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At this point, The most therapist will suggest meeting EX to get the closure.
In my experience, and as others have said, a therapist would likely advise you to move on and find closure on your own. Many people, myself included, have been in situations where we kept seeking closure by meeting with exes only to find ourselves even further from it. It just isn't something you can often get from another person.
Maybe you should consider telling this guy that you are married with children and don't want to have any contact with him. Then tell your husband that he's contacting you, but that you told him you don't want to talk to him. That way, if he has the nerve to show up at your house, you and your husband are on the same page.
I do love my husband. I'm loyal to the family 200%
The love my husband and I have is different from with EX.
My husband and I are a perfect match. We have a lot of things in common. Personality, the value of life, etc.
EX and I are both passions in love. Different personality, different the value of life. Ex doesn't want to have a family and kids. We had very strong Chemistry. We know each other's thoughts without saying anything.
I would wager to guess that the relationship with the ex was so short lived that it never made it out of the honeymoon stage and into the reality of what a long term relationship is. Two totally different things. You should expect passion and chemistry in your marriage but sometimes it takes more work to keep that present and/or re-inject it into a longer term relationship.
Even in my marriage, I fantasize about how awesome things were when my husband and I first got together. You only ever feel like that at the beginning of a relationship and it is very addictive and unforgettable. You need to see this for what it is and not risk your marriage based on a memory of something that would have changed into something totally different if you had stayed with that guy.
Pay me a million dollars I won't message him. I was the one take initially to cut all contact with him.
And yet... you're the one starting a thread about it. I think you're like an alcoholic eyeing a drink while insisting you won't ever fall off the wagon. You're making excuses not to block him. You don't want to prevent him from contacting you again.
Did you think about this man often prior to his contacting you? If you did, you have one level of problem, and I really think you should tell your husband and probably seek some marriage counseling. If you've been thinking of this man as some sort of an ideal all along, that surely has been divisive in your marriage. And by all along, I don't mean a fond memory now and then, but more of a frequent or constant emotional presence. Makes the marriage crowded.
If on the other hand he was mostly a distant memory until he contacted you, then let him drift back to being an occasional fond memory.
Take a hard look at this. the way you're reacting here would have me guessing that you've been thinking of this guy more than a little bit. Be honest with yourself, and if need be, with your husband.
I think you guys are right about I shouldn't tell him I still love him. It may drive him crazy, but if he already has moved on it won't a problem.
I guess what's bothering you the most is that you think that he might feel the same way that you do. That he secretly loves you and wants to be with you and that is why he came back around snooping. That if you confessed that you love him then you and he can run off together and live happily ever after. Well it doesn't work like that. I'll indulge with you and pretend for a second. What if he's single but a loser (a real possibility)? Then you're going to be having an ongoing affair with him while not leaving your marriage. Basically living a double life, and while that will be thrilling for you for a while, it will grow tiring and has a very big potential to destroy your husband, family, business and marriage if found out. What if he's married as well? In that case, he will NOT leave his wife for you and you'd still be having an ongoing affair and your fantasy of running away with him will be nil. The lies, secrets and betrayal will make you feel like a horrible person. In all likelihood this man is no one you want to be in contact with again and risk all the things you have in life that have been a blessing to you. Block him!
I am not a fan of telling your husband. Deal with it on your own like a grown up.
I would wager to guess that the relationship with the ex was so short lived that it never made it out of the honeymoon stage and into the reality of what a long term relationship is.
That is correct. And she never really explained exactly why they parted ways in the first place. She was vague about it stating: "We were on different pages". Which is fine to say, except I think now that this has come up, it needs to be delved into a little deeper. Is this man that she feels is "the one that got away", and thus she can't let it go? If so, those feelings need to be dealt with.
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