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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
It's interesting that you said this. I let family members fix me up on a blind date once. After weeks of them trying to persuade me, I relented and agreed to meet the lady for a Saturday lunch.
Don't get me wrong: my date was kind of cute, although she didn't have the hairstyle I find attractive, and hair is important to me. She was a pretty nice person, and knew how to carry a conversation. But when we talked about our likes and dislikes, the dialog went something like this.
MillennialUrbanist (MU): "Blah blah blah, swing and merengue"
Blind Date (BD): "Oh, I can't dance, and I don't feel comfortable learning."
MU: "Something or other, hiking."
BD: "Oh no, my feet get tired easily. I just like a quick stroll through the park."
MU: "This and that, do you like porter or stout beer?"
BD: "I don't drink."
MU: "Have you seen this movie 'In Time' when it was out? I really liked its dark, mystical tone."
BD: "It was way too fake for my tastes."
* * * * 30 minutes later * * * *
MU: "It was nice meeting you, take care." <shakes hands>
BD: "You too."
Oh well, I give my family credit to for trying, but I asked them not to fix me up on any more blind dates. Me and that lady had virtually nothing in common, except having seen a few of the same movies and both ordering chicken matza ball soup. Even if I did something wrong, it doesn't change the fact that I had nothing in common with her.
Ha, could have been worse, but that has been most of my set up dates. Nice, pleasant or even very good looking women, intelligent, educated... just no fire, no spark, nothing really in common.
I have FAAAR better luck with OKC's matching algorithm.
My SIL definitely got the thumb down from my mother. Also two grandkids, and my brother being happy with over 18 years of marriage... still, thumbs down.
My brother's wives of 10 and 12 years are a mixed bag. Both my parents have had reservations about them at various times, for good reason (as have I). But, their lives. My dad's not sold on my sister's husband of four years, but my mom likes him. My husband, everyone loves. My inlaws like both their kids in law.
I think the term "husband [or wife] material" sounds corny and a bit hackneyed, but I don't really attach anything to it other than the fact that is meant to be a compliment.
Quote:
But being liked by a parent after is VERY different than having them pick you. VERY. Parents I've met have almost entirely really liked me (save on I can think of)... but again, a very different scenario.
But the OP's post is specifically about older women at work liking him (as in, finding him to have admirable traits, not being interested in him on their own behalf). Not about being picked out or set up with their daughters.
It just seemed to me like there is this aversion to being viewed as nice, because it's thought to be boring ( which definitely is not a universal; for some of us, nice is a huge draw...my husband is undeniably the kindest person I've ever known, and it's called HUGE factor in why I'm with him...he's also not boring). (Some) guys seem to be preoccupied with and resentful about this idea that "women want a 'bad boy'"(gag me...that term), 'nice' guys finish last," supposedly...but throwing a fit if women think they are nice buys into that idea as much as anything.
Ha, could have been worse, but that has been most of my set up dates. Nice, pleasant or even very good looking women, intelligent, educated... just no fire, no spark, nothing really in common.
Yeah, I'm the same way. I like intelligent people, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to dating, I'm not looking for someone who'll enlighten me. I'm looking for someone who'll excite me. By that, I don't means she has to be an S&M freak; I just want to her to live on the edge once in a while. Like go hiking just to explore the trail. Or learn a new dance together just the heck of it. Or see an outdoor concert and take selfies with the band.
Conversely, if my family were to meet my new girlfriend, I'd rather than they react "We're not 100% sure she's wife material, but we're glad she's a good fit for you", than "What a nice, wholesome lady".
But mom's like boring and sedate type stable people, often church going types... picture lights off missionary position dudes. "He seems like such a nice boy..."
Not the stable, fun to be with, go out and have adventure and party some, type of guys.
Generally the women I know (the cool and fun professional types) would instantly write off any guy that is suggested by a mother, sister, brother, etc. as being boring and lame. They may or may not be right, but its the reality.
As I would if my mother suggested someone (although she knows better than to do so).
The exceptions would be super cool fun moms (rare) that want to see their daughters rage some, and the 'nice' guys that can con/fool nice old ladies and still bring it (also not overly common).
Stable, secure, consistent, trust-worthy, honest, conscientious, diligent, caring, etc. might be boring and unattractive to the type of women you are attracted to, but the majority of women who are interested in healthy, intimate long term relationships are attracted to exactly those things.
I'd be petrified if someone old enough to be my mother thought I'd be a good husband. It would be a major indicator that I'm being far too nice. Just me, but I have to show some fury from time to time to make sure no one thinks I'm a soft pushover.
This seems like it says a lot about the problems you have dating. Who is the macho posturing for? The ladies? Being thought of as stable and decent is actually a good thing that many chicks dig.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 07-27-2016 at 02:03 PM..
My SIL definitely got the thumb down from my mother. Also two grandkids, and my brother being happy with over 18 years of marriage... still, thumbs down
I got the thumbs down from my MIL, too. I wasn't traditional enough, too liberal, not from an approved ethnic group, and come from a family and of ill repute. She got over #4 pretty quickly, but the other three she has merely come to the point of resigned acceptance. She still doesnt know that I not religious though; there's no coming back from that admission.
Yeah, I'm the same way. I like intelligent people, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to dating, I'm not looking for someone who'll enlighten me. I'm looking for someone who'll excite me. By that, I don't means she has to be an S&M freak; I just want to her to live on the edge once in a while. Like go hiking just to explore the trail. Or learn a new dance together just the heck of it. Or see an outdoor concert and take selfies with the band.
This hardly seems like living on the edge. When I think of living on the edge, I think more of base jumping off the trail in a wingsuit, spending a week dancing at Burining Man or crashing the stage when the band is playing.
I'd be petrified if someone old enough to be my mother thought I'd be a good husband. It would be a major indicator that I'm being far too nice. Just me, but I have to show some fury from time to time to make sure no one thinks I'm a soft pushover.
Wow! Talk about anger management issues stemming from deep insecurity. What woman is going to want to be with a guy who feels it is OK to act in this manner?
Stable, secure, consistent, trust-worthy, honest, conscientious, diligent, caring, etc. might be boring and unattractive to the type of women you are attracted to, but the majority of women who are interested in healthy, intimate long term relationships are attracted to exactly those things.
I can't speak for the majority of women, just myself. Speaking for myself, I agree.
Well you are lucky. My mom is a terrible judge of character, what else do you attribute more than 3 failed marriages to? Probably the more my mom thinks that I should date a girl, the more resistant I will be to dating that girl.
It's one thing to say, knowing that your particular parent is prone to poor judgment, that you'd question that parent's judgment if he or she weighed in on a prospective romantic partner. It's another to overgeneralize that sentiment to, "If an older person seems to think I would make someone a stable partner, that's obviously the kiss of death, because you know how these older people are."
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