Finally met the man of my dream but later things got complicated. What should I do? (men, love)
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It's funny that many of our CD-R topics get contentious at times, but now and then a topic like this one comes up and everybody agrees. I'm pretty sure this is one of those topics.
This is just plain black and white. The OP should find somebody else.
It's funny that many of our CD-R topics get contentious at times, but now and then a topic like this one comes up and everybody agrees. I'm pretty sure this is one of those topics.
This is just plain black and white. The OP should find somebody else.
/topic
Not just that but the OP also needs to amend her standard ("man of my dreams") and make sure he's got a nicer (and compatible) personality to go with.
Definitely getting a sociopath vibe about him. You did a good job describing this man. He is bad news.
Many of us have been in your position. Think of it like having a cold that you have to get through, but that you WILL get through. Think some disgusting phrase when you think of him: "ugh, what a little creep", something like that. And keep thinking it when you start to think of him. It may take a couple of months, but you will get over this person, who is in fact not a good human being and not worth your time. Fraulein, you're so much better a person than this man. I can tell from the way you think. You DO deserve so much better. He's a bit of pigeon poop on the edge of your shoe. Remember that.
Hello people, before I reply you one by one, I want to thank you for sharing your advice with me. I am still trying to forget about him even though it is hard.
Also, this guy is actually very good at socializing with people. He is so good at it (especially when he is talking with females) and many people want to be friends with him. Also, since he has this trustworthy image among his colleagues and friends, people turn to him whenever they have problems or need to talk. He could be so patient and generous to them, and none of them know his true colors...I happened to be the one who found out the facts, and I was(am) still in love with him! I just feel pathetic.
He wants to join politics in the future. He graduated from the best politic school and it is well-known for "producing" all the presidents, politicians and famous CEOs. Anyway...I guess this is one of the reasons he carefully hides his true characters from most of his friends and colleagues because he knows that one day he might be a public figure.
He has serious psychological problems. I can tell that just from what I learned at my Psych minor in college and what I read in your post. Not even a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose a patient without meeting them in person. I'll hazard he has some kind of personality disorder, narcissism, or something in that spectrum.
Narcissists can be extremely charming and charismatic people.
Stay away from him. Read your OP for all the examples of his shortcomings.
We don't sugar coat things in this forum section. Move on. There are plenty of nice people that are much better than him.
Yes! He was super charming and nice and everything at first when we met. Everyone loved him. They all wanted to have his attention. He told me that he knew he could be a very successful man in the future but right now he just wanted to keep a low profile for awhile because he had been bullied during the high school since he was the best student.
There are a million articles you can Google to find out how to stop obsessive thoughts, which is what you're having.
You KNOW he's wrong for you. Force yourself to get over it.
This is the version you need to keep reading. Just keep reading your own words over and over:
thank you Birdiebelle, I used to be confused and thought why some girls would rather stick to / be crazy in love with wrong guys even if apparently these guys are so bad.... Now I'm one of them
You come across as very needy and desperate for a man's attention/love and a relationship. When you seek companionship from a place of "need" versus "desire," it is never a good place to start from And, it is not fair or reasonable to ask or expect a partner to fill all or most of those "needs" for you; that's YOUR job. A partner enhances the wonderful life you already have; he does not "make" your existence wonderful/happy.
Re this guy--you are attracted to the man he is not. You made Mr. Perfect up in your head and now you are trying to find ways to fit this guy into your Mr. Perfect model. It will not work. Even if he is all of those things you mentioned are desirable attributes of him, who really cares if he is not a good, caring, attentive, nurturing and loving soul? He is NOT worth any time you may put into him. Break free and move on.
You're right. Even though I don't want to admit that but I always have a Mr. Perfect image in my head. I am too picky and shallow. when a guy finally shows up and meets some of my standards, I would neglect all his shortcomings. He gave me a great sense of security and trustworthiness and that made me feel like everything would be just fine if I could stay with him... Guess I need to not only get over him but also change my way of thinking...
Think about what you want out of life. If you want a husband and children, especially if he is Italian, he might appreciate a wife who is a virgin when he marries her.
Why would you want to settle for someone who you know would probably not be faithful to you even if you did develop into something long term, (which doesn't seem very likely)?
You seem like you know the right answers to all you ask, and are just looking for support. I support you. Don't settle. Hold out for the very best, and he obviously is not it.
I had a very exceptional relationship with a great guy. I was not a virgin when we met, and he did not hold that fact against me, but, if anything could have made that relationship much more special for both of us, it would have been that I was a virgin. I can honestly say that I wish I had been. I can also tell you that the best sex I ever had was with him, because I loved him and knew he loved me.
At the very least, if you are going to settle for table scraps, wait until you are in your 30s to worry about knowing what it feels like. As a woman, we only get one shot at making the right choice.
As for getting your stuff back, simply ask him for it. Or, if you don't trust that, get new stuff. New stuff will help you forget him.
he is not an italian, but I guess he would prefer to marry a virgin in the future, just like what you said. This guy told me that it is a great pity if people only have one sex partner in life, he said people should always try new things. But...I can also feel that he wouldn't be so open-minded if his future partner is not a virgin. he told me that he is interested in me and wanted to know me better, that was one of the reasons that I fell for him because I felt like something could develop in the future. but, yes, he would not be a faithful partner I think.
It sounds wonderful that at least you were in love with each other...but I am still surprised that nowadays men still care about this...could a relationship end just because the girl is not a virgin?
I decide to contact him later on. I don't want to meet or hear him right now, after reading what you guys said how could i be so dumb!
Thank you Comecloser. I am 27 now and hopefully I can find the right one when I am in my 30s!
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thank you Birdiebelle, I used to be confused and thought why some girls would rather stick to / be crazy in love with wrong guys even if apparently these guys are so bad.... Now I'm one of them 
how could i be so dumb!
