Do you stay with someone you love but not fiscally reliable? (married, women)
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You’re in a situation where you’re in a very loving relationship and want to move a good living together but what would you do if your significant other had a history of somewhat miss managing their money? They generally pay their bills on time but they seem to barely break even at the end of the month and sometimes are in a bit of a hole. On paper they shouldn’t be struggling like this and they don’t gamble or spend money on luxury items. They just seem to be a bit behind sometimes.
You on the other hand are very budget conscious and you’ve never found yourself in this type of situation and budget so well that you save money. Would you trust this person to live with you even if they have a hard time in any particular month paying other bills in full and they even run slightly behind? You’re going to be relying on this other person to pay her share of the household expenses and expect them to live up to their promise to you without any excuse at any time. If they claim they become much more responsible and they’re in good shape do you trust them? What would you not allow them to move in or possibly break up due to financial incompatibility if you’ve given them multiple chances to address the issue? What if this same person used money that belonged to his elderly mother even if she didn’t need it at the present time?
Last edited by Seekingresponsible; 06-11-2019 at 06:55 AM..
You’re in a situation where you’re in a very loving relationship and want to move a good living together but what would you do if your significant other had a history of somewhat miss managing their money? They generally pay their bills on time but they seem to barely break even at the end of the month and sometimes are in a bit of a hole. On paper they shouldn’t be struggling like this and they don’t gamble or spend money on luxury items. They just seem to be a bit behind sometimes.
You on the other hand are very budget conscious and you’ve never found yourself in this type of situation and budget so well that you save money. Would you trust this person to live with you even if they have a hard time in any particular month paying other bills in full and they even run slightly behind? You’re going to be relying on this other person to payher share of the household expenses and expect them to live up to their promise to you without any excuse at any time. If they claim they become much more responsible and they’re in good shape do you trust them? What would you not allow them to move in or possibly break up due to financial incompatibility if you’ve given them multiple chances to address the issue? What if this same person used money that belonged to his elderly mother even if she didn’t need it at the present time?
People who make enough money for their responsibilities in life, but find themselves behind on bills or unable to save money are not just fiscally irresponsible, they are not responsible people in general.
I wouldn’t want anything that legally ties me to them or hold me responsible for their actions.
I could love you dearly as a person, but I’m not going to make myself responsible for your inability to control your bad habits and behaviors.
You’re in a situation where you’re in a very loving relationship and want to move a good living together but what would you do if your significant other had a history of somewhat miss managing their money? They generally pay their bills on time but they seem to barely break even at the end of the month and sometimes are in a bit of a hole. On paper they shouldn’t be struggling like this and they don’t gamble or spend money on luxury items. They just seem to be a bit behind sometimes.
You on the other hand are very budget conscious and you’ve never found yourself in this type of situation and budget so well that you save money. Would you trust this person to live with you even if they have a hard time in any particular month paying other bills in full and they even run slightly behind? You’re going to be relying on this other person to pay her share of the household expenses and expect them to live up to their promise to you without any excuse at any time. If they claim they become much more responsible and they’re in good shape do you trust them? What would you not allow them to move in or possibly break up due to financial incompatibility if you’ve given them multiple chances to address the issue? What if this same person used money that belonged to his elderly mother even if she didn’t need it at the present time?
Well, BEFORE you move together you need to discuss finances and money management and make decision about how bills will be paid and who will be responsible for paying them. In this case, the best would be to decide what part of his paycheck goes to accommodate his living expenses, and that will be deducted every pay period. Or decide what he is going to pay from his paycheck and what you, and stick to it.
Some people are not good with budgeting and wouldn't mind to let the partner take care of the expenses.
If you're going to rent, make sure that both names are on the lease, so you wouldn't be stuck with bills and no way out. Try a short lease, if possible. Just in case the relationship won't work out.
Money issues are common in a relationship, but if things are delineated and agreed to in advance, you can avoid common money arguments.
The budget talk needs to be done BEFORE he moves into your place or you to his.
BTW: there are other things you need to discuss too, like sharing household duties (cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking etc.)
If either of you have pets, a chat about your household's pet policy is also important here - who is responsible for the pet care and medical bills, for instance.
Or what are your thoughts on having guests over?
Chances are, your partner has some pet peeves and idiosyncrasies of their own, so make sure you know them before you move in.
This last thing is kind of a bummer, but it's incredibly important. Hopefully you'll never have to test it, but before you take the step of moving in together, you need to know what it will mean - financially and logistically - if the living together situation doesn't work out. You both should have a clear understanding - ideally in writing - of which assets you retain (from puppies to property)... Seriously. This will make it easier to split amicably if that unfortunately happens...
the reason an otherwise delightful relationship was ended--he didn't want the responsibility & didn't want a discussion about handling it for the sake of two people. he actually wanted to get married without a foundation for this issue.
Lol! So appreciative that my inner circle of friends do not judge me on my bank account. Be it meager funded or barely making ends meet. Not financially responsible though? Hmmm...I beg to differ. But then I'm not living to meet societies conditions and definitions. I pay and understand that some of us do the best we can to live amongst the intolerant.
Yes I've resided with a person who barely got by. Enjoyed them for dealing with it as best they could. It would be a deal breaker if they were blowing it on pot or chicks. Even us financially challenged have some self respect.
Someone who isn't financially responsible is a deal breaker for me. They don't need to have a great job or savings, but do need to be able to live on their own, within their means, and lead a "normal" life - like afford a car, groceries, health insurance, rent, and utilities. (IMO, this applies to both men and women.) Otherwise, they can become a financial burden, and that often leads to a falling out. Avoid that from the start.
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