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The assumption was made OP’s boyfriend could afford to spend the money on her (by various posts throughout this thread). If he couldn’t afford it, then his poor spending habits and lack of financial responsibility would be the red flag within the relationship - lol.
If controlling (or abusive) behavior exists, it will be identifiable beyond money (or a lack thereof). A man’s bank account (full or empty) or his generosity (or lack thereof) doesn’t automatically translate to ‘controlling’.
You were referring to demonizing wealthy men, mischaracterizing men who have a lot of money and want to spend it on their girlfriends, not the actual behavior that is being referred to as controlling.
He is controlling who pays. Even when she tries to pay, he pays her back. It wasn’t the point of him having a lot of money, or people thinking they have to have equal incomes, that wasn’t addressed. The actual controlling behavior is what is recognized as controlling.
She can accept it if she likes, but she came here instead.
You were referring to demonizing wealthy men, mischaracterizing men who have a lot of money and want to spend it on their girlfriends, not the actual behavior that is being referred to as controlling.
He is controlling who pays. Even when she tries to pay, he pays her back. It wasn’t the point of him having a lot of money, or people thinking they have to have equal incomes, that wasn’t addressed. The actual controlling behavior is what is recognized as controlling.
She can accept it if she likes, but she came here instead.
I get that - if he is forcing it on her, sure. That said, OP has the option to walk from the relationship if she isn’t happy (or feels that ‘guilty’) - and it still comes down to how she is treated in the relationship (and other factors), not who is paying for what.
I get that - if he is forcing it on her, sure. That said, OP has the option to walk from the relationship if she isn’t happy (or feels that ‘guilty’) - and it still comes down to how she is treated in the relationship (and other factors), not who is paying for what.
But that’s what her OP is about, she said he is insisting. This isn’t about addressing or asking what we think about “other behaviors”. She doesn’t have to chose to walk out, it was just a question.
But that’s what her OP is about, she isn’t addressing or asking what we think about “other behaviors”. She doesn’t have to chose to walk out, either.
I didn’t state she had to choose anything - lol. I simply stated it is a logical option if she isn’t happy (and that it, of course, should depend on other factors in the relationship other than her ‘feeling bad’ about him paying for everything). Perhaps this is going in circles needlessly.
The health of a relationship is based on much more than who pays for what - or at least it should be (yet many of the posts seem to make the leap in the opposite direction).
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this morally, practically or in anyway... unless it does not work out. I would not advise any young person to go this route, personally.
And yet, you're OK with him doing this very thing to her.
The OP doesn't seem to come from a place of "I want to pay, it's my pleasure" but from a place of "I feel obligated to pay because of ...XYZ-ology..." There's a difference petu.
If the OP isn't careful she'll find herself with a man that insists on her paying then she'll really have a reason for a "woe is me" thread.
Who knows if it is the right life with the right person. The OP hasn’t returned to this thread or given us enough information to determine if it is the right life with the right person. All we know right now is that it makes her uncomfortable. She hasn’t told us her income vs. his income or discussed his ability to pay. If she is a high-earning professional or earns roughly what he makes, she might not feel comfortable with this sort of behavior. I just can’t imagine a situation where you are say, a high-paid physician or banker dating a man who insists on paying for you all the time. That really makes no sense.
My boyfriend insists on paying for almost everything. I feel really bad because I don’t expect him to be the one paying all the time. The last three weekend trips we had, I booked the room and paid since I should at least pay for some of the expenses. And yet he still asks me how much I paid so he can pay for it. I told him it’s fine and that I am okay spending since it’s only fair. Question is do guys like spending money on their girlfriends? Do you think that a guy should always pay in a relationship? Thoughts?
P.S. I had my car broken into recently and my windows were busted. Boyfriend took care of everything and paid for the repairs. He was the one insisted even though he didn’t have to.
I think I can see how this could make someone uncomfortable. I can imagine if it were me it would make me feel indebted to the person. I might be more hesitant to disagree with him about things, Id almost feel like he were buying my time.
In a marriage it makes more sense, in a marriage everything is co owned pretty much. No mine vs. yours.
But in dating, I would feel there were implied conditions to his paying for everything.
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