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Don't you have anything to contribute; or, am I wrong for even asking that obvious question?
Let's be realistic Geoff. There are damned few people with an 800-ish credit score, unless this ocean is on another planet somewhere.
No, Geoff is right. We’re retired and I don’t think any of our friends have anything but perfect scores, even our kids do. If a man hasn’t learned basic life lessons by retirement age, he never will.
I’m wondering what is so great about the guy, that OP has kept him this long?
Money isn't everything. If you love him, you love him. I still don't see why you have to marry. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have never married - and they probably have perfect credit scores, LOL.
It's like my wife and her mother said about my finances when we were dating (but we weren't in our 60s at the time but are now). If you wait till both of you can afford to get married, you won't ever marry.
He is very loving to me and my kids and fun to be with.
Well, good. Enjoy his company but don't marry him unless you're prepared to be on the hook for his unpaid medical expenses and to spend down your assets to about $120,000 for LTC if he needs it, before Medicaid kicks in. I was married the first time around to a financially irresponsible man and when he ran up medical bills he couldn't pay, the hospital's lawyers filed an order to garnish my wages. (Well, he was unemployed.) I got out of it only because we were in the process of divorcing and my lawyer fought them off.
I'm widowed now and dating a nice guy who's smart, well-educated, well-traveled but of modest means due to working his whole life in the public sector and a divorce at the age of 61. The Ex got the house and he's in a rental. It will not lead to marriage. Call me selfish but my top financial priorities are not outliving my savings (and providing for my own LTC if needed), helping with the grandkids' education and leaving something for DS and DDIL.
He is retirement age. In my head having almost no assets and a few hundred in your checking account is essentially BROKE!! Am I wrong???
Nope having a few hundred in your savings account after bills is NOT broke, having a few hundred in the bank when your bills are due "Might be" broke.
I don't know this guys situation, but there are many guys who got taken to the cleaners in divorce and never quite got back to their pre-divorce/child support standard of living. after my divorce it took me 12 years to get to my current modest lifestyle, and I was almost 30, imagine if I'd have gotten divorced at 40 or had waited longer to have kids, I'd still be in that hole, and many guys don't get divorce until after 50, so there are many retirement aged guys with little money or savings living on a fixed income.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD
Until I read this, I thought the OP was describing a 20-something.
The pragmatic reality is that long term relationships are just as much an economic union as an emotional one. I presume retirement age means at least 60. There is an ocean full of 60-year-old fish out there for you who have managed to do basic adult things like have retirement savings, an emergency fund, an 800-ish credit score, and own their house outright. Why hitch your star on someone who is going to drag you to poverty?
Actually there is not, since women live longer than men on average there is a much higher percentage of men who never get to see retirement age. when a woman drops dead clutching her chest at 58 everyone is surprised(unless she was morbidly obese or something), if a 56 year old man keels over on the toilet nobody is surprised(unless he is of the Keanue reeves, Johnny Depp variety of 50+)
This creates an imbalanced male/female ratio in the 60+ dating pool(more widows than widowers) and the widowers who managed to build a large savings, pay off their house etc etc etc also have the option to marry much younger(I know it happens in reverse also but not in nearly the same numbers even though older woman younger man makes more sense logically because of the whole women living longer thing).
Basically the dating dynamics reverse when you hit your 60's and from there the dating pool only gets more and more woman heavy.
He is very loving to me and my kids and fun to be with.
Are your children grown and no longer living in your home?
Regardless of whether or not they do reside with you, do not marry or cohabitate with this man--even if you don't plan on mingling finances as your money will likely end up becoming the go-to place for emergencies among other things. Keep things between you as they currently are, i.e., separate residences and expenses, and you'll avoid more than few future resentments between you.
If your boyfriend was wise, he'd put some of his inherited money towards paying off his car rather than on a romantic vacation for two that he can ill afford.
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