. That I don't understand.. to me it is not that serious.
Because in a case like this, it probably wasn't the lack of dates, per se. He was seriously unhinged already, and looking for "a reason" to lash out. That reason turned out to be, no dates/sexual frustration. But anyone can see that a generally mentally healthy individual won't go shooting people because they can't get a date.
It's like Elliot Rodger. He tried to convince everyone that his attitude (and eventual horrific actions) were all because women wouldn't go out with him and he was a social outcast. But digging deeper, people knew him said he was odd, frightening and antisocial as early as age eight, well before he could have been rejected for a date or have felt sexual frustration (I hope, anyway), and that HE was the one rejecting OTHERS and acting in an antisocial way. Then he began to be bullied, around ninth grade, according to him - he started seeing psychiatrists at about age eight and apparently started experiencing rejection at about age thirteen/fourteen (somebody recheck that math) so there were years in there of him being antisocial, odd and refusing to be friends with anyone before the bullying began, much less the rejection of women. And no, I'M NOT saying bullying is okay...ever. Just making a point: he was already very very sick but wanted to blame someone else for his sickness so he chose women, and sexually satisfied men as those to blame.
A person who is unhinged and mentally unwell and WANTS to do harm will find his own reason even if that reason is extremely illogical. Rodger was sick inside, and needed an outside force to blame that on instead. He blamed it on society in general but very specifically, on women for their rejection and so on. So too, I'm guessing for the man you describe in the post I've quoted.
You can't understand it because you're not clinically antisocial/mentally ill and so it doesn't compute. That's why it is incomprehensible to most of us...because we ourselves would never dream of such a reaction to rejection, even strong or consistent rejection.
This guy named George Sodini who claims he went without date for years and women ignored him. Instead of getting better with women, he shoots and kills 3 women and injured 9 others all because he couldn't get a college hottie. That I don't understand.. to me it is not that serious.
That's what I was saying earlier. Dating is not the end all be all to life. Find something else to do.
But guys like Sodini and Rodger needed meds. I don't think anything short of that could help them.
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