Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
...if some things that weren't fair happened at work with a vindictive attention seeking co-worker who was a female, it may make a guy pause and reflect on his actions at work to make sure nothing he was doing was out of line. He did that, wasn't proven to be at fault. After that, now is it logical to project that into the datingworld and view women all the same? "I can't approach in a romantic relationship sense because...MeToo one time one lady out of alllll ladies did something to me. And she was proven wrong. At work."
What about all of the ladies you have tried to ask out who weren't at work and weren't crazy, what is your model for considering the statics there? All of them? 50%? Or just don't go there because you're afraid, know it's not justified, so....wimmenz.
I highlighted the two pertinent bits. We're not talking about the dating world, this thread is specifically about the work world. The work world is not the dating world. That's something that MeToo has really worked to define...that workplace relationships are not kosher because of the compulsory nature of employment. Whether the relationship is customer-employee, coworker-coworker, or boss-subordinate, I believe it must be kept professional, and to do otherwise is to potentially put one party into a position of feeling threatened and offended with having no recourse but to either accept the behavior or to stick their neck out and complain about it.
Outside of work, as I've said, I'm willing to take (and have taken) the risk of asking women out. I don't know what you mean by statistics. But, yes, the possibility that what I'm doing could make her feel threatened and offended is in the back of my mind, sharpened by decades of my failure in this avenue. As a result I am still very mindful of what I'm saying and doing, especially about physical contact. I have a strong desire for physical contact. I'm very self-conscious about it, and I tend to clamp down on it and err on the side of hands-off because I worry that if I indulge it I would be seen as That Creepy Touchy-Feely Guy.
Despite this, I've asked out plenty of women. I spent a year looking for opportunities to "put myself out there" like all of the advice says and take my shot. More recently I've tried to re-orient my life around different priorities, so I have not been nearly as active. I've also re-calibrated my sense of what interest from a woman might look like, specifically excising "polite and friendly" behavior (since that's the extent of how women interact with me, and my assuming that their politeness and friendliness meant they were interested got me shot down over and over). As a result, no, I'm not very active now, but it's not because of MeToo. It's because I was unhappy and felt like I was spinning my tires in chasing the dating scene. It's been over six months since I asked a woman out, but I would again if I met one that I was interested in and in whom I read genuine interest in me (as opposed to chasing the pyrite of "polite and friendly" again).
i went back to lowes, i saw a cute girl again, couldnt do it, went back to car and burst into tears, on top of that, i got home, my mom has to nerve to say you didnt talk to that girl did you? i said no and also said thanks vote of confidence, which im probably never going to have, im in a very bad place right now and im still hurting right now.
i went back to lowes, i saw a cute girl again, couldnt do it, went back to car and burst into tears, on top of that, i got home, my mom has to nerve to say you didnt talk to that girl did you? i said no and also said thanks vote of confidence, which im probably never going to have, im in a very bad place right now and im still hurting right now.
Sorry that your mom didn't have your back.
Don't let it influence your outlook overall. It's just one setback, and the good news is that the girl at Lowe's has no idea you're going through all this.
Just take baby steps. Practice chatting with cashiers, no matter their age etc, when you're buying stuff just to get better at that process. Do something today to get your mind off it.
And maybe share less with your mom since you know she's not exactly being helpful.
Don't let it influence your outlook overall. It's just one setback, and the good news is that the girl at Lowe's has no idea you're going through all this.
Just take baby steps. Practice chatting with cashiers, no matter their age etc, when you're buying stuff just to get better at that process. Do something today to get your mind off it.
And maybe share less with your mom since you know she's not exactly being helpful.
yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.
yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.
it's really painful right now.
Maybe you should focus on being more social in general, finding an activity to do and people to hang out with, rather than trying to jump right into asking a stranger out on a date.
yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.
it's really painful right now.
I am so sorry you are going through this. PLease seek counseling. Having no friends is bad. And as much as they sound like jerks, people don't stay with downer friends. Friends is where to start.
So, which is it? Socially normal, intelligent, confident man, or scummy, creepy, stalker-ish man? People in this thread can't even agree
The posts you chose appear to disagree, because some quotes are taken out of context. For example, I was not talking about approaching service staff while they're on the job, when I spoke of "confident guys" and shy guys. I meant the comment to be taken in general about one's social life, and approaching women in appropriate contexts.
I respectively disagree with you on the bolded because i think it's extreme. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying this ^ guy should follow this ^ woman around the store, planning ways to meet her in the aisle, that IS stalkerish. I agree.
I understood the bolded to mean ANY time ANY guy wants to talk to a woman he doesn't know because he's attracted, it is stalking. IF thats how you meant it, does that include clubs, bars, and college parties too? Does it include college classrooms (alot of ppl who didnt know each other connect there)? Alot (not all but alot) of relationships/marriages would never start under such circumstances.
It's not about talking to women. It's about making efforts to go farther than that, when knowing absolutely nothing about the woman. By talking to them, you get to know them; you find out if you share any common interests, you may even find out they're not even in your generation age-wise, or that they have multiple professional degrees while you're a cashier with a HS or a CC degree.
. But asking out or getting too personal with someone you know nothing about is difficult to understand. So you ask out a complete stranger; what if you find out there's no conversation topics you have in common? What if you find out her personality grates on you? I can't fathom this concept of getting so invested in a complete stranger, that you think you want to go out with them.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-26-2019 at 11:41 AM..
I highlighted the two pertinent bits. We're not talking about the dating world, this thread is specifically about the work world. The work world is not the dating world. That's something that MeToo has really worked to define.
I feel, yet again, to highlight that MeToo has exactly NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
