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For me if someone *invites* me to go out on a date, I expect them to pay. If I want a buddy then it wouldn't be a date. Old-fashioned? Yep. But nothing screams "cheap arse" than a guy who wants to date but expects his date to pay her own way. That's really not courtship (IMO).
That type of courtship is borne out of a time when women couldn't have careers.
However, in 2019, my sister makes probably over 3 times what I make and she supports her artist husband and their two kids.
You 'could' be the type of person who expects the man to pay for all dates when he's courting you, but then later you're supporting the bulk (or all) of the household because you have the high paying career, but that would be a little odd...
Wow, I must be old....and old fashioned. I can't imagine asking a woman to pay for her own dinner if I asked her out. I'd rather just hang a sign around my neck saying, "I'm CHEAP".
In a practical sense, virtually no guys will ask a woman to pay on the 1st date. And that includes me.
But the logic behind it doesn't make sense. It's something that 'people are used to' and do because 'that's how things are'.
What you're really asking me to do is suppress my feeling that women should have every right that men have, including the right to ask out men as often as they are asked out, and not be seen as something less.
I will say that in 2019, if you ask in the right way, it could be considered a good way for men to screen out less progressive women, if that is what they are after.
That type of courtship is borne out of a time when women couldn't have careers.
This is a really good point!
Anyone notice, that in 6 pages, the OP hasn't returned to explain why he wants his date to pay half, on their first date? It would help to understand his mindset.
Anyone notice, that in 6 pages, the OP hasn't returned to explain why he wants his date to pay half, on their first date? It would help to understand his mindset.
Maybe he realized he’s the one who asked her to go out on a date, then expected her to pay half. Did she get to pick the place? Or did he take on all the traditionally masculine roles and then expect her to respond progressively and pay?
Know what would be really funny? If a guy asks you on a date, picks the place without any input, tries to order for you or suggest what you’ll like... then gets miffed when you don’t get your wallet out.
Anyone notice, that in 6 pages, the OP hasn't returned to explain why he wants his date to pay half, on their first date? It would help to understand his mindset.
People post things to stir the pot all the time.
I've seen some really cheap people on CD, including people who make their friends pay for gas when they give them rides, and it's pretty fair to say that even THOSE guys likely offer to pay for the first several dates. I mean what it is that? $160. Give me a break. Who will not pay that? Maybe 1-2% of guys are that cheap.
It's just tradition, and it's hard for men to get dates, and men don't want to screw it up.
But what you're really doing as a woman when you're thinking 'this guy pays my $30 or no 2nd date' is re-inforcing a tenet that 'men are not men' unless they can 'take care of women'.
And when a man thinks that ... well, he's get the power...
A lot of women expect a man to pay. That's neither good nor bad, it just is. Even women who don't have this expectation, or who don't cling to it, may find it odd if you bring this up. If you do you'll screen out the women you don't want to date, but you'll also likely put off women who would be happy to share costs in general. Why not ease into this topic after getting to know a woman a little better?
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