Partner has low paying job, but family is wealthy (marriage, younger, advice)

[CapsChick]

Originally Posted by Levels77

Looking for a judgement free zone here

My partner of 3 years has a low paying job. He doesn't want to change it because he likes what he does, but he is self employed and probably will never make more than 35k.

I earn twice that with my job and am starting to resent that I have to pay for things like our furniture or our vacations. We split our rent 50/50.

Now, his parents have over 1 million in assets (we saw their savings because they are the guarantor on our apartment). They said they didn't fully list everything because 1 million was more than enough to list. The dad's a doctor, and is working past retirement because he likes his job, and the mom doesn't work. They live very frugally, not a lot of vacations, and no fancy cars.

Is it safe to assume he's probably going to get a lot of money after they pass, which he'll then be able to start paying for things that I've always paid for?

I feel like if I knew for sure he was going to inherit a million dollars, I would not feel so resentful and angry that I work more than he does so we can afford to go on vacation.

That's all I got.

[ellie]

At least your partner loves what he does. Do you?

If you were raised with a certain level of wisdom and material security you may realize that doing good work and being happy with less is a viable way to live. His parents seem to follow that credo.

If you cannot get an apartment on your own despite the fact you’re making 75k plus his 35k then something is very, very wrong with your lifestyle. I have no sympathy for you, whatsoever.

[germaine2626]

Wait, how old are you that you needed someone to guarantee your lease? I haven't had to do that since my children were undergraduate college students (even as a graduate student my son did not need a parent's guarantee on his lease).

Are you sure that you are "old enough" (mature enough) to be living together?

[joee5]

OP a gold digger?

[Levels77]

Originally Posted by joee5

OP a gold digger?

I don't think a gold digger decides to be with someone who is self employed and makes 35k. maybe she's there for love and is trying to work though financial issues, the #1 reason for divorce

[Levels77]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Wait, how old are you that you needed someone to guarantee your lease? I haven't had to do that since my children were undergraduate college students (even as a graduate student my son did not need a parent's guarantee on his lease).

Are you sure that you are "old enough" (mature enough) to be living together?

old enough we moved in my last year in my masters and because of his poor credit, he didn't even want to use his financial information for the application

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by Levels77

I don't think a gold digger decides to be with someone who is self employed and makes 35k. maybe she's there for love and is trying to work though financial issues, the #1 reason for divorce

Resentment is the #1 reason, and you already have that.

[Levels77]

Originally Posted by codergirl

Since you don't really like his financial situation...you should fine someone that is more suited for you.You are getting resentful of his situation because you know his family has money and you feel that your bf should be doing more and having more money.When you start being resentful of the person that you're with..it's time to go.It's not fair that he's with someone who feels this way about him.I'm sure he's a good buy BUT his finances seem to be bothering you to the point where you're resentful of him.

thank you, this is a very honesty reply. appreciated. finances tend to be a sensitive subject for a reason. there is no perfect relationship and I don't want to swap the one I have now for another with a different issue. but finances are so important and when they don't align often lead to a divorce. i was hoping I could get some sense of security from his parents (in all honestly i believe that's why he hasn't saved more or sought a job with more security) but the forum consensus is i can't.

[atgss]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

Lol. What did you expect to hear? That you're deserving of some of his supposedly 1 million $ inheritance, because you bought a futon and took him on a vacation?

Not some but most lol!

I don't know the OP, but with "x" amount of women that's on their mind sadly.

OP please spare him, stop stringing him along and move on, he deserves better of his future time.

Next time be sure to be more selective of his income and assets as it's a love not of the heart type of "arrangement".

[Levels77]

Originally Posted by usayit

Letsay you both married/committed and you both decided that he would stay home as a house husband, would you still expect him to pay 50/50? So if you make double of him, why are you expecting him to still pay 50/50?

You both have incompatible financial goals and values.... need to compromise or move on.

The fact that you are banking on his inheritance doesn't reflect well on you AND more than likely won't solve the underlying... Heck, there is a good chance you may see very little benefit from the inheritance.

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

No. Never safe to assume anything at all, aside from the money points that everyone pointed out... Why would you expect him to do something he's not already doing now? Even if he DID inherited tons of money, he'd likely keep the current arrangements you guys have now because that is the expectations you taught him.


Your best bet is to tell him about your resentment and what you want to happen.... then change your behavior (like opting for vacations where he can afford his part, working on a budget together to buy furniture, etc). I would leave out the potential windfall part because it's not even relevant to the discussion.

agreed