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I think you are proving my point that it is entirely possible for a man to hold doors open, open a car door and perform other old school mannerisms for women without actually respecting them much at all. You may go through the ritualized motions but don't seem to understand that women are human beings each with unique personalities and quirks. Some will like what you do, others will be indifferent and some will react negatively. You seem to have some idealized version of a woman in your head that matches up more with an animated Disney princess than an actual living person.
And when you say that you were raised to be nice to women, I find that really hard to believe. You may hold the door open for them, but clearly you don't believe them to be your equal and worthy of respect. Your use of the word "womansplaining" and overall attitude betrays your true feelings. Your assertion that men have an innate need to protect and help women implies that you believe women are in need of your help and protection. If you can't identify the sexism inherent in that belief than you will never understand many of the posts in this thread.
You’ve hit the nail on the head here, repeatedly.
I usually hold the door open (like to a store, building, house) for everybody, just out of habit at this point. Not the car door, but when I'm walking into a store or even the building I work in. I hold the door open for the person behind me. Man, woman, friend, girlfriend, people I don't know, old people, young people, it's just a habit, which I do feel is a good one.
Yeah, people won't always be gracious. Cost of being mannerly. You run into some who aren't.
I've encountered men who refuse to walk through a door while I'm holding it. Most will at least hesitate and try to reach around/over me to hold it while I walk in. They're never rude, but it always amuses me.
I'm from the south, so that's part of it. It's pretty rare that a man doesn't hold a door for me, and the ones who don't are usually young.
As far as the rest of it goes, I can take it or leave it. I don't need someone to pull out a chair for me, but I'm not against it. I don't need someone to open the car door for me to get in, but I like it. Don't need to wear a man's coat if it's cold, but it's sweet when he offers. I won't think less of a man who doesn't do these things, but I will take more notice of a man who does.
I've encountered men who refuse to walk through a door while I'm holding it. Most will at least hesitate and try to reach around/over me to hold it while I walk in. They're never rude, but it always amuses me.
I'm from the south, so that's part of it. It's pretty rare that a man doesn't hold a door for me, and the ones who don't are usually young.
As far as the rest of it goes, I can take it or leave it. I don't need someone to pull out a chair for me, but I'm not against it. I don't need someone to open the car door for me to get in, but I like it. Don't need to wear a man's coat if it's cold, but it's sweet when he offers. I won't think less of a man who doesn't do these things, but I will take more notice of a man who does.
Any thoughts regarding a woman not bringing a coat when it's cold?
So I'm a woman & I'm definitely ALL for a man still opening doors, pumping their woman's gas of their car, etc. & if I had a young son, I'd be teaching him all those values. I subtly expected it on beginning dates, but I was never some outlandish, crazy person demanding it. I'm just blessed to have a kind-natured guy who loves doing those things for me because he loves me. However, if I met a guy who didn't do those things, then I'd subtly let him know that I think those things are nice to do. If he downright refuses to do those things at the start of dating, I'd have to rethink if I want to continue dating him because those things aren't that hard to do, so if he's going to be like that, how obstinant, uncooperative, etc. is he going to be down the road as the relationship progresses? Now many people may think that's "small fries", but that's just it...HOW a person handles "small fries" issues now is a good indicator of how they'll handle BIG problems later.
My man still does all those things & we've been together over 20 yrs. He does it because he WANTS to. When we're out in public, he'll even take my bag & put it around this neck/shoulder so my hands can be free while we're walking around...anything to make my life easier & I never started asking him to do that. The rare times my man & I are walking on a sidewalk, he walks on the outside closest to the street, which is what men should do so if an accident happens out in the street, the woman is more inward & less likely to get hurt.
I think these young gals today who are anywhere from 14 & up usually don't care about having their doors opened for them & many other chivalrous things like that because they don't know any better. Their parents aren't teaching them how a man should really treat a woman. I see all the time when a couple's in or approaching the car & they're about to enter or exit the car, each person just gets in or out on their own side of the car & think nothing of it.
And I'm NOT the type who's all strict about women power & any woman can do all these things herself & doesn't need a man, yada, yada. I just think simply out of love & caring courtesy, a man should LIKE & WANT TO do this for his woman because he loves her.
Any reason a woman should not WANT TO pump gas for a man out of love and caring courtesy?
Have you ever offered your coat to a man who was (or wasn't) already wearing his own coat?
The only angle is to explore the reasons for differences between expected behaviors depending on gender.
You're not really proving anything. My husband does all types of chivalry (for lack of a better term) and I do all kinds of stuff for him. He makes me feel cherished and protected (even though I am quite competent), and it pays off for him.
I cook nice meals for him (when I wouldn't just for myself as often), I massage his shoulder which is sore from surgery, I make him feel like the only man in the room when we go out......
Of course, we don't come at it from a "what do we get?" standpoint, but because we LIKE the other one to feel special and cared for.
If that's not for you, that's cool too.
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Have you ever offered your coat to a man who was (or wasn't) already wearing his own coat?
The only angle is to explore the reasons for differences between expected behaviors depending on gender.
I have. I've also changed a flat for a man, held doors open, and paid for dinner. Shocking, right?
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