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I guess...like I said, I read it as (admittedly not very mature) backlash to being hurt and accused. But that's just my take. It just "read" that way, to me. I feel like her attitude was toward this guy, specifically...the guy who basically told her that she was the problem he couldn't stay hard. As much as he felt bad for the erection issue, she too must have felt pretty awful at this intimation. Neither, really, is probably bringing out the best in the other.
I would bet that with different partners, they'd both be better people, so to speak.
I guess...like I said, I read it as (admittedly not very mature) backlash to being hurt and accused. But that's just my take. It just "read" that way, to me.
The reality is that she could very well be part of the problem. We can't tell from here.
The reality is that she could very well be part of the problem. We can't tell from here.
Oh, I agree. I did put forth that maybe she just wasn't into the guy enough from the beginning, and he felt that...I mean this is really all just supposition. All we "know" (at least from what this person is saying) is that she hasn't had this problem in the past, but did with this guy. For all we know, he didn't have this problem in the past either, just with the OP. But they both had these weird not very mature reactions and I just think probably it's a mismatch that's at the root here, whatever anyone's prior experiences or issues may be.
I'm 33 BTW. I've had my share of relationships, and yes, at this point in my life I do want something physical. So if this happens again, I think I'll just say thanks but no thanks.
I'm 33 BTW. I've had my share of relationships, and yes, at this point in my life I do want something physical. So if this happens again, I think I'll just say thanks but no thanks.
You need to realize, then, that so-called casual sex can be more difficult to navigate than more traditional relationships, especially if you aren't necessarily tactful in your interactions.
I'm 33 BTW. I've had my share of relationships, and yes, at this point in my life I do want something physical. So if this happens again, I think I'll just say thanks but no thanks.
With this guy, you mean?
Have you already brought it up to him?
I don't know if I'd be willing to "try again" without talking to the guy. If he's blamed this on you twice already there's no reason to think it won't happen yet again and neither of you needs that.
If this is literally 100% physical, honestly, I'd call it off now. Otherwise, I'd gently try to broach the subject, NOT while in bed, and feel it out...if it still seems he's clammed up about it...then you'd probably want to call it off.
JMO. I just don't think you can expect this to all be different the third time when it's been this way the first and second time. You know?
I don't know if I'd be willing to "try again" without talking to the guy. If he's blamed this on you twice already there's no reason to think it won't happen yet again and neither of you needs that.
If this is literally 100% physical, honestly, I'd call it off now. Otherwise, I'd gently try to broach the subject, NOT while in bed, and feel it out...if it still seems he's clammed up about it...then you'd probably want to call it off.
JMO. I just don't think you can expect this to all be different the third time when it's been this way the first and second time. You know?
A few thoughts
1) maybe the conflict with the OP turns him off
2) maybe he isn't into the OP
3) maybe he prefers men
4) suggesting Viagra isn't necessarily a good idea for someone as young as 39; plus Viagra has health implications, raising blood pressure and other side effects
5) as mentioned, maybe he's so into masturbation that he has lost some of his ability to be a sexual partner with a woman
6) maybe he has a psychological problem
7) is he a smoker or drinker? (sorry if I missed it) both of those can affect sexual activity
8) it may be sexual incompatibility; I'm not attributing any fault to the OP; I don't actually think this is probably the problem, but it's a slim possibility
9) age 39 is rather young to be having erection problems, but erection problems are more widespread than commonly known; it could be a medical problem, for example, arteriosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) can cause erection difficulty
He isn't (well, I don't know about "in any way," he's 39, not 20, but yeah, I am not saying he is "old", that would be silly)...I get that...BUT...I'm saying, if just performance is literally the OP's goal, and she wants the best chance of that, that is going to be a very young guy. The reality is that he IS coming into the age group that may be experiencing ED, as opposed to earlier years...and she pointed out the young guy thing so I have to think this is what she's experienced.
I don't know if that's actually what she's saying but realistically, as a whole, young guys "perform" on command more reliably than "older" guys. She herself mentioned younger guys so I have to think this is her experience; if it is, and if this is her goal, then that's what she probably wants to stick with.
Again, this will not mean EVERY guy. This was just HER assertion and there is at least loosely some scientific backing for age and performance, so there you have it. If that's what's important, then it is. I don't even know that for sure, I'm just following what others have picked up on with the OP mentioning younger guys she's had relationships with.
Here is a younger guy: "Oh that feels pretty good, okay, I'm done!!
Here is an older guy: " Oh that feels pretty good, oh that feels really good, oh that feels great, awesome! After a while: "Okay, I'm done!"
5) as mentioned, maybe he's so into masturbation that he has lost some of his ability to be a sexual partner with a woman
This is a red flag. A man shouldn't have to masturbate to get an erection when he has a willing partner in front of him.
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