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Why don’t you just ask him out then? He’ll either say no, that’s totally inappropriate and perhaps realize that his bedside manner is sending the wrong message, or he’ll say yes and you can spend the rest of the relationship wondering how many of his other female patients he hits on. At least you’ll know.
This ^^^^
OP just doesn't want any other advice anyway...
...Waiting for her to come back and tell us how foolish she feels now...
I'm reminded of my dentist, who often says borderline-inappropriate things to me. He has noticed my collar, is what it is, and he's throwing around slightly heavy-handed "I know, do you know that I know? Wink wink? Nudge nudge?" type stuff. I find it highly entertaining and you know, anything at all that gets me slightly more interested and positive about going to the dentist, is something I will definitely be ok with. Every time I'm like, "What will he say this time?"
Although having the urge to laugh when the man's hands are all up in my molars IS a bit awkward.
Another time, I was having my routine lady-business exam, like ya do, and my gyno is a pretty hardcore feminist, and it was during the time that people were doing the political protests in the pink hats, and she started talking during the exam about how she was thinking of attending one, and then talking about how upset she was about Trump related things. I had to say, "Look, I don't object to your perspectives on these matters, but I'm gonna really need you to stop talking about Trump while you are doing what you're doing down there, if you please. It's just too weird."
Doctors are people. They do and say all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons, just like anybody else. Though I'd think that a medical professional would be smarter than to actually try to initiate a dating situation with a patient, because I think they'd probably get into a lot of trouble for that. Like there are strict rules about it with mental health pros, I expect there are rules pertaining to medical docs, too. So if he's flirting...don't take it too seriously. Some people just socially flirt with no real intent. That's my 2 cents.
Speaking of dentists...did I tell you about the time my dentist called me up at 11pm, to see how I was doing after that days appointment? He sounded like he had been drinking. Then my husband demanded to know what was going on, too. Yeah just a regular guy would do something like that, but a professional with access to all of my personal history is expected to be professional.
Not “showering” the patients with compliments, like the OP posted. I know I’d feel like I was taking advantage of someone if I had the power to tell them to take their clothes off, or put them under so they can’t remember, its at least out of line to be love-bombing them. If not unethical.
ETA: And as far as the “having money or being attractive” part of this thread that got brought up, that’s only attractive to people of the same character. Once someone acts like an arrogant ass, it’s hard to see attractive, unless one only cares about the superficial.
Elnina, no need to be rude. I don't feel foolish in the least for wondering if someone who showers me with compliments likes me.
I'm not convinced that you're being "showered" with compliments. A medical professional who comes in and says "that's a nice scarf" might have no ulterior motive than to establish a friendly bedside manner. Which is not to say that there aren't inappropriate creeps out there, but they get filtered out pretty quickly. If your doctor makes you uncomfortable, then by all means find a new one, but I wouldn't be looking for signs he was flirting.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 11-28-2018 at 10:02 AM..
I'm not convinced that you're being "showered" with compliments. A medical professional who comes in and says "that's a nice scarf" might have no ulterior motive than to establish a friendly bedside manner.
I agree. One compliment per visit to break the ice and set a welcoming tone isn't a "shower". I don't know what the alleged "touchy-feely" thing refers to, though.
How often do you go to the doctor's office, OP? Most people only see their doc for their annual exam, and maybe one more time/year, if a flu or some other issue comes up.
I agree. One compliment per visit to break the ice and set a welcoming tone isn't a "shower". I don't know what the alleged "touchy-feely" thing refers to, though.
How often do you go to the doctor's office, OP? Most people only see their doc for their annual exam, and maybe one more time/year, if a flu or some other issue comes up.
Yeah, I don't know about "touchy-feely" either because I have certainly had doctors put hands on my back or shoulder or arm, but it feels like they are trying to be comforting. To establish a rapport, to give "care." It's a unique interaction, it's not like stranger-to-stranger where physical contact is just totally odd or unexpected.
I just would not project motivations upon someone too much...like if a doctor makes me feel a positive feeling, that's good, if they make me uncomfortable, that's not good. I can always find a different doctor.
Under no circumstances would I entertain thoughts of having some kind of fling or romance with any of my doctors ever. I would just assume there are ethics violations swarming around the very notion, and I would assume my doctor knows that, too. It's maybe the one time a guy would have to really hit me over the head with his intentions, if he had intentions. And I'd be pretty shocked.
I guess what I'm wondering is... OP, are you trying to figure out if you should feel flattered? If you have a right to feel uncomfortable, and if you do, if it's justified or you are overreacting? If you stand a chance of dating your doctor? Like even if (let's say) he were being flirty...what would you do with that information? I say if you feel uncomfortable (justified or no) listen to your gut and find another doctor if you can. Instincts happen for reasons. Nothing wrong with heeding them. If you are NOT uncomfortable, then continue to see your doctor. Do not try to date him. Do not assume he wants to date you. Pretty simple.
When a medical professional touches your face SO gently...?
My doctor and I get along very well and sometimes I think we are naturally close. We have a very good rapport--to the point where I think there is a bit of touchy-feely stuff and maybe even some flirtation happening. There have been numerous things that make me wonder, like when he touches my hand very gently for a little too long, squeezes my shoulder, touches my knee, has our feet touching while we are sitting, invades my personal space a bit, stands over me close to me while looking down at me, compliments me, etc. I could go on, but lots of things like that.
This last appointment he had to examine my eye briefly. Then he wiped gently under my eye as if he was wiping away a tear with his thumb (twice) and touched/cupped the side of my face oh-so-gently in his open hand. OMG??!!
Was he hitting on me? What would you think if a doctor did this to you?
We are around the same age and I REALLY like him (in fact I have a crush on him). I don’t want to have confirmation bias or be assuming something that isn’t there, but to have a man softly caress my face makes me wonder.
To clarify, I don’t mind that he did this but I am wondering what you think his intentions might be. So, what would you tell your friend you thought if she relayed the same story to you?
Mod note: This post and those following have been merged into a prior thread on the same topic.
To find a new doctor. This is highly unethical behavior. If what you’re describing is indeed flirty behavior you can bet that you’re not the first patient he has tried this with.
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When a medical professional touches your face SO gently...?
