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I would love it, so long as he's happy with arrangement, too.
Mine would absolutely love the being with the kids part. But he would be a complete housekeeping failure (I know this to be true based on the housekeeping habits I married into 3.5 years ago). He would not maintain a reasonable standard of order and organization, most likely, in any scenario. Thus, he would almost definitely be doing only one facet of being a stay-at-home parent, the childcare portion, versus all the things that would need to be done.
Since I am self-employed, I worked and did the SAHD routine. Gotta admit that once the kids started going to school at 7:30, the SAHD routine was the easiest gig on the planet. Three hours a day, absolute tops. And that was when I was keeping the house whistle-clean to sell. Most days, it was two hours at the very most.
Seriously, I'd drop the kids off, come home, work straight through to three, pick up the kids, do the housework, and cook dinner. Any thing I didn't get done work-wise would be finished up after they went to bed. So it's not that challenging to do both if you're halfway organized. Of course, the kids pitched in making their beds and doing light chores. But anyone who claims that staying at home is a full-time job once the kids are in school is either chronically disorganized or is just conning you.
In truth, the hard part of being a SAHD isn't the workload, but rather the sense of isolation. There are plenty of SAHMs in the world, and they tend to find one another. In my community, there is an entire network of things SAHMs can do to remain occupied and involved, such as charitable organizations, churches, tennis leagues, you name it. At the same time, much fewer opportunities exist for a guy, simply because there's a bit of a stigma associated with not leaving for the office every morning at 7:45. You can't just hang out with the gals at the tennis courts, you know. People would talk.
Mine would absolutely love the being with the kids part. But he would be a complete housekeeping failure (I know this to be true based on the housekeeping habits I married into 3.5 years ago). He would not maintain a reasonable standard of order and organization, most likely, in any scenario. Thus, he would almost definitely be doing only one facet of being a stay-at-home parent, the childcare portion, versus all the things that would need to be done.
I feel ya. That's why I specified DH is great with kids. Full stop.
Plus we would end up broke, there can be a house full of food, and he will go buy something else, or not find something so go and buy it again.
This is a man that is like "you don't need to clean every day, it takes 3 hours for a clean house." I'm like "no, it takes 3 hours to straighten up and clean horizontal surfaces."
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Seriously, I'd drop the kids off, come home, work straight through to three, pick up the kids, do the housework, and cook dinner. Any thing I didn't get done work-wise would be finished up after they went to bed. So it's not that challenging to do both if you're halfway organized. Of course, the kids pitched in making their beds and doing light chores. But anyone who claims that staying at home is a full-time job once the kids are in school is either chronically disorganized or is just conning you.
+1. Once the youngest started school, I had a solid 6 months at home until I went back to work. It was friggin awesome, after 12 years of relentless childcare and housekeeping. I got everyone off to school, spend and hour or so cleaning (we live in an apartment, so once I got it organized, there really wasn't much to do on a daily basis),then either go out and run errands, or binge-watch and fold laundry until it was time to start dinner.
It was fun because I knew it was temporary; to be a permanent arrangement wouldn't suit me. Not just for financial reasons, but also because it felt like I had plenty to do... but it didn't matter if I actually did it.
But anyone who claims that staying at home is a full-time job once the kids are in school is either chronically disorganized or is just conning you. .
Thank you for a realistic response....
I took over everything for short periods of time when wife was bed ridden during a couple weeks. Even with medically needy children that constantly put us in over our head and strained things, once I got into the groove of things I can see how it can be a lot of work... but certainly no reason to inflate the SAHM/D role that some people claim. Both roles are important and as long as everyone pitches in..
As for those that have husbands that aren't up to the task of housekeeping, just remember if/when you have boys.... Father raised me to participate in all household chores. My main responsibility (even today in my household) is the kitchen; cooking and cleaning. This was quite the departure from the father's culture in which only the girls in the household were taught household skills. Father wasn't perfect but that decision (and the one to push me to college) were right on.
I worked a lot harder when I was a stay-at-home parent, than when I have had a full time job. Even when the kids were in school. But they were still pretty little the last time I had to do so.
I remember their elementary school had a lot of weird half-days and such, so they weren't consistently in school all day every day, and I remember that I was meticulous not only in keeping the house in a state of perfection, I cooked healthy meals and I made sure I got the best prices on everything we needed. I felt I had no right to ask for anything fun for myself, so it was all work, no play for me. When my husband got home, I was all about his comfort. He got the first and best of everything, always. I helped the boys with their homework, I took them walking and to parks, I put a ton of effort into my family. It felt good, but it was HARD WORK with no respite. I asked nothing of my husband, he had to work, so when he got home, he had no other responsibilities. I was tired all the time, socially isolated, and it wasn't really fun...but I did feel pretty accomplished about it all, and that kept my spirits more or less up.
While working a full time job, I simply don't have the energy after my work day, to go home and keep working until I fall over. Some things just don't get done. I don't cook healthy food, I pay whatever the store is charging where it was convenient for me to shop at the time. Sometimes my boys cook, sometimes we have frozen pizza. That would have been unthinkable when I was a SAHM. And I was only that for a few months at a pop when we moved and I was temporarily out of a job.
When my ex was between jobs, it was for longer stretches. If anyone left a mess for him to clean up, he'd go ballistic. His mental health fell apart and he spent long hours playing video games, surfing porn, or getting high in the garage. Screaming at people "No one respects me, I'm just a domestic house b----!" and demanding I do the housework even if I was the only one working. He really couldn't handle it.
I would not at all mind having a man who stayed at home, so long as he was still active and doing mentally healthy things, and cleaning up (at LEAST after himself) and not making my life more stressful. And assuming I was making enough money to support us. I have even told my boyfriend, who is almost 60, that I don't mind one bit being the primary earner, and continuing to work as he retires, since I'm in my working prime still, and him eventually not having to work his job (which he hates.) I would hope, though, that he would continue to be active and find ways to occupy his time productively. I suggested pursuit of his wish to become a photographer, he's done it as a hobby for many years. Of course this is, hopefully, after my teenage sons are grown and moved out, so the "Dad" part isn't pertinent.
I don't know if I really ever felt that being a SAHM was hard work; exhausting and challenging, yes. But it's way harder now, working full time and having school-age children.
I don't know that I'd be okay with having to bring in all the income while my husband stayed at home. As it is, my husband works from home, so he can watch our daughter while I'm at work outside the home.
That being said, I would not want to be a full-time SAHM. I'd need to work at least part-time to keep from going insane.
I feel ya. That's why I specified DH is great with kids. Full stop.
Plus we would end up broke, there can be a house full of food, and he will go buy something else, or not find something so go and buy it again.
This is a man that is like "you don't need to clean every day, it takes 3 hours for a clean house." I'm like "no, it takes 3 hours to straighten up and clean horizontal surfaces."
When my husband is a SAHD, we will be hiring out for housekeeping.
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