Am I the reason/to blame for my girlfriends poor behaviour?

[Throwaway224]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Not just familiar, but traumatic. Many people have an deep need to re-enact traumatic events that happened to them in childhood in a subconscious attempt to have a better resolution,

So she is re-enacting the time her mother cheated on her father by going through my phone, implying that I've slept with my (platonic) female friends and alienating them by called them derogatory names?
Why would she do this (even subconsciously)? In what way does this help her?

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

I'm betting her relationships previous to you were either very chaotic, like yours has been, or she has sabotaged them.

You should ask her what her previous boyfriends were like. I'll bet she doesn't have very glowing reviews of them.

I 'hope' (not nice, I know) that her previous relationship(s) have been chaotic, because this would mean that she's the problem and not me.
She hasn't told me anything that was really negative about her previous boyfriend. The only things she's revealed was that she was tired of him (he didn't have the same academic aspirations as her) and that he was 'very clumsy'. Apparently he numerous times threw away his cellphone, so she couldn't get a hold of him in longer periods of time. And then there's the fact that she's told me that he has stalked me on social media; I don't know if that says a whole lot. That's pretty much all I know.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by Throwaway224

So she is re-enacting the time her mother cheated on her father by going through my phone, implying that I've slept with my (platonic) female friends and alienating them by called them derogatory names?
Why would she do this (even subconsciously)? In what way does this help her?

In her mind, you are probably cheating. If you are not now you probably will. She needs to go through your phone to either confirm that you are (in which case it confirms what she thinks) or to demonstrate that your aren't (this makes her feel better, but only temporarily, since she figures you will probably cheat anyway.

I 'hope' (not nice, I know) that her previous relationship(s) have been chaotic, because this would mean that she's the problem and not me.
She hasn't told me anything that was really negative about her previous boyfriend. The only things she's revealed was that she was tired of him (he didn't have the same academic aspirations as her) and that he was 'very clumsy'. Apparently he numerous times threw away his cellphone, so she couldn't get a hold of him in longer periods of time. And then there's the fact that she's told me that he has stalked me on social media; I don't know if that says a whole lot. That's pretty much all I know.

You have a different problem than she does. Your need is to find someone who is insecure and chaotic and then take responsibility for her bad behavior.

[canadiangirl_2015]

OMG. Seriously? Why all the rationalization about her behaviour? She isn't a nice person. End of story. I have been cheated on. My dad left my mom. And I don't act this way. She is responsible for her own behaviour, not you. She was probably with that other guy for 4 years because he was a wimp and put up with her crap. That has nothing to do with you. I will tell you, I have been married for ages, and if my husband ever did any of these things, including looking through my phone, I would seriously think about if I wanted to be with him. She sounds psychotic. You are only there because of the bedroom, no other reason. Get over that.

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015

OMG. Seriously? Why all the rationalization about her behaviour? She isn't a nice person. End of story.

Seriously, indeed!
OP must like the drama of it all...