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... and it’s mostly in my own head, the thinking of I don’t do what she wants, she’s gone
FINALLY getting somewhere ....
OP, you probably could use a few sessions with a therapist because, based on what you said about your childhood, it's starting to sound like you could have some abandonment issues to go along with your emotional immaturity.
I do not mean that as an insult. It's just a state of mind, that you haven't fully matured to the point where you can regulate your own emotions and you can trust her to love you as you are.
I have no issue getting nice-ish for dinner and no issue shaving, but I prefer to be in jeans and have a bit of scruff going, not going for a ZZ Top look
She’s just, it’s likd casting a shadow and it’s mostly in my own head, the thinking of I don’t do what she wants, she’s gone
Yes, I think most of it is in your own head. And the fact that you perceive it to be "doing what she wants", vs. say....joining civilization, is what's contributing to your stressed feeling. In any case, some things can be negotiated, like the choice of dinner venue, the "casual dinners" option. Kissing sandpaper is not negotiable. This is fairly universal with women. There are a few out there, who like the look of a little stubble, but even so, they don't like the kiss of a little stubble.
Any other issues? Having to wash your own dishes, put your clothes away at the end of the day? I think, if this is new to you, you just have to let it settle into a routine. This is normal stuff, OP. If your mom let you keep your clothes on the floor, and didn't expect you to do a few chores around the house, she didn't do you any favors. So just recognize that you had a different upbringing, and now you're closing the gap between that, and what most people learn, growing up, and come to expect from other adults.
One of the biggest issues was the bed being made. I see no reason why the bed has to be made unless someone is coming over, otherwise, doesn’t matter if it’s not made
One of the biggest issues is the bed being made. I see no reason why the bed has to be made unless someone is coming over, otherwise, doesn’t matter if it’s not made
One way to deal with bed-making issues, is to get a duvet, a down blanket with a nice cover. It's traditional in Europe to just shake out the comforter, spreading it out over the bed, in the morning, and calling it "done". If you spring for a nice, decorative cover, it looks like a nice bedspread, even though all you've done basically, is use your blanket as a bedspread.
You're welcome.
P.S. Those are expensive, as are the covers for them (in lieu of sheets), but it's worth it in the end. See Macy's for discount comforter covers. For discount anything, for that matter. And there are synthetic down comforters, that are cheaper than real down.
P.P.S. Everyone has to learn how to "keep house" after moving out of a college dorm. I didn't know anything about housecleaning, cleaning bathrooms, and dusting, when I got my first place. It's a learning curve, an adjustment. That's all.
But, after many fights, it was easier to make the thing
You keep bringing up chores and requirements, and some of us are trying to tell you that it's a bigger issue than that ... it's a balance of power thing.
You need to think "bigger picture" than razor stubble.
So she is requiring that the bed is made daily? Why does she get to require that? Does she ever make the bed?
And I think some of this comes from being raised differently. I was raised how I was raised, and she was raised more in the “ homework chores dinner bedtime” more stringent house
One of the biggest issues was the bed being made. I see no reason why the bed has to be made unless someone is coming over, otherwise, doesn’t matter if it’s not made
Quote:
Originally Posted by DiplomaticImmunity
But, after many fights, it was easier to make the thing
Some people prefer the bed made, some don't. Some people prefer neat and tidy, some don't care. Maybe you two aren't a good match if this is causing you so much distress.
And I think some of this comes from being raised differently. I was raised how I was raised, and she was raised more in the “ homework chores dinner bedtime” more stringent house
... which is why you need help to sort it out, or you just need to give up and separate.
You think it's bad now? Wait till you have a baby and she becomes a momzilla and you fall into the "clueless dad" role so well known on TV sitcoms.
Almost every couple has to go through these adjustment "I do this my way, you do this your way" issues. You need to determine if you have a strong enough basis to stay together and sort them out.
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