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Here is an all too common problem I read and hear about and unfortunately it's happening to me.
The good thing is that my bf is the most loving and attentive man I've been with yet.
We laugh a lot, are creative together and he wants to spend all of his free time with me.
He sees us long term together and does not want it to end.
Social media states we are "in a relationship" and he tags me in lots of pics and posts so everyone knows I'm his.
So far, so good.
Now the problem. He is very flirty. I don't mind that, lots of people are flirty, but he used to take it too far and has pegged down for me. He always includes me so he is not disrespectful when he flirts. Hell he talks to everyone man and woman.
There have been red flags because of it however. Here is where things get bad. He angered one lady with his flirting and alerted me that he was coming on to her via public post on his thread. She is not stable so I let it go.
He private messages attractive women. He gets flirty but mentions me to them and keeps them at a distance where romance is concerned. But why does he need to PM them for anything?
Unfortunately I don't see all he PM's so as far as I know (as if any girl he talks to would tell me.. I wish they would. But maybe it's a good sign they haven't? As in.. he is not emotionally cheating??)
Ugh this is exhausting.
I also noticed that he has a lot of attractive females on social media and keeps adding them. Local girls now and flirts on their posts. All his type. He friends guys too but not as much and comments less for men.
I noticed that he will go through attractive women's pages and make recent (today) comments on pictures they posted YEARS ago. And yes.. they are flirty.
He posts a lot of selfies and can't stop with dirty jokes. And yes.. he talks about his sex life.. out loud for all to see..
He is a nice guy but an idiot. I am really unsure as to his fidelity.
(Why I'm posting)
I have had conversations with him regarding this issue and keeping the communication open. He tells me that he is an entertainer and he is not going to change..
I don't think any self respecting woman will take him seriously. He really wants a stable relationship with all the qualities I possess but I don't think he will ever get it so long as he does these things.
Do I break up with him? I think I know the answer. But looking for other input
Here is an all too common problem I read and hear about and unfortunately it's happening to me.
The good thing is that my bf is the most loving and attentive man I've been with yet.
We laugh a lot, are creative together and he wants to spend all of his free time with me.
He sees us long term together and does not want it to end.
Social media states we are "in a relationship" and he tags me in lots of pics and posts so everyone knows I'm his.
So far, so good.
Now the problem. He is very flirty. I don't mind that, lots of people are flirty, but he used to take it too far and has pegged down for me. He always includes me so he is not disrespectful when he flirts. Hell he talks to everyone man and woman.
There have been red flags because of it however. Here is where things get bad. He angered one lady with his flirting and alerted me that he was coming on to her via public post on his thread. She is not stable so I let it go.
He private messages attractive women. He gets flirty but mentions me to them and keeps them at a distance where romance is concerned. But why does he need to PM them for anything?
Unfortunately I don't see all he PM's so as far as I know (as if any girl he talks to would tell me.. I wish they would. But maybe it's a good sign they haven't? As in.. he is not emotionally cheating??)
Ugh this is exhausting.
I also noticed that he has a lot of attractive females on social media and keeps adding them. Local girls now and flirts on their posts. All his type. He friends guys too but not as much and comments less for men.
I noticed that he will go through attractive women's pages and make recent (today) comments on pictures they posted YEARS ago. And yes.. they are flirty.
He posts a lot of selfies and can't stop with dirty jokes. And yes.. he talks about his sex life.. out loud for all to see..
He is a nice guy but an idiot. I am really unsure as to his fidelity.
(Why I'm posting)
I have had conversations with him regarding this issue and keeping the communication open. He tells me that he is an entertainer and he is not going to change..
I don't think any self respecting woman will take him seriously. He really wants a stable relationship with all the qualities I possess but I don't think he will ever get it so long as he does these things.
Do I break up with him? I think I know the answer. But looking for other input
I don't think being flirty in itself is bad. But, it sounds like he takes it too far, and you don't trust him. I am sure my husband flirts when he is out here and there, and I know I talk to people if I am out dancing or in Vegas, and it can be a bit flirty. But my husband knows about this and we laugh about it.
But you don't trust this person. And without trust, there isn't much. And why are you looking at ANY of his private messages? I find that to be a huge red flag, you shouldn't feel the need to snoop and look at things he is writing to other people. You should end this, because down the road it will bother you more and more, and he won't change.
ps - I don't find the fact he wants to spend ALL his free time with you a turn on or a good thing, and isn't really relevant.
Canadian girl. Thank you for the response. To answer your question.
He shows me his online conversations and tells me about them. He talks about everything. He is Mr. TMI.
That never bothered me.
I think it's the FB stalking of other girls. He first seeks them out. Adds them and makes very flirty comments on pics they posted years ago. I think that is the real problem that bothers me the most.
He sounds very immature. The fact that he prioritizes his "entertainer" behavior over your wishes, feelings, and ultimately your relationship is all you really need to know. There are other fish in the sea who don't feel the need for constant validation.
It sounds like compulsive behavior. Compulsive behavior is a symptom of underlying emotional/psychological issues. IOW: baggage of some sort. He doesn't view it as problematic, so he's not going to seek out professional help to find out what's at the root of it, and resolve it. He thinks its ok.
I don't think this would work out for you, in a LTR. The behavior isn't going to go away, and it sounds like you're not happy living with it. So....
I think it's the FB stalking of other girls. He first seeks them out. Adds them and makes very flirty comments on pics they posted years ago. I think that is the real problem that bothers me the most.
He sounds very immature. The fact that he prioritizes his "entertainer" behavior over your wishes, feelings, and ultimately your relationship is all you really need to know. There are other fish in the sea who don't feel the need for constant validation.
This really says it best. Compulsive behaviors that serve some kind of underlying emotional need will always take precedence over an SO's feelings and needs.
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