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If she's willing to offer it, why taking what is offered a bad thing? What makes him a bad guy?
He told her he doesn't want a relationship. She knows that. He wants a friendship with benefits. If she sleeps with him, he'll assume she wants to have a FWB with him. It's only natural. I'm curious as to why OP keeps talking to him if she's not interested in what he has to offer.
Delete and block his number, delete and unfollow him from your social media, and go hang out with your friends with the time being. When you feel like you're ready to date again, do so. There's lots of men out there for you to meet.
If she's willing to offer it, why taking what is offered a bad thing? What makes him a bad guy?
Because he knows she wants more.
Rather than respecting that and recognizing that their goals are not compatible right now, he continued to seek her out for sex, which is selfish. It's taking advantage of her vulnerable state. Temporary or not, that's not a good-guy trait.
He is, if he continues to try to get it, after she's told him that's not what she wants. As another poster said, that's a disregard of her boundaries.
Worse than that. He wants to cash in on her feelings for him.
I mean I guess can't blame a guy for trying to get what he wants and he was honest about what that is now, but a stand up guy would not toy with her that way.
A guy who had any regard for her would not do that.
[quote=CatCosmos;58156616]I guess Im still reeling from the fact that we had an amazing time when we were together. He called me gods gift to him, said being with me was like looking into a mirror. Said we should get a cabin together, talks about what we were going to do in the future, etc. He would hold me so tight in bed and acted like he was falling deeply in love with me. We had deep talks about spirituality and we agreed on all major topics. Everything was seriously amazing. He took me to the beach and pulled out a picnic from his backpack, he took me on long drives through the wooded trails. We laughed all the time, were super loving and spontaneous together.
Now this? It doesnt make any sense. Im left wondering what the heck I did wrong. Even if it wasnt really my fault, my brain is trying to piece things together.[/quote]
You didn't do anything wrong.
He's still hung up on the ex. He still has feelings for her. He's stressed because he knows that. You, trying to show concern, an picking up on the distancing, you were putting it in his face, and he couldn't handle playing you. When push came to shove, he chose what MIGHT happen with the ex, over you.
It happens a lot. I know it's not much consolation, but it happens a LOT.
Buck up, and don't settle for sloppy seconds. He doesn't deserve another chance.
Should I hang out with him as friends? Hoping it turns into a relationship? What if he really does just need time and friendship right now and Im sitting here thinking hes just using me?
You will hate yourself. Don't do it.
He promised you the moon (basically) before. Now he's telling you he MIGHT want you to spend the night once in awhile, if he's up to it.
Is that good enough for you? I think it's not. Just stop talking, texting, etc. NOW.
He is, if he continues to try to get it, after she's told him that's not what she wants. As another poster said, that's a disregard of her boundaries.
Why doesn't she simply cut off all contact with him?
Maybe she would be partial to having a FWB relationship with this guy, but because she feels like she oughta be in a relationship with a guy first, before she has sex with him, she's trying to convince herself she has romantic feelings for him, and what's to have an official romantic relationship to make it 'proper' to have sex with him?
There's lots of women like that. Women whose upbringing have sadly made them believe they need to have feelings for a man, or that they need to be in a committed relationship with the guy before enjoying themselves ,sexually. I remember this woman who I had been talking to for a month(we'd known each other face-to-face for 3 months prior) who I was trying to have an one-night stand with, but I had to go about it real soft and charming, because, due to the fact that she had been raised in a village with literally 50 people before she moved to Santa Monica Beach, she honestly believed sex without a proverbial ring on it, is wrong.
So she agreeded to the one-night stand but before coming to my apartment, she asked if the liason was going to turn into something else lol.
He’s a bad guy. He told her he does not want a relationship. She said she does not want to be in a FWB relationship but then he immediately texts her to ask for a “cuddle”- not respecting her boundaries.
It is absolutely fine to not be ready to date. It is not okay to not respect her boundaries and keep on expecting her to be an on-demand booty call when she has said upfront that she does not want that.
I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but she explicitly told him she didn't want to be his FWB, and he didn't respect that. It's one thing to ask for casual sex, but if the other person says no and you still push it then yea, you're not a great guy and you definitely don't respect the person in question.
OP, sticking around with this guy will just end in heart break. If he contacts you months down the road and says he's ready for a relationship, then fine (if you're still single) but you shouldn't accept anything less than that.
Why doesn't she simply cut off all contact with him?
Maybe she would be partial to having a FWB relationship with this guy, but because she feels like she oughta be in a relationship with a guy first, before she has sex with him, she's trying to convince herself she has romantic feelings for him, and what's to have an official romantic relationship to make it 'proper' to have sex with him?
There's lots of women like that. Women whose upbringing have sadly made them believe they need to have feelings for a man, or that they need to be in a committed relationship with the guy before enjoying themselves ,sexually. I remember this woman who I had been talking to for a month(we'd known each other face-to-face for 3 months prior) who I was trying to have an one-night stand with, but I had to go about it real soft and charming, because, due to the fact that she had been raised in a village with literally 50 people before she moved to Santa Monica Beach, she honestly believed sex without a proverbial ring on it, is wrong.
So she agreeded to the one-night stand but before coming to my apartment, she asked if the liason was going to turn into something else lol.
I don't think the issue at hand is having sex prior to being in a relationship, I don't see anything wrong with that if both parties are on the same page, however that's not the case here. She was dating him for two months, and I don't think it's absurd for her to have developed feelings for him at this point. Getting into a FWB situation at this point for her would not be healthy, since it would be a downgrade from what they had for the past two months. First off it makes her look desperate (like she'll take any breadcrumbs he's willing to offer), second off it will totally play with her emotions and she will continue to fall harder for him.
For him this may be just about sex, but for her it's not and that's the issue.
Maybe she would be partial to having a FWB relationship with this guy, but because she feels like she oughta be in a relationship with a guy first, before she has sex with him, she's trying to convince herself she has romantic feelings for him, and what's to have an official romantic relationship to make it 'proper' to have sex with him?
No. That's not what she said she wanted. This is what she said about it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatCosmos
I said "So we would be friends with benefits, basically. I cant do that. That would be too painful for me. ..."
They were in a relationship already, and he led her to believe that he had incredibly strong feelings about her.
Your random liaisons aren't relevant to her story.
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