I Feel Like It's A Backhanded Compliment Being Called "Husband Material" By Women? (younger, attractive)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Stable, secure, consistent, trust-worthy, honest, conscientious, diligent, caring, etc. might be boring and unattractive to the type of women you are attracted to, but the majority of women who are interested in healthy, intimate long term relationships are attracted to exactly those things.
Oh come on. You're totally full of it and you know it. Those things aren't boring or unattactive. I never said someone doesn't want someone trust worth, or stable, or caring. OF COURSE people want those things. Big freaking DUUUUUHHHH.
It's when those things are the traits that first come to mind when describing you that is the problem.
One can be stable, secure, etc but be described as fun, exciting, funny, charismatic, attractive, etc...
If one is described by the traits your bringing up it generally means they aren't the more dynamic descriptors. If they were, those would be the words used first. If they're not used, it is because they aren't those things or it isn't apparent they are. When you're asked about an employee, if the first thing that comes to mind is they're on time, competent, stable, that isn't a good sign... not when compared to they're proactive, a problem solver, a leader, brilliant... (if you've ever checked references you know a huge part of reading a reference is what is NOT said, as opposed to what is said... same for dating references).
Guy A: He's secure, smart, professional, stable. The end.
Guy B: He funny, fun, and awesome to go out with! (and happens to be secure, educated, professional and stable)
Which do people want to go out with? It's isn't A. And same is true for both genders.
Last edited by timberline742; 07-27-2016 at 04:02 PM..
Oh come on. You're totally full of it and you know it. Those things aren't boring or unattactive. I never said someone doesn't want someone trust worth, or stable, or caring. OF COURSE people want those things. Big freaking DUUUUUHHHH.
It's when those things are the traits that first come to mind when describing you that is the problem.
One can be stable, secure, etc but be described as fun, exciting, funny, charismatic, attractive, etc...
If one is described by the traits your bringing up it generally means they aren't the more dynamic descriptors. If they were, those would be the words used first. If they're not used, it is because they aren't those things or it isn't apparent they are. When you're asked about an employee, if the first thing that comes to mind is they're on time, competent, stable, that isn't a good sign... not when compared to they're proactive, a problem solver, a leader, brilliant... (if you've ever checked references you know a huge part of reading a reference is what is NOT said, as opposed to what is said... same for dating references).
Guy A: He's secure, smart, professional, stable. The end.
Guy B: He funny, fun, and awesome to go out with! (and happens to be secure, educated, professional and stable)
Which do people want to go out with? It's isn't A. And same is true for both genders.
Fair enough. By the same token, just because a woman gets older and/or is thinking in terms of a guy for her daughter, that doesn't mean she thinks boring guys are better.
You are equating "husband material" with boring. Using the same logic you used in your example above, "husband material" would more likely mean fun, interesting, caring, and awesome to date.
I got the thumbs down from my MIL, too. I wasn't traditional enough, too liberal, not from an approved ethnic group, and come from a family and of ill repute. She got over #4 pretty quickly, but the other three she has merely come to the point of resigned acceptance. She still doesnt know that I not religious though; there's no coming back from that admission.
Me too, thumbs down from MIL. I couldn't help it if I was born a 'shiksa' though, since I didn't know what it meant. I thought it meant I was cursed
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,067,254 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Fair enough. By the same token, just because a woman gets older and/or is thinking in terms of a guy for her daughter, that doesn't mean she thinks boring guys are better.
You are equating "husband material" with boring. Using the same logic you used in your example above, "husband material" would more likely mean fun, interesting, caring, and awesome to date.
I'm equating it because that usually is what older women seem to mean by the term, and that's what we're talking about here.
And they may or may not be boring, but if someone comes to you and says "I want you to meet this young lady, she's polite, a good cook, professional, and stable" flags are going to fire off... as opposed to "she's hilarious, gorgeous, and super fun!".
Yes, it's always preferable to (be) held in wariness and distrust by an S.O.'s loved ones.
Them thinking you're a standup guy is so predictable and boring.
If a woman's mother likes you more than she does, that's a very bad sign. The mother is thinking about you as a husband for her daughter and a father and provider for her grandchildren. What you really want and this is necessary for a long-term relationship to succeed, is for the woman to think of you as a sex partner and to be very hot and eager for you to get in the sack.
If a woman's mother likes you more than she does, that's a very bad sign.
Obviously.
I'm pretty sure in retrospect that my ex's mom liked me much more than her son did (In fact, her really liking me and considering me a daughter for five years may have been very much black marks, in his book, since he was the product of an ugly, ugly divorce, and conditioned by his father over the years to discount anything his mom thought on principle). She was way more upset about our breakup than I was.
And they may or may not be boring, but if someone comes to you and says "I want you to meet this young lady, she's polite, a good cook, professional, and stable" flags are going to fire off... as opposed to "she's hilarious, gorgeous, and super fun!".
This!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald
The mother is thinking about you as a husband for her daughter and a father and provider for her grandchildren. What you really want and this is necessary for a long-term relationship to succeed, is for the woman to think of you as a sex partner and to be very hot and eager for you to get in the sack.
And this!
Both of you are spot-on. The summary is: you want to be a fun romantic/sex partner first, and a reliable provider second. Also, the person you're dating is the best judge whether you're a good fit, rather than that person's family. Heck, I know from experience with that blind date I had (see my earlier post).
There is this weird kind of tacit assumption that seems to imply that decent/kind/stable/etc. can't go hand in hand with sexually attractive/fun/romantic...that one negates the other.
Which is a shame. And not (that I've found, anyway) in any way a universal truth.
Husband material is the equivalent to being called a nice guy, no bueno!
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