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You know, if they had slept together and such, I might think that she had a right to be upset.
Again, it's:
Boy meets Girl
Boy takes Girl on dinner date
Girl tells Boy (2 days later): "I'm not looking for relationship. Let's be friends."
Girl tells Boy (1 week later): "I'm talking to an ex....trying for another chance with him..." (How ego-bruising is that?)
Boy tells Girl: "What about (insert girlfriend's name)? How's she?"
Girl blows a gasket, tells Boy that he hurt/upset her...not speaking.
No hand holding, no sex, no intimate action.
Boy goes out with girls friend - Sparks! Sexual desire, passion!!!
I would react like that woman did I'm sad to say. It is based on FEELING that, not what is logical and acceptable in the dating realm.
And if we had slept together - HELL NO.
As an innocent bystander not involved in this triangle, I find your friend icky and tacky and none of my girlfriends would be interested in him for that reason.
When this would not apply is if as a group you all were friends for awhile on even footing and feelings developed and although kinda awkward you two want to move forward. And the parties around would have to be mature enough.
From a distance your friend might be considered just a guy who hits on anyone one at a time until he gets lucky - and has nothing to do with compatibility, building a relationship etc...
Help me fathom this,
if the guy had a ONS with one girl in the group but the girl did not want to pursue a relationship then this is all copacetic. Just a hookup. If he just hangs around and is nice to everyone and one night goes home with one of Girl1's friends, then this is probably okay too. However if he actually tries to ask another girl out in the interests of pursuing a relationship with her then he is just creepy and weird.
This seems to be an area (one of many) of the female psyche I don't understand ?
Boy tells Girl: "What about (insert girlfriend's name)? How's she?"
If you want to know what the problem is, it's this. He could have just left out the talk of her friend and made a move on his own...
That's what her problem is, if he doesn't care that it bothers her, than there really isn't a problem, is there? Why does he care what she thinks?
Probably not a bad idea. I guess it would depend on the reaction of the girl who put him in the friend zone.
Putting someone in the friend zone seems to be a control mechanism. "I don't like you enough to date you, but I know you like me, so I can control your actions." is what I general consider someone who has been banished there.
If, on the other hand, she treated him well and with respect, than I would agree with you.
But, if it is a control mechanism, the faster he can distance himself from that destructive relationship, the better. Otherwise, her friends just continue to associate the two of them.
I'm thinking more in terms of having a chance with the friend. I think most women aren't going to be interested in a guy who dated their friend who then quickly comes on to them. I think he'd have a much better chance with the friend being interested if he waited a while and just got to know everyone better.
Yes...she's crazy like many others so your friend is lucky she friendzoned him. Now, birds of a feather flock together so he might want to watch out for similar drama with anyone he got introduced to.
I'm thinking more in terms of having a chance with the friend. I think most women aren't going to be interested in a guy who dated their friend who then quickly comes on to them. I think he'd have a much better chance with the friend being interested if he waited a while and just got to know everyone better.
If the friend found him attractive for any reason, that wouldn't matter. She'd jump at the chance to go out with him, and would probably as her gf if she minded if they dated.
And who's to say he'd have the option of hanging out with the group? He'd have to somehow hint or wheedle his way into a girls' night out, or something, in order to do that. The friendzoning doesn't necessarily come with season tickets to his ex-date/new "friend"s pub crawls with her gf's. What it probably means is, "Don't call me, I'll call you."
If the friend found him attractive for any reason, that wouldn't matter. She'd jump at the chance to go out with him, and would probably as her gf if she minded if they dated.
And who's to say he'd have the option of hanging out with the group? He'd have to somehow hint or wheedle his way into a girls' night out, or something, in order to do that. The friendzoning doesn't necessarily come with season tickets to his ex-date/new "friend"s pub crawls with her gf's. What it probably means is, "Don't call me, I'll call you."
Exactly! I think his approach is more upfront and more likely to yield results if the other friend likes him. These people have only just met. There's no guarantee that he would ever be invited to anything ever again especially if he's been friend zoned.
If you want to know what the problem is, it's this. He could have just left out the talk of her friend and made a move on his own...
I think that's how most guys would do it. Whoever mentioned that #2 is a huge risk based on the circumstances is correct also though, and Rick's friend needs to have enough nerve to take the chance but not care about the outcome.
Success involves taking risks, anything else is just speculation or excuses IMO.
Hmm. I dunno, I think I would feel a bit weird if I had gone on a date with a guy and he then wanted to date one of my friends. I don't think any of my friends would be interested in that sort of arrangement either.
That's not the guy's problem, if the woman didn't wanna date him in the first place.
If she don't wanna go out with him, she needs to get over the fact that he's going out with her friend.
I've had this happen to me too and the girl who friend zoned me in my scenario had a lot of frickin nerve.
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