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I asked him if he wanted me to pay my share, he smiled and asked me is this a date.
You put him on the spot.
It makes more sense to offer to pay your share.
Easier to tell someone "I'll pay for you" than "Yes, I want you to pay".
He put you on the spot in return.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam
It's not that simple. As was said above, some women will not allow a man to pay for anything if she doesn't want to see him again. And men know this. So if we insist on paying, that is a signal to them.
Problem is signals are easier to misinterpret than words.
People are imperfect. This guy wasn't 100% sure what to say. It sounds like you like each other so let this one slide, IMO. Go out again and see what happens.
Of course it was a date. I hate the way people dance around that with OLD. A "first meet," "meet for coffee/drinks," "get together for lunch" - all of them are dates, even if it's your first time meeting the person face-to-face and you never go out again. It is common for people to go on many first/last dates when dating.
Why do people make this kind of basic stuff more complicated than it needs to be?
I don't know what I should be doing since the waitress brought one check. I thought I was supposed to offer which is why I asked if he wants me to pay my share. Bear in mind, I haven't dated in over a decade so it's all new to me. For next time, am I supposed to just put my portion of the check on the table? Should I reach for my purse? Do I ask? Do I excuse myself for the ladies room? Stressful to say the least.
Here is my advice ( as a single guy ), In the future when the check comes ( on a meet and greet date )
Which is what you two had, Don't ask " do you want me to pay my half ". Instead , just offer to pay your half without asking him anything.
If he intends to pay the whole check , then he will say "No I've got it" or he will say "ok yours is ____".
Some people are more interested in the label applied to interactions than they are in actually enjoying the interaction in the moment. That makes me sad.
Had 5th date and didn't work out. He tried to kiss me with open mouth, personally find that a little too aggressive and pushy. Prefer someone who is gentler and wants to take the time to actually get to know me. Put ad back up and will have to try again for now. Pity.
So I am trying the online dating and emailed back and forth with a man who had a decent profile with substance, I can be very picky. He asked to meet for a drink and that turned to lunch. I enjoyed myself and he was easy to get along with, pleasant, cheerful and seemed to have many good qualities. I thought we had good chemistry. At the end of the meal, the waitress came and brought over the check and handed it to him. I asked him if he wanted me to pay my share, he smiled and asked me is this a date. I wasn't sure but thought it was.
I haven't dated in over a decade, I was married and then was in a relationship with one man who I met through work but that didn't work out, we were compatible. I took time to work on myself and have remained single, but feel now I am ready to meet someone to have fun with and wouldn't mind having an exclusive relationship.
I am not sure what the proper response would have been, did I say or do something offensive?
Going out to dinner is a date.This thing where people out for lunch as a first meet up...to me it's too informal.Also since the guy asked YOU out..even for a drink...he pays.Basically anyone who asks someone out...the person who did the asking is the one who should be paying.I don't see how that can be confusing.
For him to ask YOU if this was a date...what is wrong with men nowadays!
From now on..when a guy asks you out whether it be for lunch, a drink...just ask them point blank..if this will be a date because you don't have time wasting on men who want to waste your time.A REAL man asks a woman out on a date and not asking you if it's a date.
So I am trying the online dating and emailed back and forth with a man who had a decent profile with substance, I can be very picky. He asked to meet for a drink and that turned to lunch. I enjoyed myself and he was easy to get along with, pleasant, cheerful and seemed to have many good qualities. I thought we had good chemistry. At the end of the meal, the waitress came and brought over the check and handed it to him. I asked him if he wanted me to pay my share, he smiled and asked me is this a date. I wasn't sure but thought it was.
I haven't dated in over a decade, I was married and then was in a relationship with one man who I met through work but that didn't work out, we were compatible. I took time to work on myself and have remained single, but feel now I am ready to meet someone to have fun with and wouldn't mind having an exclusive relationship.
I am not sure what the proper response would have been, did I say or do something offensive?
What a strange question. I would probably skip meeting him a 2nd time. Sounds like he might have a chip on his shoulder.
I don't know what I should be doing since the waitress brought one check. I thought I was supposed to offer which is why I asked if he wants me to pay my share. Bear in mind, I haven't dated in over a decade so it's all new to me. For next time, am I supposed to just put my portion of the check on the table? Should I reach for my purse? Do I ask? Do I excuse myself for the ladies room? Stressful to say the least.
Why is this stressful? Jeez people. Look at the check, and take out enough money to pay half. Easy peasy.
Had 5th date and didn't work out. He tried to kiss me with open mouth, personally find that a little too aggressive and pushy. Prefer someone who is gentler and wants to take the time to actually get to know me. Put ad back up and will have to try again for now. Pity.
On the 5th date? A French kiss is too pushy?
Well, to each her own I guess.
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Jeez people. Look at the check, and take out enough money to pay half. Easy peasy.
