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life is what you make it. if you decide to be alone, then make the best of it, if you decide you want a relationship, again make the best of it. i tend to prefer solitude, or the company of close family and friends who dont put pressure on anyone to do anything.
I think to me, it just means I realized happiness is a choice when you live in a developed country, have enough money to meet your needs and pay for your enjoyments and when you don't have any debilitating physical or mental health problems. My life is awesome - I focus on appreciating that. And yes, I'm kind of entrenched in being single - I enjoy it too much to go looking for anything more.
My FWB situation appears to have evaporated for good this time, and I'm not even upset about it. It just means I have more energy to put into my other interests. If I have the opportunity for another similar, "nonrelationship" I will be very happy, but I'm fine - I've got a high end vibrator that more than does the job. Otherwise, my life is filled with friends, family, hobbies and work.
Interesting. I think for me it's the other way around... I have to adapt when I start a relationship. I'm quite introverted and love spending time on my own. I enjoy being single. When I start dating a guy, I really have to get used to having somebody around a lot.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
Some people get substantial payoffs from being alone due to their inability to escape inner pain from past experiences. The "avoiders" I have met are pretty tormented and heaven help the guys that try to go after them.
I didn't want to use the word "alone" or "single" because they've been used ad nauseum here. Lol and I wanted to switch it up. Also it would kind of give it a "how to cope with being single vibe" and that's not what this about lol.
I was having a conversation with an older class mate of mine at school and she was talking about her niece. She was telling me how her niece was just awesome in every sense of the word. She was going on and on about how gorgeous, ambitious, responsible, and how sweet she is as a person. But when it came to dating, she said she has adapted so much to being single, it's hard for her to accept anyone into her life on a romantic level to the point where she basically pushes them away. My classmate basically flat out said that she see's that adaptation was more negative than positive. Most if not all of my friends agreed with her.
At the same time, my classmate stated that she herself realized that deep down she just doesn't want to be alone, and she wanted to find that person to connect with. I guess everyone would have their own personal biases about either situation, as I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. My classmate seems like a happy individual and seems to be very happy with her marriage, however, I don't really know what's going on behind closed doors.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
There are a lot of people "stuck" in messed up relationships because they have kids together, mingled finances or they're simply afraid of being alone and starting over again. They have "adapted" to that life, so I don't see why it's any more of a tragedy for someone to "adapt" to being single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
I'm probably going to marry myself. I hope I get a nice ring.
I bought a ring for myself years ago, but I'd like a nicer one.
I didn't want to use the word "alone" or "single" because they've been used ad nauseum here. Lol and I wanted to switch it up. Also it would kind of give it a "how to cope with being single vibe" and that's not what this about lol.
I was having a conversation with an older class mate of mine at school and she was talking about her niece. She was telling me how her niece was just awesome in every sense of the word. She was going on and on about how gorgeous, ambitious, responsible, and how sweet she is as a person. But when it came to dating, she said she has adapted so much to being single, it's hard for her to accept anyone into her life on a romantic level to the point where she basically pushes them away. My classmate basically flat out said that she see's that adaptation was more negative than positive. Most if not all of my friends agreed with her.
At the same time, my classmate stated that she herself realized that deep down she just doesn't want to be alone, and she wanted to find that person to connect with. I guess everyone would have their own personal biases about either situation, as I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. My classmate seems like a happy individual and seems to be very happy with her marriage, however, I don't really know what's going on behind closed doors.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
we are a society that believes we need to be with someone to be successful, when in fact we don't. We've actually been brainwashed by society that wanting to be alone, is strange and incomprehensible to some.
It really isn't.
I want to be alone, and don't want people in my life...the moment you get involved with other people, they "think", b/c you don't think and believe like they do, your wrong...and that isn't the case, actually far from it...
I grew very sick and tired of trying to live up to the expectations of others...it was impossible, you can't do it...and if you try, you compromise who you are....
the only person you can connect with is you, and once you do that, and your comfortable in your skin, then I would believe you can go forward with a relationship, but not before.
relationships are very difficult, even the same sex relationships, however, I have met people that I really can connect with...meaning....once you know yourself, you don't make the mistake of inviting people into your life, with whom you have nothing in common with....in my case even women.
At this point in my life, I couldn't even think about being with a man....and while having a network of friends, must keep them at bay. I need alone time, quite often to recharge...
I'm also an introvert...while I love people and parties, would prefer to be on my own...and usually am the first to leave gatherings....not that I get bored or disturbed about anything....my home is my sanctuary and I love being there...or going out to dinner by myself.
I do get together with girl friends but not as many any more....but the ones I do get together with are keepers... we really do get along well....
When my husband first died 6 years after 26 years of marriage it felt weird not being part of a couple. After about 6 months I used OLD but after a couple of relationships over the following two years I realized I didn't need a man in my life nor did I want one.
I adapted to being single again and that's the way it is going to stay. Although my friends and family tell me I should try and meet someone I have no desire to do so. I also feel as we get older it is harder to compromise to having someone in your life and in your home. Live the life you have.
When my husband first died 6 years after 26 years of marriage it felt weird not being part of a couple. After about 6 months I used OLD but after a couple of relationships over the following two years I realized I didn't need a man in my life nor did I want one.
I adapted to being single again and that's the way it is going to stay. Although my friends and family tell me I should try and meet someone I have no desire to do so. I also feel as we get older it is harder to compromise to having someone in your life and in your home. Live the life you have.
I think most of us ladies, who have been married, and lose a husband, find it much more enjoyable alone, and I really don't feel alone or lonely...hardly ever feel lonely at all any longer, and if I do, it only lasts a short time, maybe seconds...
It is wonderful pleasing oneself, and doing what one wants to do....don't miss being a couple at all....
Life is all about adapting successfully to the changes that come with age and circumstances. People adapt to married life, becoming parents of babies, becoming parents of teens, becoming empty nesters, retirement, being widowed, becoming disabled by age, etc.
It amazes me that anyone would think that adapting is anything but a valuable skill.
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