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That woman, like so many other girls and women, probably had an incident (or several) in her lifetime, that she was on her tensest of nerves. You mention that she was small, old, female, and black - she had all those characteristics that each, by themselves, is adequate to make one feel vulnerable, and exploitable. I hope you didn't take it personally, but countless women who were younger, stronger, bigger, have been victimized in horrifying ways for merely having a breakdown on a highway. So much so, that LE started releasing warnings and instructions for what women should do if they find themselves broke down and alone. This was of course before every five year old had their own cell phone.
Sometimes, like in the case of your little old lady, there's just no way to feel 'safe' no matter how well intended a Good Samaritan might be. I hope you don't take her reaction personally. I can only imagine what that poor old lady lived through before that car trouble incident.
No, I didn't take it personally I also figured she probably had it worse being black and older and from the old days when things were worse than now.
No, it taught me a lesson in empathy that 30 years later I still talk and sometimes think about, here and IRL.
I've known many women who are abuse and molestation survivors. I have my own experiences in some ways and I have empathy......
My own capability do defend myself. Why would I need a man to feel safe? I don't truly trust anyone, just myself.
I didn't think of it this way at all, as someone defending me. I took it to mean feeling comfortable being myself, trusting that the person will stay stable/calm, will want to help our family grow and move forward, etc. Trust.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I asked Mrs Chow and she felt the same way. Makes me sad to hear that.
Don't be sad for me, Chow - once I realized what I was dealing with, when I saw the unvarnished truth - I felt better than I had in our entire 13 years together. Lucky number, eh? The only way is up, and despite a few hiccups along the way, trajectory remains positive.
Don't be sad for me, Chow - once I realized what I was dealing with, when I saw the unvarnished truth - I felt better than I had in our entire 13 years together. Lucky number, eh? The only way is up, and despite a few hiccups along the way, trajectory remains positive.
I’ve never watched that show but the clip was beautiful. I want a husband with that attitude.He said he lets her control him because that makes her feel safe. He understands where she is coming from and does what he can to help her because that’s his job as a husband.
I’ve never really been in a relationship where I feel safe (yet!) but it would be when you are vulnerable and open, your authentic self and they just want to love you and be with you no matter what.
I’m a always hopeful and I know someday I will meet a man I can feel safe with.
Oh my, I misinterpreted the question. I thought he was asking about what makes a woman feel safe in the company of a specific man.
As others have said, the safest I have felt has been without a man. I don't know if I ever really felt safe with my ex hub in the house. Hence, ex.
I learned to feel UNsafe whenever my ex came home. I never knew what state of mind he would be in, and I'd been punched in the head, whipped with a car antenna, and had various items thrown at me during the course of our marriage.
I couldn't figure out how to get rid of him. If I said I wanted him to go to rehab or to leave, he would get very nasty and threaten to take our daughter and disappear. For a long time, I thought that my only way out would be his death, which is dangerous, because it's a very short step from wishing someone would die to beginning to think how you might make it happen.
It's not a very safe feeling living that way, and it actually generates some PTSD after years of living on the edge of not knowing when someone might attack you.
Now I am with someone who is completely different, but I suspect a part of me will always be on watch. I do not expect someone else to make me feel safe.
Men are usually larger and stronger than women. They’re less likely to be sexually, or otherwise, assaulted for no reason other than their gender.
I can’t reasonably walk on a trail through the woods or on an empty street through a sketchy part of town without being hyper aware and prepared to defend myself.
It’s not that I’m unfit or lack self confidence. Men make me feel safer because they’re men. (And yes, size matters, )
I guess I didn’t read the OP all the way through. Spiritually: love, trust and respect. Respect, in particular.
You have to know he has your back and believes in you. He must have great respect for you. A man who won't defend his woman is not a man worth having.
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