Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is an excellent book on this subject, called "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. If he and his wife would both read it, I guarantee it would give them very useful new tools to discuss and work to resolve this issue.
Read the book. Not just directing this at the OP, but any couple where the wife in particular seems disconnected with passion and desire and sex has become a disconnect and source of conflict. Read the book, it will help.
I completely and enthusiastically agree about "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Its an amazing book. I can't recommend it highly enough. She is really damn bright and she is also an excellent writer, I have read it a couple of times.
OP. I recognize they symptoms. Your wife is giving you duty sex. She could probably get along without sex but shes carrying out her part of the bargain. She may never grow to enjoy it or want it as much as you. Try to make it fun and accept what you're getting, not complain about what you're not getting. Make sure sex is about love. If its fun for her she might want it more. Ie Put emphasis on her enjoyment and you just might get more fun too.
For many men, porn addiction causes them to be unsatisfied with their sex life.
The deeper you get into pornography, the more you will be unsatisfied with your partner.
Agreed. Porn can have it's place, and for many people it is a turn on... but for others it is not. It can have entertainment value, or curiosity about acts that a person doesn't actually want to try but are curious about the mechanics of it.
Me, I'm too analytical to be titilated by it; I get tripped by thoughts of "That looks really unsanitary" or "Who has to clean all that up afterwards?" or "Geez, how many lines of blow did it take to get through that scene?"
Tl, dr. As I explained to my teenage son "Porn is not sex ed. The actors are being paid to look like they are enjoying it, so please don't make the mistake of thinking your average woman is into having her [blank] [blanked] with a [blank], while being [blanked]."
Agreed. Porn can have it's place, and for many people it is a turn on... but for others it is not. It can have entertainment value, or curiosity about acts that a person doesn't actually want to try but are curious about the mechanics of it.
Me, I'm too analytical to be titilated by it; I get tripped by thoughts of "That looks really unsanitary" or "Who has to clean all that up afterwards?" or "Geez, how many lines of blow did it take to get through that scene?"
Tl, dr. As I explained to my teenage son "Porn is not sex ed. The actors are being paid to look like they are enjoying it, so please don't make the mistake of thinking your average woman is into having her [blank] [blanked] with a [blank], while being [blanked]."
Not very educational for the masses, if you use 'blanks'
Sex and marriage are two different venues
Trying to have a sex life in a marriage is like trying to pay the rent being an artist
Possible but unlikely for most
The church and family lied to you most sex happens outside marriage
Once the bridle is on the horse there is no need to feed you sugar cubes
I find your post disturbing. It has the feel of you being overly critical and hard to please. Like your wife has to meet these needs that are always moving and changing. Can she ever make you happy? Who knows. You know "true" happiness comes within and I suspect you are projecting your unhappiness on her to make your void feel better. Maybe start with yourself? I don't see anything good coming out of this. I see your expectations as borderline abusive. Work on you, stop trying to change someone else.
I don't say this lightly but I believe your marriage has run its course.
If you are honest with yourself and take a look at your posting history, you are so dissatisfied with your life, and you're taking it out on your wife. You are lost, caught up in the past, can't enjoy the moment and what kind of future can you have in this mindset?
You are critical of her weight. You can't agree on having children. You berate her and fight with her over your sex life. She's not meeting your wants and needs, and honestly, are you meeting any of hers?
Longevity together and losing your virginity to each other is not enough reason to keep this going. For both your sakes, and IMO the kindest thing you could do, is end this.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
