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thank you, this is a very honesty reply. appreciated. finances tend to be a sensitive subject for a reason. there is no perfect relationship and I don't want to swap the one I have now for another with a different issue. but finances are so important and when they don't align often lead to a divorce. i was hoping I could get some sense of security from his parents (in all honestly i believe that's why he hasn't saved more or sought a job with more security) but the forum consensus is i can't.
You’re trying to control him by insisting he get a different job.
How old are you? Are you planning to take time off to have a child?
You are way too hung up on his finances. It’s really creepy.
It sounds as if he values money differently than you do at this point in your lives. Maybe because he's always felt secure growing up. It just wasn't as much of an issue. Who knows? Maybe he'll never put as much stock in money as you do. If your values don't jibe, they don't jibe so speculating about it or resenting it won't change anything. He can be just a fine a person with a modest living as he can with a flashy one. Maybe that modest business he built through his own efforts means more to him than lying in wait for an inheritance does. These resentments you feel now are trying to tell you something. I'd listen to them.
IMHO, your OP, presented as it was, did have a mercenary tinge to it. As you said yourself, finances are touchy topics.
thank you, this is a very honesty reply. appreciated. finances tend to be a sensitive subject for a reason. there is no perfect relationship and I don't want to swap the one I have now for another with a different issue. but finances are so important and when they don't align often lead to a divorce. i was hoping I could get some sense of security from his parents (in all honestly i believe that's why he hasn't saved more or sought a job with more security) but the forum consensus is i can't.
While you do not say your age, if you were in the last year of your master's degree three years ago, you probably are still pretty young. 25? 26? 27? and it is likely that your boyfriend is equally young.
Just because he is only making $35,000 now and you are making double his income it does not mean that will always be true. My late husband, and I went back and forth between who was making the most income throughout our 40 plus year marriage and we were both working fulltime (except for pesky little things like being unemployed during cancer treatments, severe health issues, a traumatic brain injury, severe rheumatoid arthritis, etc. you know, life's little road blocks). I mean neither of us were a SAHP when our children were growing up so we mostly were both working full time.
Let's say his dad is 65 (working past retirement age). He could have 30 or 35 years to live. And if his mother is younger she could be around even longer.
IMHO, start to save for your own retirement and don't count on anyone else, especially not a BF's parents.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-14-2018 at 06:57 PM..
I wanted to let everybody know I've have listened to the advice and my partner and I have a great solution! And it was quite straightforward actually!
I instead of us splitting rent 50/50, he's going to pay the amount he paid when he lived at his first place before we met, which was less than half of our current rent. I'm going to pay the balance of the rent. And that extra money he would have spent on rent he is going to invest every month. I could hear the sigh of relief in his voice and that made me so happy!
I didn't say you went after him with that in mind but it seems to be a reason you might stick with him otherwise. Provide for your own retirement FIRST. He isn't even going to be able to cover his own.
The "inheritance" is not such a thing until BOTH parents are gone and haven't spent it all....and not donated it to charity. There are a dozen ways this could go badly.
This. You have no idea what his parents plan to do with their money. First of all, they'll need it in their old age. A million isn't a lot, as I said before. People who arrive at a point in life, where they require home health care in their old age, which can span 10-15 years, if they live to their mid-90's, burn through money. Home care is shockingly expensive.
Secondly, whatever might be left when the second parent passes away, could be earmarked for charities, or the parents' alma maters, with only a small portion going to their son. Maybe all of it will end up going to charity, with the son only getting their home. You can't assume anything.
And btw, not all doctors can afford to retire. I've known doctors who had no choice but to keep working to 70, or beyond, as long as they were physically capable. These days, "doctor" isn't the high-status, high-earning profession that it used to be.
I wanted to let everybody know I've have listened to the advice and my partner and I have a great solution! And it was quite straightforward actually!
I instead of us splitting rent 50/50, he's going to pay the amount he paid when he lived at his first place before we met, which was less than half of our current rent. I'm going to pay the balance of the rent. And that extra money he would have spent on rent he is going to invest every month. I could hear the sigh of relief in his voice and that made me so happy!
Amazing! And who's going to pay for vacations? Are you guys going to dial back the vacations, and both focus on building retirement portfolios for a while?
I instead of us splitting rent 50/50, he's going to pay the amount he paid when he lived at his first place before we met, which was less than half of our current rent. I'm going to pay the balance of the rent. And that extra money he would have spent on rent he is going to invest every month. I could hear the sigh of relief in his voice and that made me so happy!
because making the rent every month was challenging certain times of the year when his work is more slow. so he said when things are good he can start contributing towards savings which makes him feel better since he knows its important to me. and if he has a bad month with his work extra leeway because he can put a way a little less that month, but comfortably pay rent.
"Poor credit". "Didn't want to use his finances on the lease". "He said he can start contributing". "He knows it's important to me". (not himself).
I don't think this bodes well.
If you both want to be free spirits, comfortable with not making much money, and moving along at that pace and in that economic level....fine. Your joint choice. But your desire for things like furniture, which is not a special unnecessary treat, just seems to look like he wants to be taken care of.
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