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If marriage is the end game here I wouldn't invest 5 years into a person. I think after about a year, maybe year and half you know a person well enough. Sorta need to get past that goofy lovey dovey phase to get a better idea of true compatibility.
As painful as a break up is, you need to figure out whether or not to move on.
Not true. I have several female friends that are now married and ALL of their husbands proposed after dating for 2 up to 4 years.
Well you beat their record you are in 5 years and going. Well, when you broke up and he drunk call you. You should have stood your ground. The ONLY reason you are still not married is coz of you. You let him get away with it.
By the way, he essentially want to marry you by making your union legal. He even initiated everything but what did you do? You want a marriage. And you said you are not even religious. I don't get you. I thought the need for marriage is for your union to be legal.
So your country has a legal union thing. What is the difference between that and your marriage obsession? I don't get it.
It honestly is your fault that you are still not married. And I really don't think you will, if you keep coming back to him without giving you what you want - marriage.
Well you beat their record you are in 5 years and going. Well, when you broke up and he drunk call you. You should have stood your ground. The ONLY reason you are still not married is coz of you. You let him get away with it.
By the way, he essentially want to marry you by making your union legal. He even initiated everything but what did you do? You want a marriage. And you said you are not even religious. I don't get you. I thought the need for marriage is for your union to be legal.
So your country has a legal union thing. What is the difference between that and your marriage obsession? I don't get it.
It honestly is your fault that you are still not married. And I really don't think you will, if you keep coming back to him without giving you what you want - marriage.
Trying to play the blame game hm? Sorry but not taking it. I know it's not my fault that we're not married yet.
But to answer your question, marriage IS different to me than the free union thing. Plus, he didn't even want to make the free union thing official. His idea basically was to sign the papers and never let anyone know about this. So I would still not be his wife, not in his eyes and neither in the eyes of our friends and family.
Trying to play the blame game hm? Sorry but not taking it. I know it's not my fault that we're not married yet.
But to answer your question, marriage IS different to me than the free union thing. Plus, he didn't even want to make the free union thing official. His idea basically was to sign the papers and never let anyone know about this. So I would still not be his wife, not in his eyes and neither in the eyes of our friends and family.
Well, it really is your fault. I really don't see anyone else to blame on this one. It ALWAYS is the woman that is in charge of the marriage issue. Women is the end all and be all of why they still are not married.
And by the way, that is just so shady of him. What's with not letting anyone know about it. Are you sure he is not cheating?
And in spite of that, you still came back to him? WHY? Regardless of both your stance in marriage that's TOTAL opposite?
Yes, OP, you are to blame for all of this.
Why did you give him a chance? Why did you stay that long unmarried? If it really is THAT important to you? Yes, I blame you all for it. Sorry not sorry.
Regardless of whether SOME men take 5 or 8 or 10 years to get to the point of wanting to marry, it is unfair to expect the OP to KEEP waiting indefinitely. She certainly doesn't KNOW he'll change his mind and she has lost a great deal of time already.
OP, you are smart not to move back in - even without doing so it seems you're pretty close to the status quo you had before and the closer you are to the the more satisfied he is! If you are NOT satisfied you need to make that clear and stop compromising. I think the odds are bad for you. Even if you say "I want to be engaged by xx date" and he comes through that means nothing in terms of actually getting married. And he has continued to lie to you over and over to get you to stay. Think about that - think about him lying to you about something he says he NEVER wanted or wants to do. Isn't THAT your answer? I know it's painful, but if this is a dealbreaker then you need to move on. You're still very young - don't lose more time if being married is important to you.
Should I even get into whether you've had a discussion about kids? You should discuss marriage without having a strong agreement about kids as well...that could be agonizingly painful to find out you don't agree after all this time, as well.
I wouldn't want to drag anyone to the alter if they didn't know within a year or two deep within themselves that I was the one they wanted to marry,I would definately move on.
But I'm a romantic and some people are more practical.
I've heard this story so many times,they drag it out for five,six or more years then meet someone they are truly in love with and marry her within the year.
Actually I've been married two times and in both cases I was the one who took the bull by its horns. Just by asking "When are we gonna get married?" If the partner started dodging I just cut them loose. If I had waited for a proposal just as patiently without bringing it up I would have probably been still single...
Yap. Pretty much the same with me. I got my husband to marry me within a week, more like less than a month that I move in! The key is bombardment! LOL.
Ya OP that's why I said what I said in my last post.
I want kids. And yes, he wouldn't have any problem having them out of wedlock. But he says having kids is still far away anyways.
I did ask him after less than a year if some day he wants to get married. He said yes, he does. I don't know if he lied to me back then to keep me around or if he just changed his mind.
I still didn't move back in btw, even though I spent most of our time in his apt. I will tell him that I won't move back in til we're engaged. And if he doesn't even want to talk about that, I guess I have to move on. It's hard though since I really love him and since our relationship is so great, I cannot imagine falling in love with someone else (even when we were separated for 9 months I couldn't). Also, I'm scared of starting over again, scared that I'll never find someone who I'd have the kind of relationship I have with him. And who knows, maybe kids just aren't in the cards for me.
Your fertility goes down dramatically after age 35, so if you want a family life & a wedding, you need to move on.
Your fertility goes down dramatically after age 35, so if you want a family life & a wedding, you need to move on.
1) She's 29.
2) And while that may or may not be true, women have had healthy babies after 35. My brother's god mother has a healthy baby girl, and she had her in her late 30's.
2) And while that may or may not be true, women have had healthy babies after 35. My brother's god mother has a healthy baby girl, and she had her in her late 30's.
It's not a may or may not issue. It's a medical fact that after the later 30's women have more chances of issues either during pregnancy or with birth defect issues.
I never knew that men have issues after 40 as well, that was a bit of an eye opener, but I guess it make sense. Things start slowing going down hill about then, so makes some sense that men's stuff isn't as viable as we age.
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