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I agree. I would suggest another place and be straight up front "Hhhmmm I am not so sure about X restaurant..." or just be grateful and order something just to spend time with that person. But yeah, if I could chose I rather eat somewhere else.
A guy really needs to maintain a low-profile about his wealth, to avoid women who want to help him spend it. With me, I always practice this, wearing mostly old clothes, that I may have bought at 2nd-hand stores. My choice of vehicles has been those that were older and shabby and my house is small and simple. But despite these outward appearances, the truth is, that I'm actually quite poor.
A guy really needs to maintain a low-profile about his wealth, to avoid women who want to help him spend it. With me, I always practice this, wearing mostly old clothes, that I may have bought at 2nd-hand stores. My choice of vehicles has been those that were older and shabby and my house is small and simple. But despite these outward appearances, the truth is, that I'm actually quite poor.
Funny thing is according to a puff piece I saw on abc news/20/20, you just described the vast majority of millionaires in America. some ageing gold digger wrote a book on how to spot and attract wealthy men and they had experts basically showing how everything in her book was BS. and that most men who fit our image of wealthy really aren't, they are just well off and good at shuffling credit. and most men who are actually millionaires tend to be extremely frugal(most these women would call them cheap), something like 70% of them live in small homes, 64% drive cars over 10 years old the majority don't wear expensive watches or jewelry. they get their food at discount (sams, Costco etc etc....).
And a high percentage of actual millionaires are single and looking.
Their criteria for what a real millionaire for the piece were men with 1 million or more of actual money in the bank not in assets or stocks and such. basically people who would still be millionaires even if there was a massive stock-market crash, or downturn in the real-estate market.
The woman I was dating at the time was watching it with me and said" yep those are those guys you read about in the paper every 5 or 6 years, who everyone thought was poor and when they die their kids or other family are surprised to find millions of dollars stuffed in the walls, mattress , under floorboards and under the garden out back stuffed in mayo jars"
There are studies out there showing that happiness correlates with income up to a certain point (I think it's currently something like $75K USD per year, though obviously it varies depending on your location's COL) and above that income level there is no correlation.
While I don't know if this has been studied, I would guess a similar thing exists when correlating income with dating-- it probably helps to increase income up to a certain point, and then after that point it stops helping and maybe even starts hindering.
For example, increasing income from $25K to $50K or $50K to $75K is going to help you pay for more/better dates and project a more stable lifestyle, without attracting many "golddiggers." Increasing income from $100K to $1 million, on the other hand, is probably going to attract people who are more interested in your money than you.
Also, for what it's worth, my experience is that most women are more interested in a man having an interesting job that he is passionate about than they are his specific income (as long as he is financially stable, pays his bills, etc.). All else being equal, a lot of women would probably rather date a professor who makes $50K per year than a welder who makes $100K per year. Women aren't usually going to know your salary when you first meet them, anyway, unless you tell them.
There are studies out there showing that happiness correlates with income up to a certain point (I think it's currently something like $75K USD per year, though obviously it varies depending on your location's COL) and above that income level there is no correlation.
I remember a study in the 80's that was similar though it had the threshold at 40K not 75K but money went further then so it makes sense. and there are also studies showing the reverse many people are happier after drastically downsizing their income and expenses, I thought it was just me but I learned after posting it here that many guys get less stressful jobs(that often pay much less) after their homes are paid for and they're done with child support. and like me were surprised and disappointed when it hurt our relationship prospects.
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While I don't know if this has been studied, I would guess a similar thing exists when correlating income with dating-- it probably helps to increase income up to a certain point, and then after that point it stops helping and maybe even starts hindering.
For example, increasing income from $25K to $50K or $50K to $75K is going to help you pay for more/better dates and project a more stable lifestyle, without attracting many "golddiggers." Increasing income from $100K to $1 million, on the other hand, is probably going to attract people who are more interested in your money than you.
Actually you can attract a gold digger at almost any income, if you make 50k you will attract a gold digger who makes 25k at her job. Hell I live in a little 2 bedroom house and I could attract a gold digger trying to get out of her single wide.(not that i would not date a woman in a single wide, I just would not want that to be the only reason she is dating me).
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Also, for what it's worth, my experience is that most women are more interested in a man having an interesting job that he is passionate about than they are his specific income (as long as he is financially stable, pays his bills, etc.). All else being equal, a lot of women would probably rather date a professor who makes $50K per year than a welder who makes $100K per year. Women aren't usually going to know your salary when you first meet them, anyway, unless you tell them.
I have noticed the opposite, if a guy has a job he loves that covers his needs, pays his bills but not much else he is viewed as a loser. I have been through that, dated women that called themselves helping but would try to steer me towards higher paying but much higher stress jobs.
I remember a study in the 80's that was similar though it had the threshold at 40K not 75K but money went further then so it makes sense.
Yep. The university that does this study does it every year, and the threshold goes up slightly and predictably every year, more-or-less in line with inflation. It was around $60K when I first became aware of it in the early 2000's. (I don't remember who does the study, but you can find it easily by googling.)
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Originally Posted by cyphorx
Actually you can attract a gold digger at almost any income, if you make 50k you will attract a gold digger who makes 25k at her job.
I think you're seriously stretching the definition of "gold digger." I mean, a homeless person with a sandwich and a tent may be attractive to a homeless person without a sandwich and a tent, but I would say the person seeking the tent and half a sandwich in that situation is just trying to survive, not digging for gold. I think of a "gold digger" as someone trying to get rich by partnering with a rich person. Anyone attempting to do that with someone making $50K per year isn't very good at it, to say the least.
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Originally Posted by cyphorx
I have noticed the opposite, if a guy has a job he loves that covers his needs, pays his bills but not much else he is viewed as a loser.
Is it a job you're interested in and passionate about, that is interesting to others, in the sense that they want to know about it? Did it require some interesting or challenging education or experience to get there? Do you have goals with it? In my experience most (not all, but *most*) women care more about that than whether you are rich or not.
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Originally Posted by cyphorx
I have been through that, dated women that called themselves helping but would try to steer me towards higher paying but much higher stress jobs.
I would personally stay away from those women, then. They aren't the norm (unless there is something important about your situation that you aren't telling us), and aren't good for you.
I think you're seriously stretching the definition of "gold digger." I mean, a homeless person with a sandwich and a tent may be attractive to a homeless person without a sandwich and a tent, but I would say the person seeking the tent and half a sandwich in that situation is just trying to survive, not digging for gold. I think of a "gold digger" as someone trying to get rich by partnering with a rich person. Anyone attempting to do that with someone making $50K per year isn't very good at it, to say the least.
So true. True gold diggers are looking for someone to provide them with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Designer clothing, purses, luxury travel, cars, yachts, pampering at the best spas, hotels, restaurants. Wannabe socialites whose only value is their looks.
The rest are just users and the easiest way not to be used is to not allow it to happen to yourself.
Would you be attracted to someone who isn't at or near your income level anyway? Why do so many guys think that women don't have lucrative careers? Or do you just have a thing for cashiers and secretaries?
A pretty face and a sexy body are still a pretty face and sexy body regardless of the occupation held by that sexy face and sexy body. So, yes, I can be attracted to a sexy cashier or barista or teacher or secretary, etc. And no need to disparage a particular job. People work a variety of jobs for a variety of reasons. Is a person's innate worth and value as a human being dependent on his/her job title or career path?
A pretty face and a sexy body are still a pretty face and sexy body regardless of the occupation held by that sexy face and sexy body. So, yes, I can be attracted to a sexy cashier or barista or teacher or secretary, etc. And no need to disparage a particular job. People work a variety of jobs for a variety of reasons. Is a person's innate worth and value as a human being dependent on his/her job title or career path?
The 22-year-old Geoff thought that but the 59-year-old Geoff has learned the life lessons.
I'm not long term compatible with pretty face + sexy body + dumber'n a bag o' rocks. That would describe ex-wife v1.0. That was 'divide by 2' for my net worth to unwind that one. Thank god we didn't have children.
It's not the job. It's the lack of intellectual engagement. If someone starts talking about "American Idol" or "The Voice", I'm going to go out of my mind no matter how good they are in the sack or how hot they look. Smart, engaged, educated people tend to have interesting career tracks even if they don't pay big money. My girlfriend is a 5%er but it's more important that her book cases have literature & culture instead of bodice rippers.
I'm physically attracted to all kinds of women. I'm not going to date anyone who isn't bright & engaged. Why waste my time?
OP, can you give us an example or two of the situations in which you've been told that, or have witnessed other men being told that? Real-life examples are preferable. Movies and TV are fictional and often dramatize things, so those examples wouldn't be as helpful (yes, it does say something if a topic is repeated in fictional settings, but that's probably a different rabbit hole).
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Or do you just have a thing for cashiers and secretaries?
