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IDK if that's true Chow--some people seem to have an inborn sense of how these things work and they get paired up w/o too much fuss and stay married so they don't have to deal with this. Others just struggle. I suspect you're of the first type. Kind folks like you really do want to help but can't really imagine what the problem might be. When I find the right man and all this is behind me, it will be worth it, but it's hard to even imagine being happy with my love life right now. And yet, I am happy with my life in general right now so all is well. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.
And now I'm getting ready to go out and be stupid--yes, meeting up with him tonight--no one else is coming but us. But if things don't move forward, I'm going to start looking for alternate activities lol. I refuse to do the chasing so he will have to step up if he wants any fireworks of the heart. LOL
I think this is primarily where men and women differ. You know you're going to do something stupid, but you're forging forward anyways. I think a guy would just say the hell with it and leave it alone. That's the nurturing side of women. They'll stay in the fight when it appears bleak to other people. There's nothing wrong with it, but you have to accept those consequences as well.
Lol nothing that interesting. It was just in this weird twilight zone somewhere between a date and buddies hanging out and he made very little eye contact (unlike other times when he would sometimes look at me like he really liked me). Then he saw a woman he knew and told a "funny " story about her thinking he wanted to go out with her and I was just done. Left at 9 and ignored his text this morning. Something tells me I'm one of many. He's a handsome man but that's not why I started to like him--I resisted his charms for months until I started to think there's more there. He plays games with women's hearts and thinks he's brightening their day. I'm glad I went tho because now I think I'm over it.
Lol nothing that interesting. It was just in this weird twilight zone somewhere between a date and buddies hanging out and he made very little eye contact (unlike other times when he would sometimes look at me like he really liked me). Then he saw a woman he knew and told a "funny " story about her thinking he wanted to go out with her and I was just done. Left at 9 and ignored his text this morning. Something tells me I'm one of many. He's a handsome man but that's not why I started to like him--I resisted his charms for months until I started to think there's more there. He plays games with women's hearts and thinks he's brightening their day. I'm glad I went tho because now I think I'm over it.
Ugh, how uncomfortable. I'm glad that you found this out sooner rather than later I've met this type before, thinks he's a real ladies man and all women love him, yet we're cringing inside.
I have a friend group that I go out with most Friday evenings. We've been doing this for about 2 years and in the past few months one of the men began to attend more regularly and seemed like he was singling me out for attention. In the past couple of months his attentions began to be more noticeable to everyone and people started asking me if we're dating. When he began to pay more attention to me, my feelings went from moderately interested to very interested and the chemistry started to grow quickly, for me anyway. Seemed to be so for him also.
The problem is that he's already dating a woman, though he claims that he told her they're not in a relationship but she wants to be in one. Sounds familiar. He started to tease me about going out with him, but never actually asked me so I just leveled with him and told him that while he's highly attractive and all, I'm not interested in dating a man who's going out with someone else, no matter how casual he may view the thing with her.
Meanwhile, one part of me thinks he's just playing with me and another part thinks he has real feelings and every action can be interpreted both ways. Also, he has accused me of playing with him but I'm not. He's teased me about being a female player b/c I dance a lot with different men but I'm not--wondering if he really thinks that or if it's teasing.
I do know that the ex did a real number on him and his self esteem really suffered, but they've been divorced for several years. He still talks about it and I'm thinking he should be over this by now.
So are you getting the picture that I've fallen for this man that I've never even dated or kissed? That's what's happened and I'm embarrassed about it--he just doesn't seem serious enough about me for me to think it would be wise to pursue this but we're embedded in the same friend group and I don't want to start staying home--I'm isolated enough as it is. He has never asked me out but he's teased me about it plenty, and that makes me think he's not interested. He acts like a bashful school boy but I think that must be an act b/c he's very outgoing and popular with women and is generally flirtatious but not a player.
So my choices are: I could stop going out on Fridays with my friends. I could ask him to stop going but then I'd have to tell him why. Besides, why would I deprive him of a good time b/c I couldn't control my feelings? I could declare my feelings, and make a total ass of myself. Could cut contact and always wonder. I could keep going out on Friday nights and fall further and further for this man. I could chill him out till he goes away of his own accord.
The more I see him the better I like him and he gets more glued to my side every time he comes--only dances with me and looks at me constantly, even when he thinks I'm not looking. Once I asked him not to do that and it lasted about 10 min. I tried scaring him away by telling him that I'm looking for something serious and my health condition and that I wait a looong time for sex lol.
On the one hand, it seems to be a relationship that is developing very slowly and we're both enjoying the flirting and teasing, and then I think I must be a real fool and that he's stringing me along. It's one of those situations where I totally knew better and then fell for it anyway. It mainly feels like heartbreak waiting to happen and I'm the type to fall for emotionally unavailable men and I thought I had done enough work on myself to move past that, but maybe not. IDK, what would you all do? (I have bolded the possible decisions that I'm considering in this choice. If you can think of something better, I'd love to hear it.)
I should add that I'd like to take care of this in the most mature and dignified manner possible but not so dignified as to miss a great opportunity if one is possible. Anyway, drama is not my style.
You have a history of being attracted to unavailable guys and then blaming them when things don't work out. You are repeating the pattern again with this guy.
You probably could benefit from therapy to help you not be attracted to these guys in the first place.
there is even another man in our friend group that I know he feels jealousy towards though I'm not sure why b/c I don't flirt with the man--he likes me but is not someone I would date.
Went on a date with one of them the other night and was bored stinkless. I am trying to stay focused on dating others but haven't met any yet that I like enough to see again. Have thought about putting my POF profile back up but get depressed by the thought.
Oh and here's an example of why I think he's toying with me: got a text the other morning and it said, "If we were hitched, would you cook for me all the time?" (He loves my cooking lol) A male friend said, "Yep, he's just playing you, because you two haven't even had a date yet." Hmm
What made the boring guy boring and what makes the exciting guy you like exciting?
I'm wondering if you are turned off by stability and willingness to commit. If so, you may want to investigate why, because these things are necessary for a successful long-term relationship.
Yes, this is definitely something to consider.
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