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I didn't want to use the word "alone" or "single" because they've been used ad nauseum here. Lol and I wanted to switch it up. Also it would kind of give it a "how to cope with being single vibe" and that's not what this about lol.
I was having a conversation with an older class mate of mine at school and she was talking about her niece. She was telling me how her niece was just awesome in every sense of the word. She was going on and on about how gorgeous, ambitious, responsible, and how sweet she is as a person. But when it came to dating, she said she has adapted so much to being single, it's hard for her to accept anyone into her life on a romantic level to the point where she basically pushes them away. My classmate basically flat out said that she see's that adaptation was more negative than positive. Most if not all of my friends agreed with her.
At the same time, my classmate stated that she herself realized that deep down she just doesn't want to be alone, and she wanted to find that person to connect with. I guess everyone would have their own personal biases about either situation, as I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. My classmate seems like a happy individual and seems to be very happy with her marriage, however, I don't really know what's going on behind closed doors.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
I didn't want to use the word "alone" or "single" because they've been used ad nauseum here. Lol and I wanted to switch it up. Also it would kind of give it a "how to cope with being single vibe" and that's not what this about lol.
I was having a conversation with an older class mate of mine at school and she was talking about her niece. She was telling me how her niece was just awesome in every sense of the word. She was going on and on about how gorgeous, ambitious, responsible, and how sweet she is as a person. But when it came to dating, she said she has adapted so much to being single, it's hard for her to accept anyone into her life on a romantic level to the point where she basically pushes them away. My classmate basically flat out said that she see's that adaptation was more negative than positive. Most if not all of my friends agreed with her.
At the same time, my classmate stated that she herself realized that deep down she just doesn't want to be alone, and she wanted to find that person to connect with. I guess everyone would have their own personal biases about either situation, as I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. My classmate seems like a happy individual and seems to be very happy with her marriage, however, I don't really know what's going on behind closed doors.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
Adapting to me, is kind of an acceptance that your relationship status is likely going to be the one you are in for the intermediate future, so you make peace with it and temper your expectations to match. While I want a girlfriend, I don't have much hope in that changing anytime soon so, I plan my life accordingly.
I didn't want to use the word "alone" or "single" because they've been used ad nauseum here. Lol and I wanted to switch it up. Also it would kind of give it a "how to cope with being single vibe" and that's not what this about lol.
I was having a conversation with an older class mate of mine at school and she was talking about her niece. She was telling me how her niece was just awesome in every sense of the word. She was going on and on about how gorgeous, ambitious, responsible, and how sweet she is as a person. But when it came to dating, she said she has adapted so much to being single, it's hard for her to accept anyone into her life on a romantic level to the point where she basically pushes them away. My classmate basically flat out said that she see's that adaptation was more negative than positive. Most if not all of my friends agreed with her.
At the same time, my classmate stated that she herself realized that deep down she just doesn't want to be alone, and she wanted to find that person to connect with. I guess everyone would have their own personal biases about either situation, as I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. My classmate seems like a happy individual and seems to be very happy with her marriage, however, I don't really know what's going on behind closed doors.
I just basically said that people should do what makes them happy. But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
I would've pretty much said the same thing. *shrug*.
eh, when I was single I wanted to be single and when I wanted a date I had a date.
Ten years after my divorce is when Mr. CSD & I got married and honestly when we became we neither of us was actively looking for anyone let alone looking for a serious, long term, committed relationship. Our lives were moving along just fine and then things took a romantic turn and the next thing you know, we eloped.
Last week we celebrated our 10th Anniversary quietly with the two of us.
Edited to add: Adapting to me is defined as living my life without focusing on one specific part.
... I really had a difficult time seeing that "adaptation" as a bad thing. ...But I want to know what you all think about what she said. What does adapting mean to you? The way she phrased it was just very interesting to me. Haha.
I don't see adaptation as a negative thing either. Some of the trials I have gone through to learn how to do things for myself have been very frustrating and time consuming. At the end of the day though, I'm so glad to have finished something, and make it work. I'm glad I didn't have the inclination, pattern, or maybe even money, to ask someone else to do it, after the fact. It would have take away the opportunity to learn, and to reinforce the idea that I can figure it out, someone else isn't smarter, they just tried until they figured it out, like I can.
I.E.: Fix the washing machine, put up a fence, figure out which fuse needs to be replaced to make a blinker work. My mother has a very different attitude, for her there is 'men's work'. She doesn't seem impressed when I tell her something I learned or did for myself: "Hey! I just got the garage door back on track, it's spring-loaded, and I believe I may have almost become headless for a minute, but I finally figured it out!" Or how I could get a ladder and paint the trim around the 2nd story windows, or bailing out the basement until I found where the drain was and what was covering it....she would reply exasperated: "Couldn't you find a man to do that?" She was raised on a farm in MN, but really acts like a southern belle, or as my daughter calls her: Princess Grandma.
I actually think proudly of the I love Lucy moments where it seemed hopeless then, like magic, the IKEA bed with pictures and no words in the instructions is finally put together. The right way! I didn't just end the scene by crying: "Oh Ricky!" and have someone who could do something finish it for me. I sincerely hope I have instilled at least some of that thinking in my daughter. Many times I remember her watching me and asking: "What are you trying to do? Ask Dad!" For better or worse, he was usually not around, there was no one to nag, I would act more confident than I felt, and explain: "Well if this is some regular guy's job, and you tell me you think I'm pretty smart, then why wouldn't I be able to figure it out?"
That's what I think of adapting. Going from a woman's role, to a thinking person's role. I see and feel a man entering my life, in the future, like a fortune teller would, but it will be because it's the right time, the right man, and I am alright with myself, so that I can be secure enough to have a relationship.
Adapting, to me, is adjusting your expectations in such a way that you are able to appreciate where you are in life. You have to adapt to all kinds of things, over and over again, in life, unless you completely isolate yourself, and even then, you still have to adapt to things that change within yourself.
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