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I became addicted to him because my mother abandoned me when I was a child.
I tend to get scared of people in general. When someone gets too close to me, I get scared of getting hurt, so I tend to withdraw from that relationship (friends, family, men..,)
However, with this guy was different, not only because he was extremely attractive and sensual, but because he was not interested in having a relationship with me.
that game me the security he'd never get too close to me to the point of run away.
At least you have the insight to know why you are infatuated with him.
Did you do anything in therapy to work on getting over your fear of closeness/abandonment?
Many people post in this section and often repeat the same topics not because they seek genuine 'advice,' but simply because it's a venue for them to vent out their fears and frustrations and make people feel sorry for them.
Much good advice was given to her on her multiple previous threads on how to deal with her various issues, yet she continues to bemoan herself of the same issues, as if the advice never existed.
If the OP genuinely and sincerely wanted to deal with her problems, she could have done so by now.
don't you think that people like me might post here just because they have no friends to talk about this?
People like me still need to feel there's someone out there who can listen and give advice. One, two, multiple times.
People like me need to know that there's people out there that they won't give up on them, even thought they repeat themselves a million times.
According to articles sperm causes attachment so before you deal with it, make sure the guy is attached to you too.
It goes away with time, why you would want someone who is a multiple dater? Does not seem he would be faithfull type. You are analysing your reasons to be attached on him, that is about all you can do, see what it is. I hope you would not take him for reals even he would ask.
And as you know you have some reasons why you act some certain ways, try to change your form. There is very few men who would see the effort to give you the secure what you need, there is guys like that but most guys want easy going girls with no problems. Anyway it is not main point what men would want but you could get more of a relationship if you can work with your "problems".
Every day you waste by thinking of him, is taking away from your new happy relationship. You can address your problems so you can work with them too.
It does not mean even you would not have such a problem, he would choose you.
You should be actually happy that he did not choosed you.
If you're in your 40s and have abandonment issues, it's going to take a lot longer and a much stronger force than a few posts from other users to get over your problem. It's really more like a bad habit that you've built up your whole life that you need to fix. It will be slow and painful and you may fall back to your old habits, but it's a lot like trying to quit smoking or a drug. You have to use all the willpower you have in you to move on and change yourself to be more self-loving and happy. Unfortunately there are no patches or rehab centers for this. There are therapists but it looks like you're seeing one already and don't find him or her helpful. Perhaps try changing therapists or join group therapy. I find it offers more support than one on one sessions.
If the posters here are tired of these threads they can stop responding. Belaboring the fact that people have issues they can't fix on their own or acting bored and tired of these threads doesn't help anybody. It's taken her whole life to build up her problems so it's going to take time for her to heal. Sometimes it helps to get things out anonymously.
I don't get why so many women fall for absolute losers, when there's a lot of good men in the world.
It just doesn't make sense; like kamikaze pilots wearing helmets.
Excuse me, according to your posts, you are quite playa yourself. Maybe you should know what of your tricks makes them fall on you...
I don't know either why a woman would date a guy who has several women at same time, that is insane suicide especially if any feelings for him.
But I know some of these pigs has awesome traits why it is so easy to fall them. It would be great to have a button on/off which would controll our feelings but sometimes feelings can stay years after. Imo it is more what we wish what we would have than what we actually had.
Anyway, it is harming situation to love but not actually able to love as be free to show it but live in fear of abandoning. It infects relationships one way or the other. You love but you cannot tell or show and you run away his and your love. Escaping everything meanwhile heart is breaking and missing love.
Not easy, not something what one would want to do but cannot do anything else either.
Excuse me, according to your posts, you are quite playa yourself. Maybe you should know what of your tricks makes them fall on you...
I don't know either why a woman would date a guy who has several women at same time, that is insane suicide especially if any feelings for him.
But I know some of these pigs has awesome traits why it is so easy to fall them. It would be great to have a button on/off which would controll our feelings but sometimes feelings can stay years after. Imo it is more what we wish what we would have than what we actually had.
Anyway, it is harming situation to love but not actually able to love as be free to show it but live in fear of abandoning. It infects relationships one way or the other. You love but you cannot tell or show and you run away his and your love. Escaping everything meanwhile heart is breaking and missing love.
Not easy, not something what one would want to do but cannot do anything else either.
I ain't no player, and I got no game, nor am I in the business of breaking hearts. I think, you're confusing me for some other guy in here
Anywho...it's fairly easy for a person to take advantage of someone that has low self esteem, lonely and abandonment issues.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I don't get why so many women fall for absolute losers, when there's a lot of good men in the world.
It just doesn't make sense; like kamikaze pilots wearing helmets.
I don't get why OP is so emotionally attached to someone who clearly doesn't have the capacity to even form a romantic attachment. He has shown on a repeated basis he won't attach to her.
At the end of 2012 I met a man in an online dating site. I fell in love with him, but he only used me for sex.
I became addicted to him because my mother abandoned me when I was a child.
I tend to get scared of people in general. When someone gets too close to me, I get scared of getting hurt, so I tend to withdraw from that relationship (friends, family, men..,)
However, with this guy was different, not only because he was extremely attractive and sensual, but because he was not interested in having a relationship with me.
that game me the security he'd never get too close to me to the point of run away. But I fell in love with him.
He continued to be aloof with me, dating many other women in the meantime, denying to date me or take me to dinner, and even denying to have sex with me sometimes.
We had cycles of three month periods, in which everything was ok for the first two months, and inevitable he'd withdraw from me at some point. I'd get mad at him, start no contact for a couple months until I'd contact him again to re-start everything again.
My purpose was to get him to love me, but I never could. I'd meet him at his home, we'd have sex, we'd probably text after that, but he'd not invest too much on me. Even though he knew I loved him like crazy, he could never reciprocate that love for me, but he gave me sex instead. and breadcrumbs (he said he missed me, that he loved me...)
I'd search for him online though. He was in five different dating sites during 2013, 2014 and beginnings of 2015, when he completely disappeared from online dating.
He told me many times he was dating other women, but that he just wanted to be alone. Until he found the one, in 2015, and all our texting/meeting for sex stopped.
It's been more than 15 months since I last met him. and unfortunately I could not met anyone else that could make me feel the excitement I felt with him.
I became sour and more lonely that I ever used to be. I found myself missing him very much. Missing the time we spent together and wondering how come my feelings for him were so intense and his, on the contrary, so insignificant. He let me go many times, without even regretting so. He deleted me from Facebook without a blink of an eye one time. But here I am, missing a man that is in happy romantic relationship right now with another woman. He didn't choose me over her. He did not reach out in 15 months.
And even though I try with all my heart, I cannot forget about him.
I'm sorry you fell in love with such a dirtbag. In the future, you may want to consider not giving into intimacy so that you don't have a relationship that hurts you a lot in the end. A lot of men use women just for sex when the woman wants something more. It's better, in my opinion at least, to stay away from these situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn_sweater
My guess is there's a lot of broken women out there, just like me. I don't find any other explanation to this.
I guess there is, when there doesn't have to be! Just say "not until we're married". You may not date as many men (since it seems a lot of them expect it before marriage now), but at least you'll know who's in it for the long haul!
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