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OK, married for almost 25 years to a great guy. Yes, we've had struggles - mostly b/c we have had to help parents financially all our married life and then with kids of your own...well, you know. Anyway, I (wife) always made more than he did in the first 20 years - he is self employed and now we work out of the same office but are both self employed in different businesses. My business is off, really off - and for the first time in our marriage, I find it difficult to pay all my mother's expenses that I am responsible for. How to approach without feeling that I am only after the $$$? How do trophy wives do it? I wish I knew - my husband buys dinner once in a while but usually all the money goes back into the business. I also help him businesswise and he just put me on the payroll - it helps but it's only 150 per week. It's making me so depressed. These forums are great, BTW.
Can't you just tell him that you need help to pay for your mom? Does he know your financial situation? He can just up your "salary" from his company.
I don't understand why you would feel like you are only using him for his money when you have been married so long. And who knows, if you have been the primary breadwinner for the last twenty years, it might make him feel good that he can now help you financially.
Are you in the marriage for money?
Do you really love him or do you treat the relationship as a 'corporation"?
Is he a liability or an asset?
Solid and accurate questions with answers from you should encourage you to talk to him without hesitation about this minute problem.
PS personally I don't so much like the choice of your wording. Thank goodness for anonymity on CD because if I was your husband I would seek at least a divorce or less preferably separation.
Last edited by npumcrisz; 02-15-2008 at 12:51 AM..
Reason: additional statements
Can't you just tell him that you need help to pay for your mom? Does he know your financial situation? He can just up your "salary" from his company.
I'm just been optimistic / realistic; he shouldn't raise her salary. They should be able to solve this minute problem based on pure love for one another. I fear raising her salary would symbolically imply this marriage is unified based on "brown" paper and not love. I hope it isn't...after all those years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HIF
I don't understand why you would feel like you are only using him for his money when you have been married so long. And who knows, if you have been the primary breadwinner for the last twenty years, it might make him feel good that he can now help you financially.I hope it all works out well.
I pray she isn't. She must clear her mine; take a walk with intention to refresh her mine before she makes a poor decision if she truly loves him-/ herself and their marriage.
I think you should talk to him about it. If you are in a happy marriage, it should not be a problem, but you really didn't tell us how much you need for your mother....
I think that ultimately, talking about it would be the best thing, and it wouldn't make you a trophy wife to ask for his help either.
He may just appreciate it, and I agree, this place is the best!
OK, married for almost 25 years to a great guy. Yes, we've had struggles - mostly b/c we have had to help parents financially all our married life and then with kids of your own...well, you know. Anyway, I (wife) always made more than he did in the first 20 years - he is self employed and now we work out of the same office but are both self employed in different businesses. My business is off, really off - and for the first time in our marriage, I find it difficult to pay all my mother's expenses that I am responsible for. How to approach without feeling that I am only after the $$$? How do trophy wives do it? I wish I knew - my husband buys dinner once in a while but usually all the money goes back into the business. I also help him businesswise and he just put me on the payroll - it helps but it's only 150 per week. It's making me so depressed. These forums are great, BTW.
Okay. It's not "my" money and "his" money. It's "your" money. If your husband is the great guy you say he is, then he pony up.
Are you in the marriage for money?
Do you really love him or do you treat the relationship as a 'corporation"?
Is he a liability or an asset?
Solid and accurate questions with answers from you should encourage you to talk to him without hesitation about this minute problem.
PS personally I don't so much like the choice of your wording. Thank goodness for anonymity on CD because if I was your husband I would seek at least a divorce or less preferably separation.
Of course, my husband is aware of everything! No, I didn't marry him for the money. As I said in my original post, a lot of our money has gone to help parents' financially b/c of illness and so forth. He is definitely an asset to me!
Let me tell you what I have to pay for my mother is over $1500 per month. It was closer to $2000 per month but I was able to get some expenses reduced.
When my husband married me, I had a business with a family member. Everything got paid out of the business (as far as the parents). Fast forward - sold business; then paid by me. Now, I am not earning as much as I used so I feel awful, very depressed about it. It's not like we get some great benefit from this - I mean it's like a noose but I love my mother but now she has Alzheimers so it's very hard. I drive a 13 year old car, hardly ever buy anything for myself. I just wanted some advice on how some women seem to do so well and I feel so guilty even asking someone to pay $2for a cup of coffee!! All our other expenses are fine and within control - it's just having to pay for so long - and I guess I feel "honor your mother and father" - my husband knows all about it and he just says - "Oh, business will pick up - stuff like that - but I worry where is the next payment coming from? (for my mom's expenses - nothing else). I just feel awful b/c in most family situations, children are not expected to pay for their parents and now my husband has been brought into this. Sometimes, when our own children want something (necessary) and we can't do it, they use this expense against me so it's very well known within the family. Also, I am blind in one eye, limited sight in the other so it's not like I can go out and get the most wonderful job in the world - I have to be realistic.
I think you should talk to him about it. If you are in a happy marriage, it should not be a problem, but you really didn't tell us how much you need for your mother....
I think that ultimately, talking about it would be the best thing, and it wouldn't make you a trophy wife to ask for his help either.
He may just appreciate it, and I agree, this place is the best!
We have to pay $1500 for my mom now. It was closer to $2000 but I got some expenses on that reduced. She now has Alzheimers so maybe the disease is getting to me. I love her but she is having more bad days than good days. She is 87.
We've always had to work hard; self employed ups and downs!!!
When there are rewards, it is good! But these are down times so I'm just down!
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I guess what I said was not clear....
