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My guess is that she gets child support payments and/or has another source of income. She could even be collecting unemployment benefits or disability. Not everyone who collects disability will talk about it, a lot of people keep it private.
Like I said, I don't feel this woman's financial affairs are any of the OP's business since he has not asked her to marry him.
On the other hand, he needs to understand how good/bad with money she is BEFORE asking her to marry him. But yeah, thats more of a conversation to have in another 6 months unless she brings it up before. I was very careful not to give advice to the single mom I was dating. She knew I was a money expert, so she could come to me if she wanted. otherwise, I stayed out of it except to loan her money for rent which I will never see again. I consider loaning (giving, essentially) her money a good deed though.
So I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now, and while I do truly enjoy my time with her, there are a couple of things that concern me.
First and foremost, she is a recently divorced single mom with two very energetic kids. About 2 months prior, she quit her admin-type job because she did not like the office politics and work environment. I initially questioned that decision as she has 2 kids to support as well as a mortgage payment with little to no savings. Well 2 months later she is still unemployed and while I know that finding a job without a degree can be a challenge, I don't think she is looking hard enough. I'll text her during the day and apparently she is just hanging around the house doing different odds and ends but not really job searching. I told her to consider taking a temp position so that we she can work her way into something and have cash in her pocket, but she says that is not an option for her.
Long story short is that she's about to lose her house and can't even afford to put gas in her tank. Her family supports her atleast where the kids are concerned, but it's somewhat frustrating because I'm the one that always has to pay for dates and it's kinda tough to tell people that you are dating an unemployed single mother.
Should I be patient or consider leaving the relationship? Your thoughts?
Not sure how old the OP is or the significant other but this whole "I want to see her succeed," and stuff like that puzzles me. A full grown, baked adult should not need to be coached, cajoled or patted on the head for not quitting their job when they have a mortgage and kids to feed. That she walked away from her job speaks volumes.
Not really understanding why someone would hitch themselves to someone who walks away from their source of income and just figures "Oh well, I'll just move in with relatives." She's a keeper because she's happy with a value meal from Burger King and is fun to be around? It sounds like fun = severe immaturity.
If the house is lost and she's on the hook for the payments, that debt will ruin her credit and mean years of paying back debt. Someone who is okay with doing that would scare me off pretty quickly.
So I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now, and while I do truly enjoy my time with her, there are a couple of things that concern me.
First and foremost, she is a recently divorced single mom with two very energetic kids. About 2 months prior, she quit her admin-type job because she did not like the office politics and work environment. I initially questioned that decision as she has 2 kids to support as well as a mortgage payment with little to no savings. Well 2 months later she is still unemployed and while I know that finding a job without a degree can be a challenge, I don't think she is looking hard enough. I'll text her during the day and apparently she is just hanging around the house doing different odds and ends but not really job searching. I told her to consider taking a temp position so that we she can work her way into something and have cash in her pocket, but she says that is not an option for her.
Long story short is that she's about to lose her house and can't even afford to put gas in her tank. Her family supports her atleast where the kids are concerned, but it's somewhat frustrating because I'm the one that always has to pay for dates and it's kinda tough to tell people that you are dating an unemployed single mother.
Should I be patient or consider leaving the relationship? Your thoughts?
You sound like her Dad. Don't tell her what to do or get on her about finding a job or not, texting her during the day to check up. "Hanging around the house".... yeah, with two energetic kids, she's probably got her hands full. She is recently divorced you said, so maybe she is adjusting to being a single mother. If this is what she wants to do with her life, it's none of your business.
You've only known her for 3 months, and it sounds like you are unhappy about things already, and paying for the dates, etc.
So I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now, and while I do truly enjoy my time with her, there are a couple of things that concern me.
First and foremost, she is a recently divorced single mom with two very energetic kids. About 2 months prior, she quit her admin-type job because she did not like the office politics and work environment. I initially questioned that decision as she has 2 kids to support as well as a mortgage payment with little to no savings. Well 2 months later she is still unemployed and while I know that finding a job without a degree can be a challenge, I don't think she is looking hard enough. I'll text her during the day and apparently she is just hanging around the house doing different odds and ends but not really job searching. I told her to consider taking a temp position so that we she can work her way into something and have cash in her pocket, but she says that is not an option for her.
Long story short is that she's about to lose her house and can't even afford to put gas in her tank. Her family supports her atleast where the kids are concerned, but it's somewhat frustrating because I'm the one that always has to pay for dates and it's kinda tough to tell people that you are dating an unemployed single mother.
Should I be patient or consider leaving the relationship? Your thoughts?
Her issues are soon to become your issues. Most likely you will break up regardless. She’s most likely depressed. I wouldn’t date such person.
Do not give her anything on top of $/help you would extend to a single father under similar circumstances. Do not be a simp women prey on. Women are not into reciprocity. Once your current utility is over, it does not really matter what you did for her in the past. You are not scoring any future points with her.
It seems to me the OP is hoping to mold the girlfriend into her living her life the way he would live it. Like being responsible with employment, money, etc. The problem is, she doesn’t seem to be that person. Life lesson #1 - you can’t change someone else. Any woman with 2 young children who quits her job because she doesn’t like the office politics is seriously lacking in good old fashioned common sense.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity to find a job and piece her life back together. Perhaps I give it another month or so and if things don't change for the better than leave.
It sounds like you have 'knight in shining armor' syndrome. If you like trying to control / play the parent role with someone who doesn't want to be controlled/parented, with all the stress and drama that entails, go for it. If you're sane, you'll run--and fast.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 02-09-2020 at 08:42 PM..
But also I question some of the decisions she has made in life that has led up to her present situation.
As you should. Sometimes things happen that are out of people's control. But the older I get, the more I see that those types of circumstances are the exception, and not the rule.
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