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I am okay if we try to conceive from December 2018 on.
These friends and family that conceived over 34 years old, how long ago was that? Has anyone recently done it that you know of? Be honest. When was the last time you knew of someone in the ~35 y.o. age group conceiving a child without IVF? And adoption? You do realize with your lackluster finances that means an Asian, Central or South American or African child, right? Maybe you can foster a child from a broken home. Deacon's credentials are impressive. Doesn't mean he can help you.
Listen to your GUT !! Often these are the most important cues anyone can get..and often get dismissed as "Nerves". You are doing the right thing by seeking Counselling ..But you KNOW your fiancee better than the Deacon..and Often people will agree to whatever..just to get it over with! Sincerity in thoughts and feeling MUST be communicated..and IF your "Hinky Meter" suggests it's so sincere~~
Yu guys haven't even sealed the deal yet..once that sealed relationship into a committed marriage..It most likely will devolve.. If you feel the lack of respect or at least VERY VERY Important now..Just wait till that ring get on your finger!
I can only wish for the best for both of you..Sometimes 2 people just aren't meant for each other
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
This is SO bad.
OP, I beg you to put this wedding off.
Don't do it.
^^^ At the very least..delay until you feel within your heart and soul satisfied with such a huge commitment!!
I am okay if we try to conceive from December 2018 on.
You should have talked about this and had some sort of idea before you got engaged. Yes its likely a deal breaker and she will not be happy if you push it on her.
Theres no perfect time to have a baby. Yes you should be stable as you can but it will never be perfect.
These friends and family that conceived over 34 years old, how long ago was that? Has anyone recently done it that you know of? Be honest. When was the last time you knew of someone in the ~35 y.o. age group conceiving a child without IVF? And adoption? You do realize with your lackluster finances that means an Asian, Central or South American or African child, right? Maybe you can foster a child from a broken home. Deacon's credentials are impressive. Doesn't mean he can help you.
My aunt was through IVF. However, over past 10 year's known people to have children after 35. I can go online many people posting pregnant with first child as far back as 2010.
Coworker is getting married at 34 plans to have a year or 2 after marriage knows by 36 will be tough. After 34 yes can see more of a challenge. However, at 31 to 36 that's plenty of time to have a child. I told her I go with her to the OB to help ease her mind about conceiving.
You need to postpone the wedding, that should be non-negotiable.
Think of all the stuff you dislike and disagree with right now.
Guess what? It will be 10x worse after the wedding.
I don't know all the specifics, but IMO you should not get married. The two of you are two different. Her comment that she didn't want to do something because that would mean you "won"? That's a whole freighter full of red flags. So she will never want to give in to your way because then "you won"? You're life is going to suck in all likelyhood.
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If it helps you to have the deacon there, then by all means enlist his support.
If she "makes" you pay $5K, it would be a small price to pay. This is supposed to be the happiest, most exciting and fun time of your courtship, and she is showing her true colors to you during all the stress.
Marriage does NOT make problems go away. It magnifies them.
This is her on her "best" behavior. Once the wedding and fancy honeymoon are over and the "being married day in and day out" part begins, she will stop being on her so-called best behavior and make your life miserable until you bend to her will on everything.
You don't go ahead with a wedding just because it's booked. Do not be railroaded into it.
If a friend told you about the level of conflict and number of disagreements he was having with his fiancee over major life decisions, what would you say to him?
I know a couple that refused to postpone the wedding because "everything was booked" even though they were fighting all the time and rarely agreed on anything (people found this out later). The new bride waited until they returned home from their honeymoon (which the husband had charged on credit cards) and filed for divorce a week after their wedding. BTW, the bride kept all of the wedding presents (including the gifts given from the groom's side of the family) and it caused the parents & other relatives huge embarrassment.
Yes but im part of your life too. And i should be a big part of it. Not an after thought.
Im not a chore or something on a to do list
I should be a priority because we are in a relationship. Im not just a friend you see occasionally.
And thats how i feel most if the time. That when you get done with everything else that is more important than this relationship ill hear from you. Its not fair.
A complete after thought i am.
Im not important at all.
I dont feel like a girlfriend or soon to be wife. Most of the time i feel like a back burner.
Not sure how to respond and questioning my own actions.
'the Deacon'?
Maybe you should try counseling from someone who is a licensed therapist. Perhaps someone with a degree in psychology, or better yet, in marriage counseling or family therapy. You know, an actual professional.
A Deacon?
To be honest, that makes about as much sense as hiring an accountant to fix the transmission on your car.
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