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I'm pretty new to this whole thing. Been seeing someone for 2-3 months but not of the "talks" or relationship milestones have come up. Can you guys share your experiences so I can get a feel? Thanks.
She'll bring it up when she's ready. She may say it in a way like "where is this going?" YOU don't bring up relationship terms, let her. Including marriage.
She'll let you know when she's ready for any relationship advancement. Your only goal is to lead her their on her terms, at her pace, by hanging together and having fun.
Let's say she never brings it up. And exclusivity is something you want. In that case keep dating others and you'll find a girl that wants that too.
She'll bring it up when she's ready. She may say it in a way like "where is this going?" YOU don't bring up relationship terms, let her. Including marriage.
She'll let you know when she's ready for any relationship advancement. Your only goal is to lead her their on her terms, at her pace, by hanging together and having fun.
Let's say she never brings it up. And exclusivity is something you want. In that case keep dating others and you'll find a girl that wants that too.
Why should he let her bring it up. What if shes been hurt in the past, or cant handle rejection? If he wants exclusivity he should open his mouth and say something. You'll never get something if you don't ask.
Some people start off exclusive, some people never want it.
Thank you both. I'm not very experienced in any aspect of dating but in my last brief relationship I brought up the exclusivity talk at 2 months and then she pulled away. I keep hearing opposite opinions esp from men and women on this. Just not sure at this point.
Only you can be the judge of this. Since a relationship is always in a state of flux, there is no clear cut answer. Since you can never really tell what the other person is truly thinking why not bring up the discussion in a way that doesn’t make her feel like you are putting her in a corner? You said she pulled away the first time, perhaps do you feel like you were forcing the subject in a way that came across judgmental?
If the timing to bring this up again isn’t right and you are afraid she will pull away even harder if you do bring it up again, are you okay with being in a vulnerable position? That’s if you even want an exclusive relationship, which sounds like you do.
Only you can be the judge of this. Since a relationship is always in a state of flux, there is no clear cut answer. Since you can never really tell what the other person is truly thinking why not bring up the discussion in a way that doesn’t make her feel like you are putting her in a corner? You said she pulled away the first time, perhaps do you feel like you were forcing the subject in a way that came across judgmental?
If the timing to bring this up again isn’t right and you are afraid she will pull away even harder if you do bring it up again, are you okay with being in a vulnerable position? That’s if you even want an exclusive relationship, which sounds like you do.
no that was a prior experience. just felt as a man, if you bring up those "talks" it can be seen as being too needy or vulnerable.
When dating the guy should not bring up any relationship terms, or even talk about your future together. Always let her bring up exclusivity or anything about the future. These are women's decisions (just like mating in the wild). And she may hint/ask this in a roundabout way, like "I don't like you dating other girls". When she does this, then you can ask, "you mean be exclusive?".
Letting it her be her idea makes you know she truly wants it and avoids her having to say no and hurt your feelings or lose what you have going.
A woman will also let you know when she wants to get married. Some even ask.
no that was a prior experience. just felt as a man, if you bring up those "talks" it can be seen as being too needy or vulnerable.
Gotcha, I guess it just depends on your delivery. There’s no black and white rule. Let me tell you from personal first hand expierence trying to avoid vulnerability and using reverse psychology back fires!!!
If she is a good women then even if you bring it up first and make yourself somewhat vulnerable she will actually see that as a strength. Again, it comes down to your delivery.
Last edited by JPrzybylski07; 01-24-2019 at 02:36 PM..
When dating the guy should not bring up any relationship terms, or even talk about your future together. Always let her bring up exclusivity or anything about the future. These are women's decisions (just like mating in the wild). And she may hint/ask this in a roundabout way, like "I don't like you dating other girls". When she does this, then you can ask, "you mean be exclusive?".
Letting it her be her idea makes you know she truly wants it and avoids her having to say no and hurt your feelings or lose what you have going.
A woman will also let you know when she wants to get married. Some even ask.
But the relationship even in the beginning stages isn’t just her “idea”. It takes two to tango. There has to be some accountability as the relationship progresses. It’s not as black and white as you make it sound.
Of course if OP wants exclusivity it would make it so much easier if she did bring it up first and soon. But it doesn’t have to be like pulling teeth either if he brings it up first !!
A man who doesn’t speak up for himself or needs is just passive. Part of the fun of a relationship is going through these stages and if OP uses a light heart approach then the girl shouldn’t act defensive or withdraw, and if she does she probably is too immature.
When the natural progression of a relationship brings you to real feelings of love it's a good time to evaluate the relationship and where you both want to see it go from there. Until that happens, do what feels natural and comfortable for you.
I wouldn't wait for someone else to bring it up though if it was something I was ready to discuss and needed to know where I stand. I don't think handing over total control in a relationship is healthy, smart or will make you any happier. You have every right to have your needs met and have answers to your questions just as much as she/he does. Just be sure to be ready for whatever answer you get.
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