Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She’s adventurous, likes to try new things, new restaurants, etc. we have a similar sense of humor, enjoy the same shows and music( not all, but most). She’s pretty, driven, goal-oriented, can be very spontaneous well-spoken.
Truth be told, that's not how you made her sound until now; page 17, no less. In your earlier posts, she came off as very unlikable: an uptight, controlling shrew. And you came off as ill-equipped to live with a woman. I get that you're resentful about her treatment of you, but you need to sort out your feelings and pick a side. Do you want to: (A) make her life and your relationship easier, or (B) just get her off your back? I see nothing wrong with option B. But if you're thinking that way in the first place, it's not a good relationship to be in.
That said, I stand by my opinion. You two are not a good match for a relationship, let alone living together. Maybe friendship, if that. You need a more easygoing girlfriend, and she needs a more submissive boyfriend. Of course, she'll quickly lose respect for him because of it, but that's on her.
The thing is ... "doing A" is not solely up to you. SHE has a role in that as well.
This is a very common adjustment most couples go through, but problems arise when one person in the couple believes that their way is RIGHT and that the other person must change.
So you could toe the line every day and night and STILL never please her because she's looking at it wrong in the first place. It's an unwinnable battle.
Having said that, you are supposed to come to a relationship as an adult who is capable of managing yourself. She can't respect you if she has to manage you like a child.
So ... get help for your own anxiety and self-doubt and so you can learn how to communicate your desires to a partner. I don't think this relationship will last the distance, but you need to know how to operate in one that IS right for you.
Truth be told, that's not how you made her sound until now; page 17, no less. In your earlier posts, she came off as very unlikable: an uptight, controlling shrew. And you came off as ill-equipped to live with a woman. I get that you're resentful about her treatment of you, but you need to sort out your feelings and pick a side. Do you want to: (A) make her life and your relationship easier, or (B) just get her off your back? I see nothing wrong with option B. But if you're thinking that way in the first place, it's not a good relationship to be in.
That said, I stand by my opinion. You two are not a good match for a relationship, let alone living together. Maybe friendship, if that. You need a more easygoing girlfriend, and she needs a more submissive boyfriend. Of course, she'll quickly lose respect for him because of it, but that's on her.
If that's what you read into the OP's posts, that says more about you, than about the relationship. It was clear all along, that the OP's focus was one-dimensional, presenting only one aspect of the relationship--one that he was freaking out over, a bit obsessively. If he's stuck with the relationship this far, it's also clear that his gf must have redeeming features, perhaps considerably so. That was the missing puzzle piece, that the OP has finally filled in for us.
She sounds great, OP. Musical compatibility can be hard to come by. So, basically, your issue is one that's fairly typical of a young couple moving in together, and encountering differences in how they each "keep house". It happens. And because of your upbringing, you have a learning curve and adjustment curve to make. Doesn't necessarily have to be a huge deal, either. Whether or not she's excessive in her demands, is hard to say, from our side of the computer screen. I have the impression, that if she could compromise on the bed-making, and would be amenable to you two quickly doing that together, some of the problem would go away.
That said, I stand by my opinion. You two are not a good match for a relationship, let alone living together. Maybe friendship, if that. You need a more easygoing girlfriend, and she needs a more submissive boyfriend. Of course, she'll quickly lose respect for him because of it, but that's on her.
^^^^ That's my impression as well, and I mentioned it already several posts back, at least twice.
Not sure why OP is so desperate to make this relationship work, while I don't see so much effort on his GF side. Besides all the fun their have and deep conversations, there is obviously communication problem, otherwise OP would just sit down with his GF and told her all that he told us.
That's what a self respecting adult would do.
To the dismay of millions of women, they can't always expect men to change. A woman can't decide to date someone, become more serious with him, but reassure herself that it's okay that she doesn't like certain personality traits because she can change them.
Here she goes for the easy going slob, and turns him into a little project. Ultimately, she wants to declare that she's the reason he is no longer an unorganized slob - she has changed him - mission impossible, accomplished.
She has an idealistic view of this relationship and a set of expectations. I wonder how long the list of changes is going to be.
You are dating a woman, OP, who has fallen in love with the IDEA of you, and is fiercely trying to mold you into the exact shape she wants. There will be no aknowledge of your efforts till she is completely satisfied with the new you, if ever.
OP, nothing takes a hit at your self-esteem like dating a person who doesn't accept and embrace you for who you are.
If you're OK with being on a short leash and walking on sheels for a long time, possibly forever -
proceed...
After talking to her, pouring out all of my thought and feelings to her, really “ going for it”, we came to finally understand each other. She worried that if she gave me the “ atta boy” sentiment, that I would begin to slack off, but finally acknowledged my changes. She apologized and I’m going to uphold my end by keeping up what I’m doing
After talking to her, pouring out all of my thought and feelings to her, really “ going for it”, we came to finally understand each other. She worried that if she gave me the “ atta boy” sentiment, that I would begin to slack off, but finally acknowledged my changes. She apologized and I’m going to uphold my end by keeping up what I’m doing
After talking to her, pouring out all of my thought and feelings to her, really “ going for it”, we came to finally understand each other. She worried that if she gave me the “ atta boy” sentiment, that I would begin to slack off, but finally acknowledged my changes. She apologized and I’m going to uphold my end by keeping up what I’m doing
Happy ending!!! Yes
Eureka! Communication won!!!
It took 175 posts to get you there... lol.
After talking to her, pouring out all of my thought and feelings to her, really “ going for it”, we came to finally understand each other. She worried that if she gave me the “ atta boy” sentiment, that I would begin to slack off, but finally acknowledged my changes. She apologized and I’m going to uphold my end by keeping up what I’m doing
Well done, OP! I can't believe how many times on this forum, I end up saying, "When all else fails, communicate!" (It's supposed to be sarcasm. Communicating clearly isn't supposed to be the last resort.)
After talking to her, pouring out all of my thought and feelings to her, really “ going for it”, we came to finally understand each other. She worried that if she gave me the “ atta boy” sentiment, that I would begin to slack off, but finally acknowledged my changes. She apologized and I’m going to uphold my end by keeping up what I’m doing
+1 for communication
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So, basically, your issue is one that's fairly typical of a young couple moving in together, and encountering differences in how they each "keep house". It happens. And because of your upbringing, you have a learning curve and adjustment curve to make. Doesn't necessarily have to be a huge deal, either. Whether or not she's excessive in her demands, is hard to say, from our side of the computer screen. I have the impression, that if she could compromise on the bed-making, and would be amenable to you two quickly doing that together, some of the problem would go away.
