I met this man online and now I’m afraid if I be honest I will lose him. Please help (girlfriend, marriage)
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Just tell him the truth.I think what you're going through is nearly not as bad as others...financially.It sounds like to me that you're doing well BUT the going out is really taking a toll on your finances and you feel that he will see you as someone who isn't in a good financial place.If he's not a jerk..he will see what we all see on here....someone who is living within their means and being able to help their parents....which is very kind and thoughtful of you.He should understand how when dating...it costs money with the constant going out all the time.He should be able to understand that you can't do that all the time and as you suggested...it is nice to be able to stay in and watch movies or cook each other dinners.Helps lessen the cost of going out.You shouldn't be using your savings to go out!! It seem to me that HE likes to be doing all of these things and it's not something that you want to be doing all the time due to your financial situation.Also it seems like he's the one suggesting all these outings...does he even offer to pay for you at times since you guys are dating and it seems now exclusive.At least he could pay at times since he's the one suggesting doing all of these activities.
I say just tell him this.You shouldn't be ashamed.
codergirl, thank you very much.
He did pay for our pottery class. I once mentioned to him before that I've always wanted to take the class. The following week he was able to find a place and we took the class together. I offered to pay for my part and he refused for me to pay, which I thought was really sweet of him. Tonight I will be seeing him and I will bring up the topic and tell him about my situation. I really want this relationship to work and the only option I can see is being honest now than later. I will keep you updated and let you know how it goes tonight.
My point is I don’t know how to tell him, because of this it’s making me distant myself and in the back of my mind I’m having doubts. Doubts like I’m not good enough for him. He’s an RN and thinking of going back to school to become an NP. I’m an LVN and currently trying to work my way up to become an RN. But financially I’m having a hard time, with so much bills it’s driving me insane. Example, the money I have left is for food and gas which is within my budget. Going out and spending money every week is not in my budget and currently using my savings for it. I’m afraid if I tell him it will make him like me less. I don’t want to lose him. .
Your finances at this point are really none of his business, since you and he are not engaged to be married at this time. I'm just amazed he never offers to pick up the tab, but he earns more than you do? Wow. I'd want to lose him but that's just me. He has to realize RNs earn more than LVNs do. It also sounds like he spends too much money traveling and doing expensive things. He sounds like a spender instead of a saver and that's not good for long term financial security if you two were to become married.
Honesty is the only way to have a lasting relationship. If he is not supportive of your situation and your circumstances, then he is not the man for you.
On the other hand, if he is supportive and willing to share your burdens, he is a good guy.
Your finances at this point are really none of his business, since you and he are not engaged to be married at this time. I'm just amazed he never offers to pick up the tab, but he earns more than you do? Wow. I'd want to lose him but that's just me. He has to realize RNs earn more than LVNs do. It also sounds like he spends too much money traveling and doing expensive things. He sounds like a spender instead of a saver and that's not good for long term financial security if you two were to become married.
yeah now that someone else brought it up I was thinking along those lines too Priscilla . When I was dating my dates would get upset if I took out my wallet to pay for my half and I even had one say to me "please don't open your wallet again when you are out with me " . I was just used to it after being on my own for so long and I explained that to my date and he also explained to me he was a gentleman and when a gentleman takes a lady out he never expects the lady to pay and any man that does , does not deserve her time or effort and that is something I have never forgotten .We were not a good match but we are still good friends to this day his wife and he and my husband and I quite often have dinner when we are in their neck of the woods so to speak .
This, too. OP, how much longer can you afford to keep up the charade, before your money runs out? What will you do, when it does run out? Are you ok with squandering your entire savings, just to create a well-to-do impression for this guy? What happens when your financial bubble bursts?
The truth is the only way to go. If he drops you because your spending power is considerably less than his, wouldn't you want to know that now, so that you can find a guy whose values are more in line with yours, and who appreciates you for who you are? The longer you put off telling him, the more likely he'll feel deceived. He may drop you for the dishonesty, not for any other reason, if you wait too long.
Thank you for your advice. I would love to invite him over for dinner one day but I just recently moved and got my own place. It's still unfurnished so I don't want to invite him over yet.
Yes, I use my savings, but not so much. I would pick up extra hours and or work more days so that I would have extra money to go out with him. I know its silly but its the only way to make more money so I can go out. I won't wait any longer, I promise I will talk to him about it and be honest about my situation. I feel like the more I get to know him the more I'm falling for him. I don't want this "thing" to be the reason why it destroys us. So, tonight will be the night to let out the truth! Wish me luck, I will keep you updated on how this night went and what he says after I tell him the truth. thank you!
Thank you for your advice. I would love to invite him over for dinner one day but I just recently moved and got my own place. It's still unfurnished so I don't want to invite him over yet.
Yes, I use my savings, but not so much. I would pick up extra hours and or work more days so that I would have extra money to go out with him. I know its silly but its the only way to make more money so I can go out. I won't wait any longer, I promise I will talk to him about it and be honest about my situation. I feel like the more I get to know him the more I'm falling for him. I don't want this "thing" to be the reason why it destroys us. So, tonight will be the night to let out the truth! Wish me luck, I will keep you updated on how this night went and what he says after I tell him the truth. thank you!
Yes, I use my savings, but not so much. I would pick up extra hours and or work more days so that I would have extra money to go out with him. I know its silly but its the only way to make more money so I can go out.
It almost sounds like you are paying to be in a relationship with him.
My parents came from a foreign country, and brought my siblings here in the US when they were kids. Luckily I was born here in CA. My parents right now are divorced and mom is remarried while my dad stayed single after they parted. My mom doesn't have a job and doesn't speak English that well while at the same time has a 11 yo boy with the new husband. Which he does not speak English as well and is good in Spanish. They both currently don't work so my sister and I are paying for their rent every month.
As for my father, he is single and is renting a room. He works at an Asian clothing factory which pays very little for the amount of hard works he put in. He's barely making anything so my sister and I are paying for his room. I want to help them so they don't have to live and struggle so hard day after day. As much as possible I want to help them in any ways I can to help.
If he doesn't admire you for helping your parents while making ends meet and having some savings left over, you should kick him to the curb--he isn't good enough for YOU. Best wishes. I really do think he'll understand, I think most people would.
Well we're all dying to know what happened!! Did you tell him?I think it's sad that you're working extra shifts just so you can have the extra money to go out with this dude.I hope everything went well as planned for you and he understands where you're coming from.Like someone says...hes seems to like to spend too much money all the time with all of this going out.Also like another person also stated... that if a man is taking you out...then he should be paying for all of those activities as well.Now if it's you taking him out...then you should be paying.It's that simple.
I hope it works out for you.
Sorry for the late update. I been so busy for the past days. I just started my IV class, 12 hours a day.
Anyways I had a talk with him. It went completely opposite of what I expected it to be. I explained everything to him and how I hid it. How I was scared to tell him and how it was draining me financially. That I can’t be going out and spending all these money just to be able to do the things he wants to do, and trying to keep up with him. That I’m helping my parents with their living. How much I been wanting to tell him but was afraid that if I do he wouldn’t like me. But turns out I was being scared for nothing.
Surprisingly, he understood it all and wasn’t mad. He also explained to me that he wanted to do all these things because I’ve never done it and wants me to experience it. He even offered to not go out and eat as much and would cook for us. I too offered to cook for him. He stated, next time I should tell him anything ( big or small ) that’s bothering me so we can talk it out. Not to hide it and make it become a bigger problem later. All the conversation that night just made me felt nothing but happier than ever. He makes my heart flutter in a way that I’ve never felt.
That same night he invited me to his family dinner on thanksgiving at his house. I’m not sure how I should feel. I’m happy that he wants me to meet his family but at the same time I feel uneasy. I’m not sure if I want to meet them just yet. I’m scared, what if they don’t like me, I know I should just be myself and if they like me they will like me. I just want to give a good first impression. He told me to think about it and give him an answer whenever I’m ready. In a way I want to meet his parents and be introduce as his girlfriend. But if I do go on thanksgiving I will be introduce as a friend and that we’re dating. What should I tell him? Should I go or not go? ��
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I once mentioned to him before that I've always wanted to take the class. The following week he was able to find a place and we took the class together. I offered to pay for my part and he refused for me to pay, which I thought was really sweet of him. Tonight I will be seeing him and I will bring up the topic and tell him about my situation. I really want this relationship to work and the only option I can see is being honest now than later. I will keep you updated and let you know how it goes tonight. 
