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For a while , I was proud of my choice it took a lot of discipline but this past year my parents have gone thru a nasty divorce and I have rethought my choice and am ready to have sex.
I mentioned those past situations to show that I'm not undesired as most think a virgin is , most guys are pushing frequently to get it done with , I was the opposite I avoided it, wanted to have sex only in a serious relationship.
It sounds like you came here to make sure people know that not all virgins are undesirable, which is true and well known. The virgins who are undesirable often have issues with self-esteem and intimacy anyway, which is what makes them undesirable, not their sexual status.
You, however, are a technical virgin, meaning you have lots of sexual experience but just haven't done the one thing you hold out on in order to satisfy a theory long ago implanted by your misguided parents, who were probably doing the best they could but that's another thread.
The thing is ... doing other stuff but holding out on PIV isn't that much to be proud of; it's merely a workaround. And it's kept you from experiencing a fulfilling emotional and sexual connection with another person.
I know that lots of people think that waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way to honor God and each other, but lots of people don't believe that, and I am one of those. You should, of course, be smart about sex, but once you let go of those physical barriers, you can also let go of the emotional barriers that were imprinted in you.
Have you ever thought about counseling? I think it would benefit you to talk to a licensed psychotherapist about your upbringing and your thoughts about this just to sort out your feeling before you randomly start sticking it in all over the place.
It sounds like you came here to make sure people know that not all virgins are undesirable, which is true and well known. The virgins who are undesirable often have issues with self-esteem and intimacy anyway, which is what makes them undesirable, not their sexual status.
You, however, are a technical virgin, meaning you have lots of sexual experience but just haven't done the one thing you hold out on in order to satisfy a theory long ago implanted by your misguided parents, who were probably doing the best they could but that's another thread.
The thing is ... doing other stuff but holding out on PIV isn't that much to be proud of; it's merely a workaround. And it's kept you from experiencing a fulfilling emotional and sexual connection with another person.
I know that lots of people think that waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way to honor God and each other, but lots of people don't believe that, and I am one of those. You should, of course, be smart about sex, but once you let go of those physical barriers, you can also let go of the emotional barriers that were imprinted in you.
Have you ever thought about counseling? I think it would benefit you to talk to a licensed psychotherapist about your upbringing and your thoughts about this just to sort out your feeling before you randomly start sticking it in all over the place.
Haha yeah I realize that everything besides PIV is a workaround but would have lost my mind had I gone to this age and done nothing at all with a girl.
No one knows about this , I told all my friends I was 16 when it happened and they all believed it had no reason to believe otherwise they’ve seen me with girls and many expressed interest in me. I know how to flirt , create tension and hold good conversation with girls just have never gone all the way.
One thing I will mention is there are a lot of guys out there who are virgins in their early 20s many not by choice. Nothing crazy but i would say at age 22 about 10-20% of guys are virgins many just won’t admit it due to the shame. Especially in my opinion now with more prevalent with technology and people not socializing as much.
This may be the most unique virgin story you’ve heard:
To start off I am from a strict catholic upbringing , I never had “ the talk” and my parents were very much against me going out a lot.
Was essentially a mute ( antisocial) until the 8th grade then I broke out became popular and girls gave me attention in high school.
Had two girlfriends in high school that both had asked me out , one lasted 8 months the other about a year. I’m not sure what it was a lot of girls were in to me some made very blatant sexual advances but I didn’t pursue further.
At 16 I went all the way with a girl she had a condom for me but I didn’t want to do it , girl was very attractive I just didn’t want to. By age 18 had done everything but PIV.
All in all at age 24 I’ve made out with between 25-30 girls , done everything but PIV with 8 girls ( oral , heavy petting ,etc.) so attraction has never been an issue I know that I have been desirable to other girls. In fact, in college I avoided chasing girls because I thought I would get a reputation as a guy who wouldn’t go all the way with a girl.
When people picture a virgin they think of an ugly guy with no friends but this is not me. I am a bit of a shy introverted guy but have a large network. I’ve never lacked confidence about my virginity either in fact , when you see how desperate other guys are to get with just any girl it gives you a confidence boost.
This was entirely my decision but your upbringing plays a huge role on who you become and I always had the voice in the back of my head that sleeping around wasn’t what I wanted. I missed many opportunities with great girls but this has made me the guy I’m proud of today. At this point I hope a girl can understand my decision and I’m not at the point where I would wait until marriage but in a relationship ,ladies would you see me as a turn off or would you date me?
You have a decent rap going here, but then you say that last line. Now, it sounds like a scam you want to feed a girl in the hopes of her thinking you are a good guy with a steady moral compass when you are ready to jump on her the second you figure out how to get her to make the first move.
I would have dated you if you told me that you thought sex was a special bond between a man and a woman that you are saving for marriage. The wolf peeked out from under the fleece with that last line.
The thing is ... doing other stuff but holding out on PIV isn't that much to be proud of; it's merely a workaround. And it's kept you from experiencing a fulfilling emotional and sexual connection with another person.
I know that lots of people think that waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way to honor God and each other, but lots of people don't believe that, and I am one of those. You should, of course, be smart about sex, but once you let go of those physical barriers, you can also let go of the emotional barriers that were imprinted in you.
That's an interesting notion....of course oral, etc. is a 'type" of sex but most people still see it as second rate. But what's interesting is the view that even though not having PIV sex is a "workaround" you still think you can't have a fulling emotional and sexual connection unless you do it! Now THAT is very conventional idea.
In terms of oxytocin alone, I'd say anything that makes you feel the best is what gets you emotionally and sexually connected and PIV sex is certainly not always the best way.
Haha yeah I realize that everything besides PIV is a workaround but would have lost my mind had I gone to this age and done nothing at all with a girl.
No one knows about this , I told all my friends I was 16 when it happened and they all believed it had no reason to believe otherwise they’ve seen me with girls and many expressed interest in me. I know how to flirt , create tension and hold good conversation with girls just have never gone all the way.
One thing I will mention is there are a lot of guys out there who are virgins in their early 20s many not by choice. Nothing crazy but i would say at age 22 about 10-20% of guys are virgins many just won’t admit it due to the shame. Especially in my opinion now with more prevalent with technology and people not socializing as much.
Yeah , I understand this and expect it. I’ve begun changing my views I’m not a prude by any chance it’s not that I don’t like the idea of sex. I would be interested in exploring and learning in a relationship.
Honestly I was late to that sexual development a lot of my friends had the interest while watching porn beginning at ages 10-12, believe it or not I was 17 when I was first watched it.
How do you feel about other people who do engage in sex? Do you think a woman who has had lovers is "used goods"? (Not saying you do, just asking).
That's an interesting notion....of course oral, etc. is a 'type" of sex but most people still see it as second rate. But what's interesting is the view that even though not having PIV sex is a "workaround" you still think you can't have a fulling emotional and sexual connection unless you do it! Now THAT is very conventional idea.
Nah. I’m speaking about the OP specifically and not trying to extrapolate it across a generation.
His mental barriers are the problem, not his lack of intercourse.
How do you feel about other people who do engage in sex? Do you think a woman who has had lovers is "used goods"? (Not saying you do, just asking).
No , I can’t be upset on how someone else lived their life.
Being that this was by choice I can't be upset of a girls history. It's a double standard many guys have that if a girl doesn't have sex she is prude but if she does , she is " used goods".
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