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I would end it.The fact that even though you spend most of your time over at HIS place and he STILL thinks he needs to see how you are while living together is just an lie. You're right...by this time he SHOULD know how you are around his place since you spend so much time there.End it,focus only on your studies and I'm sure afterwards you will find someone who is serious about marriage.
So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.
Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. He said we need to be living together first before he knows he is sure about me! He said he wanted to know how I am around the house and stuff, if i'll clean after myself etc. I'm not rushing to get married or anything. I have a lot of plans for myself and I enjoy where I'm at right now. But I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!! And we are together almost everyday! I'm pretty sure he knows how I am around his apartment.. Am I over thinking or am I being reasonable? I pretty much just stayed quiet in the car because I didn't know what to say......
I don't know what to tell him. What would you guys do in this situation?
My husband and I were together for 8 years (lived together for 6 1/2 years) before he proposed, so I'm not as certain as some that he doesn't have intentions of proposing. I would also take with a grain of salt the advice to end the relationship before you've even had a non-jokingly-spurred-by-a-comment-from-a-random-stranger conversation. At this point, I don't think OP needs to douse the relationship with gasoline and set a match to it.
Since you're in no hurry to get married or even live together but his response has made you nervous, what you do need to do is have a discussion about the future of your relationship, it's trajectory, and a loose timeline if that's a concern for you.
Right? It does seem to be the general consensus that people assume she wants to get married. I’m not sure she said that though... but now she knows and has to deal with it.
So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.
If you own a home, even with your sister, why can't he move in with you?
Right? It does seem to be the general consensus that people assume she wants to get married. I’m not sure she said that though... but now she knows and has to deal with it.
I want to know how she is going to extricate herself from home ownership with her sister, too. She also seems hurt in what very well might have been part teasing and not serious “I need to see if you can clean up after yourself” when she said she was teasing in the first place as well “I jokingly asked him why he hasn’t proposed after all these years.”
It's an excuse to put you off track. He knows you won't be able to do anything about it (the not living together) for years, until after your nursing program (how long a program is it, btw?), so he knows he won't have to re-visit the question until after you're done and have moved in with him awhile. How long a while will he require, at that point, to check out your housekeeping skills? ( Such a ridiculous criterion at this point. He can see how your housekeeping is at your own house) That could go on indefinitely, too. 6 months? A year?
I hate manipulative people. My inclination is always to call their bluff. Following that line of reasoning, I'd advise you keep an eye out for any cute, interesting non-commitment-phobic guys in your nursing program to take up with. But I realize that's way to0 radical, so instead, I suggest you raise the issue again, and when he reiterates his position, invite him to your house for an inspection. See what he says. If you're ready for the potential fallout, confront him at that point in the conversation, about making a ridiculous excuse. This will likely provoke a fight, but it's a fight that needs to happen, so you know where you stand.
It's an excuse to put you off track. He knows you won't be able to do anything about it (the not living together) for years, until after your nursing program (how long a program is it, btw?), so he knows he won't have to re-visit the question until after you're done and have moved in with him awhile. How long a while will he require, at that point, to check out your housekeeping skills? ( Such a ridiculous criterion at this point. He can see how your housekeeping is at your own house) That could go on indefinitely, too. 6 months? A year?
I hate manipulative people. My inclination is always to call their bluff. Following that line of reasoning, I'd advise you keep an eye out for any cute, interesting non-commitment-phobic guys in your nursing program to take up with. But I realize that's way to0 radical, so instead, I suggest you raise the issue again, and when he reiterates his position, invite him to your house for an inspection. See what he says. If you're ready for the potential fallout, confront him at that point in the conversation, about making a ridiculous excuse. This will likely provoke a fight, but it's a fight that needs to happen, so you know where you stand.
If anything, OP is the manipulative and non committed one here.
Quote:
Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. He said we need to be living together first before he knows he is sure about me! He said he wanted to know how I am around the house and stuff, if i'll clean after myself etc. I'm not rushing to get married or anything. I have a lot of plans for myself and I enjoy where I'm at right now. But I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!! And we are together almost everyday! I'm pretty sure he knows how I am around his apartment.. Am I over thinking or am I being reasonable? I pretty much just stayed quiet in the car because I didn't know what to say......
Are you saying she is lying three or four times in this paragraph?
Are you saying she is lying three or four times in this paragraph?
OK, ask the OP if she's sure about him. Do her plans for herself include eventual marriage with her bf? I assume so. But sure, she should find out if he was just kidding or not, as you suggested earlier.
Right? It does seem to be the general consensus that people assume she wants to get married. I’m not sure she said that though... but now she knows and has to deal with it.
Not an assumption at all.
THe whole point of her thread --
5 years and no proposal.....
So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.
Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. H
I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!!
Although she is fine with her life right now, she doesn't know where she stands re marriage.
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Such a ridiculous criterion at this point. He can see how your housekeeping is at your own house) That could go on indefinitely, too. 6 months? A year? 
