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I think I've managed to pewter the conversation out, so I'm not too worried about him.
Still, I'm sure I'll encounter this again, because I have before him too. I think it's fairly common.
You don’t say how old you are, OP, but I’m guessing you are probably mid-late 40s? As time passes your candidate pool will keep expanding. By the time men are in their 50s, you’d be hard pressed to find any who still are raising their kids.
Unless you are only interested in younger men, you will find someone.
Ok, I'll be the outlier.
Did he ask you to move in?
Marry him?
Raise his kids?
I think you're getting waaaaay ahead of yourself. Are you going to turn down every guy who doesn't tell you he wants to get married? You can't look for a husband, you have to get to know some guys first.
I dated a guy with four boys. I met them. I've known him for a year now. I never once assumed I'd be forced to either move in and start being a den mother, or break his heart. I'm not interested in getting married, but if I was, I've probably gone on 50 dates with-in 2 years of OLD, didn't run into one that I would have married. Ask any woman here if they use OLD, did they meet someone they were going to marry on the first date? First month? First year?
The guy I met with 4 boys has an ex wife in his life. When I met the kids, they were very well-behaved and then they left. I didn't have any interaction with them, and he was also smart enough to know he wasn't going to find a wife on the first date if he was looking anyway, he wasn't looking. Kind of presumptuous for me to have said something like: "I raised my child, I'm not raising yours too." That would've ended it real quick and I wouldn't have the funny friend I still occasionally talk to.
TL/DR: You're not going to meet your husband today, if each new person is met with: Are you planning on getting married? They might think it's too much pressure, might as well make some friends and go out on some dates.
You don’t say how old you are, OP, but I’m guessing you are probably mid-late 40s?
Yes.
Quote:
As time passes your candidate pool will keep expanding. By the time men are in their 50s, you’d be hard pressed to find any who still are raising their kids.
Really? I hope you're right. I guess so far I'm getting the ones who had kids later in life.
Quote:
Unless you are only interested in younger men, you will find someone.
I do date younger men but not more than 10 years younger, and of course with them, the kid issue is even more pronounced, unless they have no kids.
Ok, I'll be the outlier.
Did he ask you to move in?
Marry him?
Raise his kids?
I think you're getting waaaaay ahead of yourself. Are you going to turn down every guy who doesn't tell you he wants to get married? You can't look for a husband, you have to get to know some guys first.
I dated a guy with four boys. I met them. I've known him for a year now. I never once assumed I'd be forced to either move in and start being a den mother, or break his heart. I'm not interested in getting married, but if I was, I've probably gone on 50 dates with-in 2 years of OLD, didn't run into one that I would have married. Ask any woman here if they use OLD, did they meet someone they were going to marry on the first date? First month? First year?
The guy I met with 4 boys has an ex wife in his life. When I met the kids, they very well-behaved and then they left. I didn't have any interaction with them, and he was also smart enough to know he wasn't going to find a wife on the first date if he was looking anyway, he wasn't looking. Kind of presumptuous for me to have said something like: "I raised my child, I'm not raising yours too." That would've ended it real quick and I wouldn't have the funny friend I still occasionally talk to.
TL/DR: You're not going to meet your husband today, if each new person is met with: Are you planning on getting married? They might think it's too much pressure, might as well make some friends and go out on some dates.
This thread is not about whether or not I want to get married. It's about me not being interested in a man with 4 young kids. It's my preference. As for making friends, I get offers for friendship from time to time, but there has always been some attraction there that makes it awkward. (at least for me)
Still working on the making male friends thing.
This thread is not about whether or not I want to get married. It's about me not being interested in a man with 4 young kids. It's my preference.
Well you don't have to live with the kids, then. I don't know anyone who's brought their kids on the date, is what I'm saying...but if that's the deal breaker to even getting to know someone or make friends then yes, of course that's your right.
It makes sense. I can see why you wouldn’t want to worry about planning a dating life around 4 kids if you don't HAVE to.
Yes, I want to see my guy often.
Quote:
You've been living a life of parental limitations and you're ready to have fewer limits on your time and attention.
Yes....I'm tired of it. As I said before, I need a break from that. (and all things kids!)
I'm new to this though, so maybe after being by myself for a year or two, I'll be more open to kids.
srjth, here's the thing. You are asking permission to want what you want. It's a female thing that has been engrained, programmed and shoved into us since the bright-stars cloaked us in pink swaddles and caps as we popped out. Boys blue; girls pink. That alone presupposes what our path is in life and the "way" we are to behave and navigate through life. It's brainwashing, pure and simple. How about let people be who they are and express their own individual person.
OP, you do not have to ask anyone's permission to want what you want. Now, whether you will get it is a whole other issue and subject. My opinion, ignore the white noise and people who tell you what you should want and go get what you want. I hope to hear back that you found your boo.
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