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Really simple solution here, OP; chat with the women who don't get hit on much, if at all. Super-simple solution. I guarantee you won't get the extreme type of reaction you did with the lost-wallet woman.
Rather a silly thing to state. How does one even know this without having to be a mind reader? LOL The woman was simply an unappreciative B-word. I take he didn't get a thank you for getting her wallet.
When she realized he had done something nice, she didn't even apologize for giving him an attitude.
People for the most part can do Much to improve appearance
Accept me as I am is a poor plan of operation
Bars are where people appear to be attractive and never are
If they were would they go to bars?
Did it ever occur to you that it was your good character that repulses people in bars?
Bars are full of people that throw away streak and eat old hot dogs
Rather a silly thing to state. How does one even know this without having to be a mind reader? LOL The woman was simply an unappreciative B-word. I take he didn't get a thank you for getting her wallet.
When she realized he had done something nice, she didn't even apologize for giving him an attitude.
Yes, of course. No question, she was rude and extreme. But the OP probably drew the correct conclusion; she gets hit on a lot, and is fed up. Or maybe she's been through situations that were more than just getting hit on; maybe some guy/s went too far. Weird stuff can happen. Her level of anger points toward incidents beyond merely getting hit on.
I can see, now, why the OP would be shocked into backing off from women altogether for awhile, and would spend time trying to puzzle things out. And, unless I missed it, she didn't even thank him.
It's easy to guesstimate which women get hit on a lot, and which ones go unnoticed. The ones who look like models, or like good-looking actresses pretending to be ordinary people in TV shows, vs. average Janes. Same as you might guess which men get approached by women fairly regularly, and which don't. Kind of a no-brainer.
Yes, of course. No question, she was rude and extreme. But the OP probably drew the correct conclusion; she gets hit on a lot, and is fed up. Or maybe she's been through situations that were more than just getting hit on; maybe some guy/s went too far. Weird stuff can happen. Her level of anger points toward incidents beyond merely getting hit on.
I can see, now, why the OP would be shocked into backing off from women altogether for awhile, and would spend time trying to puzzle things out. And, unless I missed it, she didn't even thank him.
It's easy to guesstimate which women get hit on a lot, and which ones go unnoticed. The ones who look like models, or like good-looking actresses pretending to be ordinary people in TV shows, vs. average Janes. Same as you might guess which men get approached by women fairly regularly, and which don't. Kind of a no-brainer.
It can be a no-brainer to think that very attractive women don't get hit on in public because men are too intimidated by them to approach them. So there's that.
It can be a no-brainer to think that very attractive women don't get hit on in public because men are too intimidated by them to approach them. So there's that.
It amazes me that anyone manages to get together at all, in this culture. But there's some truth to what you say. I've talked with women, who said, they don't like the type of guys who do show an interest. These are beautiful women, whose looks attract attention. They don't attract the quiet, humble types; they get the guys looking for arm candy, a trophy to show off and control. But they're looking for precisely the type of guy who's intimidated by them; the regular Joes, who would make good family guys.
One of these women deliberately gained weight to make herself chubby, gambling that that might make her less intimidating. It worked, except that the good guy who was attracted to her still couldn't bring himself to approach, so he asked his buddy to be his wing-man. That worked, and they eventually married and both were thrilled.
That's sad; that beautiful women would have to fatten themselves up just to attract the kind of down-to-earth good guy, that they seek for a life partner.
It amazes me that anyone manages to get together at all, in this culture. But there's some truth to what you say. I've talked with women, who said, they don't like the type of guys who do show an interest. These are beautiful women, whose looks attract attention. They don't attract the quiet, humble types; they get the guys looking for arm candy, a trophy to show off and control. But they're looking for precisely the type of guy who's intimidated by them; the regular Joes, who would make good family guys.
One of these women deliberately gained weight to make herself chubby, gambling that that might make her less intimidating. It worked, except that the good guy who was attracted to her still couldn't bring himself to approach, so he asked his buddy to be his wing-man. That worked, and they eventually married and both were thrilled.
That's sad; that beautiful women would have to fatten themselves up just to attract the kind of down-to-earth good guy, that they seek for a life partner.
Speaking from experience, so many guys think that just having a bunch of options and getting "attention," should be "enough" and that means you shouldn't have any trouble. That couldn't be further from the truth. If the attention isn't coming from one person in particular (someone that woman is actually interested in) all that "attention" can be a slap in the face. There are probably quite a few "beautiful" women who have remained single for a very long time because people just assume they're stuck up, already have a bf/are married, etc. If she does take the initiative and approach, those guys may not take her seriously or they may not even be that into her (that happens too). It's not all black and white. Being attractive/getting attention does not guarantee a good relationship.
I've described this in a previous post. I was in the produce section of a supermarket, bagging vegetables (or fruit,) and as I turned around to put it in my cart, I see a woman who was walking through the area behind me, drop a wallet out of her purse as she's heading toward the check stand. I said "excuse me, miss?" but she didn't seem to hear me; she was in a hurry. I picked up the wallet, caught up with her and said "excuse me, miss?" (I didn't touch her,) and she spun around, to the side, put her hand in my face and said "I don't THINK so!!" At first, I was confused, but quickly realized that she thought I was going to hit on her, and I told her she dropped her wallet. She grabbed it and stormed off. It occurred to me later that she must get hit on all the time, and then it started to open my eyes to a phenomenon that I had been mostly oblivious to: that if someone gets hit on all the time, she probably ends up putting her guard up against inevitable advances from men. This revelation shed new light on moments from my adult life up to that point that had been baffling. Moments of women being uncomfortable or put off by my presence, in college, and so forth. This revelation became the catalyst for about ten years of experimentation, research, and observation and ultimately I formulated this theory that we're all talking about here.
I apologize for having missed that post. That reaction does seem odd. She may have misheard you, you may have been too close (some of us have been sensitive about our personal space before the pandemic), or maybe she just has "issues."
Are you a particularly big or tall guy, by any chance? It can be easy for a big or tall man to inadvertently intimidate people. My brothers are quite tall and had reactions because of it when they were younger, including college.
... So, in the spirit of that, when you, personally, make contact with men in public places, how and why do you choose to do so? What triggers you making contact, and how do you decide who to make contact with?
Rather than even trying to unpack the entirety of your post...I will at least answer this question.
If I find myself in public and I am bored, and I'm around others especially in a manner where we won't be going in different directions in the next few minutes, I might feel like talking to somebody to pass the time. Example I can think of that illustrates this setting well: I am waiting for work to be done on my car, it's gonna take a while, and I'm stuck sitting there in the waiting area. My phone dies and all of the magazines lying around are manly man gearhead rags of zero interest to me. I look around. One time it was the owner of the shop behind the counter, I struck up a conversation with him. I had an idea of what I felt like having a conversation about, and steered it in that direction. We had a very enjoyable exchange for a good 2 hours, the only two people in the room. He seemed happy for the diversion and I know I was. I was not attracted to him, not flirting with him, he did not flirt with me, we did not exchange contact info or make any plan to ever see one another again. He was married and I was taken. But we did discuss...Relationships! Including topics of sexuality. Much the same reason I post heavily here, I find the subject interesting.
When standing in lines for concerts, I usually start conversations with everyone around me. It's easy, we're there to see the same band. And I have stories to tell about my many times seeing them and I would warmly greet the first timers. I've made a ton of friends in lines at concerts. Of course, I would be there early, usually hanging out in that line for at least an hour, maybe much longer. It is then nice to have a bunch of new friends who have my back to some degree in the moshpit.
Sometimes I crack off little observational chatter initiation attempts in various public settings. Sometimes I get a cold response, without words someone saying, "I don't feel comfortable chatting with you." So I stop, then. Sometimes I get smiles, warmth, and an exchange. I couldn't say what percentage of either I get, nor what gender the people were...I'm never doing this with an agenda, so I just do it with anyone, whenever I feel like it.
There are a lot of times in this forum over the years where I've felt like a poster had skipped class and paid someone else to take their finals when it came to Humaning 101, metaphorically speaking. I'm sorry though, that this ability that I take for granted is such a struggle for others. I imagine it makes life a lot harder. I don't know if you are putting off a vibe, or if it's a social chill where you live (I lived in Northern VA for many years, and it's definitely harder to chat up strangers there)...but I just do not see it as anywhere near a universal truth that women go around, all of us, feeling big feelings of alarm whenever a stranger, or even any male stranger, speaks to us. Granted, I'll feel that way if I get the sense that a guy wants something from me. I can't explain why it can feel that way, but it's a sense that is almost always right...they are about to ask for a phone number, or change, or a cigarette, or try to sell me something...you can often tell when someone is just waiting for a shot at you. That guy at the mall kiosk who harasses every shopper who walks by, or the cable salesman parked at Walmart. People who feel like walking infomercials for something are offputting, certainly.
And I would say that men who are unusually big or tall, or not hygienic, or who have a scruffy, disreputable look, will probably get colder reactions, and sadly too, there are women in this country who have innate fear of men of other races, too. I hate that this is true, but I've seen enough videos... And I have known multiple black men who told me with great sadness that their deepest wish was that women did not act like they were afraid of them. That breaks my heart. So I know that is definitely a thing. If at any time I indicate that you might have some common denominator factor going on, I am not just saying it's anything wrong with you or that you're doing wrong....you may just have the misfortune to land on the wrong side of some people's ignorance.
It amazes me that anyone manages to get together at all, in this culture. But there's some truth to what you say. I've talked with women, who said, they don't like the type of guys who do show an interest. These are beautiful women, whose looks attract attention. They don't attract the quiet, humble types; they get the guys looking for arm candy, a trophy to show off and control. But they're looking for precisely the type of guy who's intimidated by them; the regular Joes, who would make good family guys.
One of these women deliberately gained weight to make herself chubby, gambling that that might make her less intimidating. It worked, except that the good guy who was attracted to her still couldn't bring himself to approach, so he asked his buddy to be his wing-man. That worked, and they eventually married and both were thrilled.
That's sad; that beautiful women would have to fatten themselves up just to attract the kind of down-to-earth good guy, that they seek for a life partner.
It's always been kind of ??? to me about which women get which kinds of attention....
I don't think that I am unattractive. I don't think that I'm hot enough to be super invested in my looks, but I know people who find me to be cute or good looking and I have never struggled to get any kind of partnership, be it casual or long term. So I figure I'm about average. I can dress it up and turn heads if I try, but I almost never put much effort into that. I'm kinda gothy, nerdy, tomboyish I guess. And yeah, I'm 41, but I'm speaking to my experience across my whole adult life.
Despite never having trouble finding an abundance of partnership options, I don't have men trailing around after me constantly. I don't get lots of obnoxious messages on Facebook, or other sites I'm on. I don't have men constantly catcalling or trying to flirt with me everywhere. But I know women who do. And objectively, they are not "hotter" (by standards very heavily weighted with cultural assumption or social conditioning) than I am. To pin it down I guess, I've known some pretty heavy ladies who get a LOT of interest and attention. But they do tend to wear makeup and put more effort into appearances than I do.
I have a friend on Facebook who mocks men nonstop for their efforts to message her, often lewd or clumsy attempts so they can be funny, but I'm just like, "Where are you getting all these dudes? What's up with this?" Because I can go years without a single one. I imagine it's because I do have some privacy settings, and on other sites I emphasize the fact that I'm happily married.
But I also wonder how much of it is like an effect we saw with a certain poster here (I'm not gonna call ya out, guy but you know who you are) who tried to initiate something with a heavyset lady and got upset when she wasn't interested...like they figure they're safe from rejection due to the fallacious thinking of looks matching? When in reality those gals probably get more attention than they think?
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