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Old 06-25-2018, 09:06 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 8,027,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I don’t cuddle with my make friends. She is using you for intimacy right now. You have to decide if that is Ok.

I think I agree with this. And if I were you, I'd put the brakes on the cuddling. If she asks why, be frank with her. "I'm trying to respect your desire to just remain friends at this point, and the physical contact throws me off."
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Old 06-25-2018, 10:01 AM
 
Location: California Bay Area
399 posts, read 221,076 times
Reputation: 641
Thanks for the input, all.

We're clearly not an exclusive pair regardless, so I'm not shying away from meeting someone else.

We'll see how it goes and I'll let you know what happens.
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Old 06-25-2018, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Nevada
777 posts, read 452,614 times
Reputation: 1613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I think I agree with this. And if I were you, I'd put the brakes on the cuddling. If she asks why, be frank with her. "I'm trying to respect your desire to just remain friends at this point, and the physical contact throws me off."
^^^^
This

I am very affectionate and cuddly... but only within a romantic relationship.

A friend of either gender might get a hug, but that is it. I would consider anything more to be blurring the line between friendship and romance.
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Old 06-25-2018, 10:52 AM
 
Location: California Bay Area
399 posts, read 221,076 times
Reputation: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Onn View Post
^^^^
This

I am very affectionate and cuddly... but only within a romantic relationship.

A friend of either gender might get a hug, but that is it. I would consider anything more to be blurring the line between friendship and romance.
Everything about this relationship feels non-platonic except for the sexual component. Everything we've done is the two of us, we have VERY long hugs, do a lot of cuddling, etc.

Hence why this situation is difficult for me to get my head around. My gut tells me she wants more, but her words are hard for me to understand

I tried to clarify by asking if she saw me as a friend in the same way as one of her good female friends - she dodged the question by just saying "I see you as a friend" and not answering directly.
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Old 06-25-2018, 11:16 AM
 
617 posts, read 1,202,509 times
Reputation: 721
I've been in your shoes a number of times. Not once has it ever ended well. I highly recommend reading Mark Manson's material - the law of F*** yes. https://markmanson.net/****-yes (CD's filter will probably kick in, so type the word in the url)
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Old 06-25-2018, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,876,599 times
Reputation: 28563
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Onn View Post
^^^^
This

I am very affectionate and cuddly... but only within a romantic relationship.

A friend of either gender might get a hug, but that is it. I would consider anything more to be blurring the line between friendship and romance.
Same! I will absolutely hug a male friend. No problem.

I am also touchy, and I tend to do stuff like touch people on the arm/shoulder/upper back in a conversation. These are neutral zones for me and I do it when I am comfortable with someone. I may also touch a knee in a convo. But it isn't lingering or anything, just for emphasis.

But cuddling? No bueno. Putting your arm around them when walking? Nope that is a little too relationship-y for me. I definitely get sort of weirded out when the male friend crosses that line.
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Old 06-25-2018, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,944,601 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepsix View Post

I tried to clarify by asking if she saw me as a friend in the same way as one of her good female friends - she dodged the question by just saying "I see you as a friend" and not answering directly.


She's got no business "dating" right now.
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Old 06-25-2018, 12:55 PM
 
Location: California Bay Area
399 posts, read 221,076 times
Reputation: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
Same! I will absolutely hug a male friend. No problem.

I am also touchy, and I tend to do stuff like touch people on the arm/shoulder/upper back in a conversation. These are neutral zones for me and I do it when I am comfortable with someone. I may also touch a knee in a convo. But it isn't lingering or anything, just for emphasis.

But cuddling? No bueno. Putting your arm around them when walking? Nope that is a little too relationship-y for me. I definitely get sort of weirded out when the male friend crosses that line.
Why do you think it doesn't seem weird to her when I do that?
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Old 06-25-2018, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,944,601 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepsix View Post
Why do you think it doesn't seem weird to her when I do that?
Because she doesn't know what she wants.
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Old 06-25-2018, 01:16 PM
 
Location: California Bay Area
399 posts, read 221,076 times
Reputation: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Because she doesn't know what she wants.
THAT I believe. Thanks.
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