Finding love after 40? (husband, kid, advice, divorced)
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While you are only 40 OP don't rush into another relationship. Find out what makes YOU tick, what kind of a person you would enjoy spending time with and don't settle. Be careful who you bring around your children is the most important advice I can give you especially since you and your wife haven't even filed papers yet. Consider what your kids are going through and don't bring women home for awhile.
People find love at all ages. It is not true that all the good ones are taken, at any age. My uncle found his wife when he was almost 60. I have lots of friends who are single in their 40's and 50's. They are happy. Some are single by choice, others are dating. The ones who are dating don't have trouble finding people to date. Do not worry about that. For right now you should just focus on your kids, on yourself, you shouldn't be worried about dating right now. Your kids need you. Your wife is being incredibly selfish to already have them meet this guy. But you don't need to be that way. Your children certainly don't need the drama of you dating at this point. They have enough to deal with/
Also, don't under estimate your friends. Just because they are married, doesn't mean they can't be there for you, hang out, etc. I am married and I would of course be there for a friend in your situation. And in good times, my friends and I still have nights out just us, trips just us etc. Give them a chance before you assume they won't be there for you.
Also, I know you are hurting, but don't let her walk all over you in regards to the kids, money, house etc. You have rights, just as much as she does. I suspect she will try to use your heartbreak to her advantage, don't let her!!!
Definitely! One of my best relationship happened after age 40. After 40, I'm established in my career enough that I can focus my time on my relationship. I already had a kid, so I'm not rushed to be married and have kids. I would be in a relationship with someone only because I really want him for himself, and because I truly enjoy his company.
Definitely! One of my best relationship happened after age 40. After 40, I'm established in my career enough that I can focus my time on my relationship. I already had a kid, so I'm not rushed to be married and have kids. I would be in a relationship with someone only because I really want him for himself, and because I truly enjoy his company.
Can you please elaborate?
Before your 40's, what did you want a man for if not for himself and his company?
Before your 40's, what did you want a man for if not for himself and his company?
I understand that statement to mean: Needs and wants change after 40. Maybe before (40ish) some want a man for status, i.e: to look 'normal' to their friends, family, coworkers. One of the reasons I needed a man around for more than company in my 30's was for parenting, to have a stable home life for our child, but it turns out it was all for appearance. I didn't know any better at the time. As time went on I realized I did't need to work on making that man an acceptable parent for our child anymore, hope he'd change, hope he'd go to counseling, as my daughter and I both became more independent, there was less reason to put up with his deal-breakers.
Sometimes (in my experience) it takes until one is older and more experienced to find out they can do things as a capable adult like repair a fence, move furniture into a new place, taxes, buy a car or house all by themselves -without being taken advantage of as a single woman (who might not have a guy with them to ask about important stuff ). I feel like I represent myself more as a person now and not 'the other half' of something. I can take or leave a relationship at this time, I don't need one to feel 'normal' or complete, I don't need anyone to 'help' me, so now it would just be for himself as he is, and his company.
Before your 40's, what did you want a man for if not for himself and his company?
Before 40, besides wanting him for himself and his company, I'd also take into consideration whether he wants kids and will he make a good dad and will he want to get married since I'd want to get married before having a family. Now, as long as he's a good man and we enjoy each other company when we're together, that's enough for me. I enjoy the "now" moment and being with him rather than planning far ahead whether we're going to get married, or last forever.
Well thx for all the experiences! We had set out Monday , with the moderator , and in 2 weeks it's signed . I will let you know at that point what it all is . Once it's in stone .
I'm in no way able to date now , it was just a question really. I'm busy from dusk till dawn. I'm sooooooo tired . Full time work , homework , dinner , laundry , housework . I'm still adjusting , but I'm getting decent . Kids 6,11,14 , this is no joke , it's alot!
I'm way better now than before , but I know I'm still hurting . Her mom and my brother in law got my back and have been mentally supporting me . That helps a lot . I just don't see how she can drive down our driveway and look at this house ( that i have been building , 80% done) her car , and be fine ? She is out at the bars all night , posting on Facebook . Can't you miss if not me , your kids ? She takes them for 3 hours , with her BF , who she just ran two 3 weeks ago that I had no idea about ...I bath them , shower them , care for them . What she is doing is not being a parent .
Tbh , I don't think I ever want a relationship . It's been my theory all my life . There is not a person in this world that won't fucck you over . Some just need better reasons than others . Her affair had been going on for a long time . Tbh , I think she has had them for 20 years . I get the sex part , who dosnt , it's the stealing and lieing I can't get over .
I'm just sick , and every night I fall asleep , but wake at strange hours and can't stop the rewind button in my head . So then I'm even more tired . It's a very odd situation to be in right now . I know I'll be better off in the end , but this part sux . So yea bitching on the Internet helps
Why is 40 seen as the age at which people think life as they know it is over? It seems like a great age to me. Not too young, definitely not old.
There are plenty of 40 somethings out there looking for love.
I think you are lying. Lol!
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). I feel like I represent myself more as a person now and not 'the other half' of something. I can take or leave a relationship at this time, I don't need one to feel 'normal' or complete, I don't need anyone to 'help' me, so now it would just be for himself as he is, and his company. 
