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I think she is likely burned out and depressed. How about you ask her to walk every evening for an hour with you. Two things-- you both get needed exercise and opportunity to talk. I'd keep the topics off of anything heavy duty for awhile.
Also was your wife previously stuck at home 24 hours a day with only you as her adult contact?
Last edited by historyfan; 06-26-2016 at 01:53 PM..
Reason: Edit
don't think he has mother issues,no one cares if the man is burnt out,in the other reddit poster I'm reading he does everything,all the dishes,cleaning,trash,groceries in addition to his job and all he is told is to do is diet with her,to do this and that for her,that she's depressed exactly like on here,is their truly no point in which anyone has to accept personal responsibility for anything?
You know in traditional tribal societies women do about forty billion times what western modern mothers do yet almost no cases of clinical depression in those societies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne
Wow. Have you ever sought therapy for your Mother issues?
don't think he has mother issues,no one cares if the man is burnt out,in the other reddit poster I'm reading he does everything,all the dishes,cleaning,trash,groceries in addition to his job and all he is told is to do is diet with her,to do this and that for her,that she's depressed exactly like on here,is their truly no point in which anyone has to accept personal responsibility for anything?
You know in traditional tribal societies women do about forty billion times what western modern mothers do yet almost no cases of clinical depression in those societies.
It's always the man's fault. Always. Even if it's so blatantly obvious that the woman is to blame, the man is a fault 100% somehow. He doesn't have a 6 pack, so he should concentrate on getting a 6 pack now, yeah that's it, that's why it's his fault. She gets a pass cuz 'murica.
don't think he has mother issues,no one cares if the man is burnt out,in the other reddit poster I'm reading he does everything,all the dishes,cleaning,trash,groceries in addition to his job and all he is told is to do is diet with her,to do this and that for her,that she's depressed exactly like on here,is their truly no point in which anyone has to accept personal responsibility for anything?
You know in traditional tribal societies women do about forty billion times what western modern mothers do yet almost no cases of clinical depression in those societies.
Very true. But I'm guessing tribal societies are much more cohesive and much less stressful. Yes, I have no doubt the women work very hard, but mothers in tribal societies enjoy FAR more social support yet suffer fewer social expectations.
I read a book years ago about postpartum depression that compared rates in Western societies, particularly North America, to that of tribal societies. Yes, the author stated clearly that postpartum depression is virtually unheard of in tribal societies. But she also pointed out that women in traditional societies spend at least the first few weeks, if not the first few months after giving birth doing little, if anything, besides recovering and nursing the baby. There is almost always a tight-knit network of other women who take over most of her "household" duties and the care of her other children. People in traditional societies place much greater value on nurturing and mothering. In short, they recognize that mothers themselves need "mothering."
Have YOU ever been stuck in a house in the isolated suburbs with very young children, perhaps during a long, brutally cold, dark winter, under several feet of snow, where you see virtually no one all day and can go weeks at a time without adult interaction, and no family and few friends closeby to lend, if nothing else, much needed distraction and moral support? Has your husband's professional aspirations taken you hundreds or thousands of miles away from family? That might not be the OP's wife's experience, but it IS the experience of plenty of stay-at-home parents.
Though biological/chemical factors unquestionably contribute to the development of postpartum depression/depression, it is just as much an environmental malady.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 06-26-2016 at 03:13 PM..
Yes I've been completely isolated and alone and worse,yes I've taken care of my friends children and wanted to collapse,depression is a luxury I don't cave into often anymore.
Yes I've been completely isolated and alone and worse,yes I've taken care of my friends children and wanted to collapse,depression is a luxury I don't cave into often anymore.
It's not a luxury most mothers "cave into" either. They have too much to do and not enough time to do it. If they don't do it, the household collapses. It's rather interesting, though, that you're not a mother, you've never been a SAHM or a working parent, but you feel perfectly qualified to harshly judge mothers because you've babysat.
I'd like to make clear that *I* am not blaming the OP. I'm sure he's stressed and exhausted, too. Unfortunately, modern Western couples with young children often have too much to deal with, and little external help. But, generally speaking, I can empathize with stay-at-home parents who feel the way I suspect the OP's wife feels/has felt.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 06-26-2016 at 03:56 PM..
I can't tell you how many times I've seen this. I'm not sure what causes it. Disillusionment would be my guess. I've known more than one gung ho SAHM who home schooled and then decided she was done with all that long before the kids were grown. Maybe they thought it would be more exciting...that the world would cheer them for what they did...I don't know. I just know this isn't uncommon.
Of course, typical "Well, if a woman decides to be lazy/ignore her responsibilities/treat her kids like crap it MUST be the man's fault so it's okay" response. Why does it matter? If a man started behaving the same you think one woman here would be all "Well, he may be acting distant, acting like a douche and ignoring his responsibilities but how did YOU treat him? How appreciative of him of all that he did were you?" Stupid god **** double standard.
I just wanted to agree. There is a definite double standard here. HE must appreciate all that SHE does but it doesn't go the other way. It's his fault either way and that just isn't fair.
I wish I had some advice. Every couple I've seen go through this ended up divorced and she got plenty of alimony to live off of because she was the poor SAHM who had lost her support for her and her children. Even the courts treat the man as if it's his fault.
I used to work with a guy who never wanted his wife to SAH but agreed and worked his butt of so she could. Then when it was time for her to RTW she decided she just had to home school so he continued working his butt off. Then she decided she wanted didn't want to be a SAHM anymore, moved out and enrolled in college full time. He got a WHOPPING alimony bill. The court treated him as if he's used her by having her SAH when he was actually giving her what she wanted. I felt really bad for him. He basically got punished for working his butt off to try and make her happy. If he'd put his foot down and said no to her SAH he wouldn't have had to pay alimony.
I'm defending men,if I inadvertently judge these women too harshly well that's the causality.
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