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In the nicest way I am asking...what makes you stay with her? Do you have hopes of her improving at some point? Do you think you need to be there to nurse her through this somehow?
You're with someone right now who doesn't even want to talk about this, and derides your concern. Looking way down the road...what's going to be different, than what's happening today? You're young, and you deserve better.
IF she acted like she wanted help...maybe I'd have different advice...but she doesn't...and she'll be miserable probably...but don't let her pull you down too.
You know...when I was younger, I dated a guy who was an alcoholic. We were both in our 20's, and at first, I just thought "Hey, we're young, we drink, we party. Not a big deal." As a little bit of time went on, came to realize he was drunk more often than not, and his drunkenness caused him to be a jerk, more often than not.
I got stood up for dates a lot. One time, when he'd stood me up, he showed up on my lawn in the middle of the night, begging me to come outside and talk to him. I was miffed at being stood up, and didn't feel like conversing with a drunk, or getting into some kind of OTHER altercation with him, since he was drunk.
Another time, we went out together, and everything was fine, and we were having fun, and then he suddenly wanted to leave. He was very drunk. I didn't want to leave yet, for that very reason, plus he had the keys to MY car...it only made him matter that I didn't want to leave.
So we left. And he drove. Like a maniac. He stopped at a liquor store to pick up some beer. I was pretty incredulous, and said something like "You're drunk on your ass, and you're getting MORE beer??" When I said that, he almost backhanded me.
And then he drove us to HIS house. I was pretty much trapped there. He stripped down to his underwear, and then sat next to me on the couch and put his head in my lap, and passed out.
I very very quietly got up, went searching for my keys, found them, and left. It was the last time I ever saw him. He called me the next day to apologize, and told me he'd never drink again, and blah blah blah. I told him I hoped he was telling the truth...but I was done. I would not be seeing him again. And that was the last conversation I ever had with him.
Many many years later, I met a woman who was his sister in law. Because of her name, I asked her if she knew the guy I used to date. Her eyes got big, and she said "You're THAT (my first name)? She told me that he always referred to me as the one who got away, and she told me he was still a drunk. The kind of guy who carries a flask round 24/7, and shows up to the niece's and nephew's soccer games drunk and alone.
Life is hard enough. Life would've been all that much harder if I'd spent any more time with him. If your GF isn't going to change, she will drag you down to misery.
I haven't read any replies, after 4 pages there's a chance it will have been covered.
This is straight up abusive behaviour.
You may believe she can change, you may believe you will be the one to change her.
She won't, and you won't.
Maybe it's a phase, maybe she's just a bit stressed ?
Nope, neither.
She has issues, but do NOT make excuses for her, as someone who has been there, if you do, you are setting yourself up for a LOT of pain.
She might change with counselling, but that will take years. Years of you being hurt. Repeatedly.
Years of you making the same excuses for her. Repeatedly.
Point her in the direction of a psychologist, then walk away.
Do you want to live this way the rest of your life? Do you want your future children to be exposed to this? Do you want your future children to learn how to handle stress by having temper tantrums? Do you want your future children not to have the ability to self-assess and learn to change their behavior? Do you want to be in the middle of this?
we've been together for 2 years and I'm 25 and she's 27.
so... where do I start. My girlfriend has problems in managing anger. When we're having a discussion, most of the time she'll just explode by starting to scream, throwing things around the house, pull her hairs and so on (sometimes she even tried to hit me).
Today something even worst happened. We were not having a discussion about anything, but she was just asking for my opinion on an assignment she needs to do for uni. We already discussed this, so I just said my opinion once again.
For some reasons, this time she found my opinion to be different from the one I gave her a few days ago (which is not true, as she later understood) and she simply started to panic.
She starts to scream, pull her hairs, saying 'you said another thing the other day!!!!', then she go into the kitchen, she grabs a fork and she throw it to the wall. Then she pick it up and she throw it again.
She later calmed down and started to cry, saying she's sorry etc etc (as she always does).
I'm honestly scared and I don't know what to do. Maybe she has a nervous breakdown or something, but she always behaves like this.
What should I do?
Thank you so much!
Run!!!!!! I assume children are not involved yet. Just think how she will respond when the stress increases. You heard it here first...run!!!!
we've been together for 2 years and I'm 25 and she's 27.
so... where do I start. My girlfriend has problems in managing anger. When we're having a discussion, most of the time she'll just explode by starting to scream, throwing things around the house, pull her hairs and so on (sometimes she even tried to hit me).
Today something even worst happened. We were not having a discussion about anything, but she was just asking for my opinion on an assignment she needs to do for uni. We already discussed this, so I just said my opinion once again.
For some reasons, this time she found my opinion to be different from the one I gave her a few days ago (which is not true, as she later understood) and she simply started to panic.
She starts to scream, pull her hairs, saying 'you said another thing the other day!!!!', then she go into the kitchen, she grabs a fork and she throw it to the wall. Then she pick it up and she throw it again.
She later calmed down and started to cry, saying she's sorry etc etc (as she always does).
I'm honestly scared and I don't know what to do. Maybe she has a nervous breakdown or something, but she always behaves like this.
What should I do?
Thank you so much!
I would be worried as well. If you love this gal, get her to some help. Like yesterday. There could be a physical issue like a brain tumor or something causing this. Such wild swings are flat not right. There's a serious problem somewhere. A physical cause, or maybe some serious past trauma you don't know about that she's hiding.
After a serious trauma happened to my lady she had meltdown incidents. Did things so wildly out of character it truly scared me. I even left for a short time because I just needed some breathing room and she wound up in the hospital not two days later. I came back and haven't left her side since. Because I truly love her and her condition wasn't her fault. Yea, people are telling you to run, but if you really love her, stay, and get her the help she so obviously needs. Whatever is causing this I highly doubt she has control over it.
My lady didn't. It wasn't her fault. And by stepping off, even for that short time, she felt abandoned and alone when all she was doing was begging for help. She didn't have the power to cope with what had happened to her and when I went off to my buddys ranch to get some space something just as bad happened to her again in the short time I was gone. It was actually worse to my mind. I still blame myself for it. So you have your options. If you don't really love her you can saddle up and sink spur and whatever happens to her happens and you probably won't feel guilty, but if you truly love her, you'll stay and fight for and with her to heal whatever is killing her.
OP,
I know exactly what I am talking about. My advice is sound. I realized too late that my wife had significant mental issues, that of course are not her fault. Of course! I was not exposed to those mental issues prior to meeting my wife, so I only knew something wrong but I could not explain it or figure it out.
For my situation, we have been married for 30 years. She is still the most beautiful woman that I know and I am lucky enough to call my wife. To this day, my heart palpitates with passion when returning home from my business trips. We lead a happy life with 5 adult children (all ours, no step children). When its good, its really good. When its bad, its really bad. Obviously that means there have been MANY ups and downs throughout our marriage. Now, we are challenged with a adult child with the same bipolar issues. My other children are fine, but they are impacted by the issues with the mother and the sibling. It causes alot of stress in the home.
The reality is that I am human so there are days like today where I ask myself what I was thinking. Let those people talk about love, but the reality is, you will be challenged and it is NOT EASY. "Love will overcome all" is true and false, but mostly very misleading to younger couples trying to figure it out. I am saying this is only a peek behind the curtains. I know what is behind those curtains and I will tell you that its tough!!! Really tough!!! I pray that you hear me and consider everything that I said. 2 years is a drop in the bucket. You can move on.
Abusive relationships are extremely dangerous. Because they always escalate into worse and worse damage (either to property or to the victim's body). People have actually been killed by their abusers. Literally they're dead now because they didn't leave the abuse while they were still breathing. Do you want to be just another statistic? Do you want to end up dead? I'm sure a lot of those people who were murdered by their abusers all said it would never happen to them.
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Run!!!
