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late 50's and late 30's is much different than late 50's and early 20's.
Not even in the same ball park in my opinion.
Yeah, this could be a part of it. When the younger partner is at least in his/her 30s it is probably not seen as big a deal. When one party is really young it just does have less of a "these are two informed full-on grownups making a decision" feel. And it comes off as more of a power imbalance, if you will.
But even so, I know comparatively few people with a large age difference and of the few I do, nobody says anything. I feel like when people get serious grief about this there may be other factors. JMO.
Yeah, this could be a part of it. When the younger partner is at least in his/her 30s it is probably not seen as big a deal. When one party is really young it just does have less of a "these are two informed full-on grownups making a decision" feel. And it comes off as more of a power imbalance, if you will.
But even so, I know comparatively few people with a large age difference and of the few I do, nobody says anything. I feel like when people get serious grief about this there may be other factors. JMO.
That is really the crux of it for me, I've been on this board for years now saying how big age gaps isn't that good, I mean I'd never say anything to anyone I knew of in person that was in that situation and people can do whatever they want and all. It's just the power dynamic isn't good. The older person has too much power and control over the younger person at those ages, too much of a mentor, not enough equality. It's like showing up to a gun fight packing a knife, you know what I mean???
A person usually has it together by late 30's and generally tends to knows a lot more about themselves and can be much more on par, intellectually and otherwise at those ages.
I see an old guy with some 22 year old woman I think to myself, what a creep. LOL, yeah, I know, it's judgy and harsh. Could there be honest legit parity with a much older man and a much younger woman, yeah, I suppose, but I doubt it, for the most part anyways.
There are age gaps in our family but only about 5 or 6 years or so, and that doesn't matter. My dad did have a buddy of his a few years ago that had a 42 yr old wife and he was later 60's, but again, it wasn't really weird because she wasn't a spring chicken herself.
That is really the crux of it for me, I've been on this board for years now saying how big age gaps isn't that good, I mean I'd never say anything to anyone I knew of in person that was in that situation and people can do whatever they want and all. It's just the power dynamic isn't good. The older person has too much power and control over the younger person at those ages, too much of a mentor, not enough equality. It's like showing up to a gun fight packing a knife, you know what I mean???
A person usually has it together by late 30's and generally tends to knows a lot more about themselves and can be much more on par, intellectually and otherwise at those ages.
I see an old guy with some 22 year old woman I think to myself, what a creep. LOL, yeah, I know, it's judgy and harsh. Could there be honest legit parity with a much older man and a much younger woman, yeah, I suppose, but I doubt it, for the most part anyways.
There are age gaps in our family but only about 5 or 6 years or so, and that doesn't matter. My dad did have a buddy of his a few years ago that had a 42 yr old wife and he was later 60's, but again, it wasn't really weird because she wasn't a spring chicken herself.
At times when I was much younger (14-18) and dated older men (only in their 20's but still older and different life phase) SOMEONE was inevitably taking advantage of SOMEONE in some way. It wasn't always the older guy, though. I was a manipulative little sht as a teenager. I dated the manager of a pizza place so that he'd get all of the employees to give me and my friends free pizza. Eventually he got too attached and I broke up with him. I was like 15, no way did I need this guy who was 26 or 27 in love with me, how silly. He brought me flowers and tried to "make it work." Poor guy. But sheesh though, he got some fun and he didn't go to jail, so dude needed to take his win and move on already.
My love for Sbarro's pizza is deep and real and true, tho. To this day.
That was the only issue I had with those older men, they always wanted to think about "forever" when I was not remotely close to being old enough to want that or promise it. If anything, things got that much more dodgy when I was 18, because being out on my own, they could leverage my financial struggles and once you're living together...a lot harder to disentangle when things aren't good. Young, newly independent adults are a special kind of vulnerable.
You're not a "Filipina". It seems an important part of the story.
That dovetails right into my "power" dynamic comments. If she's a young Filipina lady, we don't know her background and all of the deets, but in trotting out some common stereotypes she might be from the old country with limited skills and education and poverty.
Just generalizing here people, lets not get upset and all.
At times when I was much younger (14-18) and dated older men (only in their 20's but still older and different life phase) SOMEONE was inevitably taking advantage of SOMEONE in some way. It wasn't always the older guy, though. I was a manipulative little sht as a teenager. I dated the manager of a pizza place so that he'd get all of the employees to give me and my friends free pizza. Eventually he got too attached and I broke up with him. I was like 15, no way did I need this guy who was 26 or 27 in love with me, how silly. He brought me flowers and tried to "make it work." Poor guy. But sheesh though, he got some fun and he didn't go to jail, so dude needed to take his win and move on already.
My love for Sbarro's pizza is deep and real and true, tho. To this day.
The world is fortunate that your persuasive powers of teen seduction were used only for pizza and not something more nefarious.
You're not a "Filipina". It seems an important part of the story.
How do you know I'm not? I mean. I'm not. But how do you know, though?
It may have been important to the story as told by others, but the post I quoted and replied to talked about not knowing of ANY relationships where the younger partner would be ok with being the breadwinner.
I was there to say that age gap relationships aren't necessarily all about financial dependence or exploitation.
I still think that a person could be "Filipina" and if she were at least nearing 30, she can be making her own choices and living with the results. It's still the very young ages that are concerning and questionable, for various reasons, IMO. The rest is somewhat secondary.
So OP, what exactly is the issue? Who are these people and What did they say?
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