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alright, to start, as the story goes on, there is a lot of guilt I carry about how I handled things, so please try not to judge, bc I recognize my wrongs!!
so i met my ex during my freshman year of college through a friend. they had gone to high school together and i met him over the phone whenever they would call. our personalities vibed right off the bat. we got each others numbers and started texting. I was going through a break up process, and he helped me emotionally reflect and process. he proved himself to be a fantastic friend, first and foremost. that always stood out to me. he and my friend surprised his arrival on campus one day, and we met for the first time. we knew we liked each other, but I didnt want to rush the relationship and he was so patient and good about it. after a few months, I felt ready and we began dating.
the relationship was FANTASTIC. even though it was long distance, we made it work perfectly. he treated me like gold. he did everything he could to make me happy & cared for my friends & family. we held the same values but had enough differences to balance each other out. we laughed together, supported each other, gave each other advice, and were just - happy. so happy. wed have occasional arguments, but we always used them to learn about each others differences and they were "healthy" fights. we almost reached a year of dating, and he broke up with me. his reasoning was unclear, so I pulled a movie move and went to his college as a surprise to talk to him. I knocked on his door without expecting it, and he was pleasantly surprised. he admitted he realized we were starting to get really serious, and he didnt know how to handle it considering he'd never been in a serious relationship before. we talked, and got back together. (no, he didnt feel forced, he said he just got spooked and is glad I fought for him). as we resumed our relationship, things grew and got so much better than we could have imagined; we were getting serious to the point of marriage talk and promise rings. we were SO in love... I still am..
we resumed dating, and everything was back to the way it was, probably even better. but something happened. I had a guy FRIEND back at college, who my ex knew, met and liked, who expressed to me that he had feelings for me. we had been friends who had gotten closer over time; he was in a relationship himself that I helped him deal with, and that ended up ending. I told him I was in a happy relationship and nothing was going to come of it. a few weeks after that, I started to get paranoid - I felt like I was starting to develop feelings for this friend. it eventually got to a point where it was clear I liked him, and I didnt think it was fair to do that to my boyfriend. I spent weeks trying to suppress it, but it wouldnt go away. my boyfriend came to visit me one day, and wanted to give me a promise ring - I said no. I came clean about everything, and he wasn't angry, he was just confused. he appreciated my honesty and told me to think about everything. I turned it down because I didnt think it was okay to take it when I knew I had those feelings. eventually, we broke up. my ex understood, said he wasn't going anywhere, implied he'd wait for me, and wanted me to do what it is I had to do. he wanted me to do what made me happiest.
I pursued a new relationship with this guy friend, and we eventually began dating. little did I know it wasn't what I thought it would be. I left to study abroad and he reveled a side I didnt like. he would get really mad about who I was around during the trip and wanted to know what I was always doing. we had many nights where we would fight because he would be mad over little things. I came back from the trip and everything was okay, but we fought a lot; he would call me names (b word, c word, ****, *****, etc.) and insulted me a lot. one day he'd be so nice, the next he'd be mean. he would question why I would wear certain things, accused me of wearing makeup for other guys, and eventually wanted me to block my ex because he did not want us to communicate. (my ex and I were still talking evert so often just to ask how one another was doing) - I felt like I was trapped, so I did it. I blocked my ex. I shouldn't have.
after that, I found a way to still contact my ex through twitter and we still maintained contact, without my boyfriend knowing. I felt so guilty for doing it, but I felt like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I did not know how to get out it, let alone I didnt feel ready to leave. we started a new school year, and things just felt wrong. the fighting was getting worse - he would get upset about if I was looking in the direction of any male, wanted to check my phone to see what I was doing, and started to get aggressive during arguments. things began falling apart. I was still talking to my ex and we would talk about getting back together, but I didnt know what to do. I was scared. my ex admitted he felt confused and implied there was too much back and forth. my friends and I began to have a falling out. essentially, this new relationship was isolating me. I didnt want to put my ex or my friends through the pain of the abuse and drama anymore, so I began to distance myself. one week I would talk to them, the next there would be no contact.eventually, it stopped. I decided to leave the relationship because I wanted my life back; my ex visited me during the break up and everything was okay, but I just ended up going back to this "guy friend relationship" why? I'm not sure. I still felt attached, and I felt.. under control. after this, my ex and I eventually stopped talking... its been a year now that we haven't spoken. things ended awkwardly.
and now, I'm here. im still in this relationship. the fights have gotten worse... they're aggressive.. the name calling, the insults.. one second he's good and the next he is angry at me for everything. he tells me to shut up, tells me I play the victim, and doesn't like my parents. he takes my phone to check it every time we see each other. and im broken. I feel broken. for a long time I've suppressed my desire for my ex and old friends, but for some reason, I have come to my senses and I desperately want them back. I have dreams almost every night about my ex, us getting back together, etc. I know I need to leave this relationship and pursue them again. but im afraid. im scared they will reject me based on how I treated them, and after breaking up with my boyfriend, I will be terribly alone. don't get me wrong, I want my ex back because... honestly, I love him. and I miss him for him, NOT just bc I feel lonely. I don't know though how he is going to react. I tell myself he might not trust me enough to convene a friendship or relationship again, but I want is so badly. we were serious and I could truly see myself spending my life with him. I want him back. my ex was always close with my family; recently, my mom congratulated him on his graduation and he responded telling her he had moved to our area for his job, hoped to see all of us, and told her to send ME congratulations on my graduation as well. I can't help but feel like he wouldnt go out of his way to say these things unless he cared... maybe its wishful thinking. my parents were FaceTiming some family friends and somehow they accidentally started calling my ex. while he didnt answer, he texted my mom saying he had missed the call and asked if everything was okay, if we needed anything, and ultimately said again he think it would be fun to see all of us. Two of my friends have also randomly reached out to me; one sent me a hand written letter and another texted me. they both said they miss me. I just need to find it within myself to leave this toxic relationship.
based on these details, do you think I should reach out and do you think there is a chance? I love him... and I don't see it going away. I tried moving on and I couldn't. he will always be on my heart and I will always believe he is the one...
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-26-2020 at 08:43 AM..
Reason: Merged 2 threads on same topic.
IMO? No. You need to focus on ending this abusive relationship and work on yourself. You've got a lot to unload and you probably best deal with a professional or an organization to do it. The exbf... While I'm sure you do love him, but he's every bit of an escapism for you now-- and that's not really fair to him. Don't go looking to jump into another relationship... Just get the current one *done*.
alright, to start, as the story goes on, there is a lot of guilt I carry about how I handled things, so please try not to judge, bc I recognize my wrongs!!
so i met my ex during my freshman year of college through a friend. they had gone to high school together and i met him over the phone whenever they would call. our personalities vibed right off the bat. we got each others numbers and started texting. I was going through a break up process, and he helped me emotionally reflect and process. he proved himself to be a fantastic friend, first and foremost. that always stood out to me. he and my friend surprised his arrival on campus one day, and we met for the first time. we knew we liked each other, but I didnt want to rush the relationship and he was so patient and good about it. after a few months, I felt ready and we began dating.
the relationship was FANTASTIC. even though it was long distance, we made it work perfectly. he treated me like gold. he did everything he could to make me happy & cared for my friends & family. we held the same values but had enough differences to balance each other out. we laughed together, supported each other, gave each other advice, and were just - happy. so happy. wed have occasional arguments, but we always used them to learn about each others differences and they were "healthy" fights. we almost reached a year of dating, and he broke up with me. his reasoning was unclear, so I pulled a movie move and went to his college as a surprise to talk to him. I knocked on his door without expecting it, and he was pleasantly surprised. he admitted he realized we were starting to get really serious, and he didnt know how to handle it considering he'd never been in a serious relationship before. we talked, and got back together. (no, he didnt feel forced, he said he just got spooked and is glad I fought for him). as we resumed our relationship, things grew and got so much better than we could have imagined; we were getting serious to the point of marriage talk and promise rings. we were SO in love... I still am..
we resumed dating, and everything was back to the way it was, probably even better. but something happened. I had a guy FRIEND back at college, who my ex knew, met and liked, who expressed to me that he had feelings for me. we had been friends who had gotten closer over time; he was in a relationship himself that I helped him deal with, and that ended up ending. I told him I was in a happy relationship and nothing was going to come of it. a few weeks after that, I started to get paranoid - I felt like I was starting to develop feelings for this friend. it eventually got to a point where it was clear I liked him, and I didnt think it was fair to do that to my boyfriend. I spent weeks trying to suppress it, but it wouldnt go away. my boyfriend came to visit me one day, and wanted to give me a promise ring - I said no. I came clean about everything, and he wasn't angry, he was just confused. he appreciated my honesty and told me to think about everything. I turned it down because I didnt think it was okay to take it when I knew I had those feelings. eventually, we broke up. my ex understood, said he wasn't going anywhere, implied he'd wait for me, and wanted me to do what it is I had to do. he wanted me to do what made me happiest.
I pursued a new relationship with this guy friend, and we eventually began dating. little did I know it wasn't what I thought it would be. I left to study abroad and he reveled a side I didnt like. he would get really mad about who I was around during the trip and wanted to know what I was always doing. we had many nights where we would fight because he would be mad over little things. I came back from the trip and everything was okay, but we fought a lot; he would call me names (b word, c word, ****, *****, etc.) and insulted me a lot. one day he'd be so nice, the next he'd be mean. he would question why I would wear certain things, accused me of wearing makeup for other guys, and eventually wanted me to block my ex because he did not want us to communicate. (my ex and I were still talking evert so often just to ask how one another was doing) - I felt like I was trapped, so I did it. I blocked my ex. I shouldn't have.
after that, I found a way to still contact my ex through twitter and we still maintained contact, without my boyfriend knowing. I felt so guilty for doing it, but I felt like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I did not know how to get out it, let alone I didnt feel ready to leave. we started a new school year, and things just felt wrong. the fighting was getting worse - he would get upset about if I was looking in the direction of any male, wanted to check my phone to see what I was doing, and started to get aggressive during arguments. things began falling apart. I was still talking to my ex and we would talk about getting back together, but I didnt know what to do. I was scared. my ex admitted he felt confused and implied there was too much back and forth. my friends and I began to have a falling out. essentially, this new relationship was isolating me. I didnt want to put my ex or my friends through the pain of the abuse and drama anymore, so I began to distance myself. one week I would talk to them, the next there would be no contact.eventually, it stopped. I decided to leave the relationship because I wanted my life back; my ex visited me during the break up and everything was okay, but I just ended up going back to this "guy friend relationship" why? I'm not sure. I still felt attached, and I felt.. under control. after this, my ex and I eventually stopped talking... its been a year now that we haven't spoken. things ended awkwardly.
and now, I'm here. im still in this relationship. the fights have gotten worse... they're aggressive.. the name calling, the insults.. one second he's good and the next he is angry at me for everything. he tells me to shut up, tells me I play the victim, and doesn't like my parents. he takes my phone to check it every time we see each other. and im broken. I feel broken. for a long time I've suppressed my desire for my ex and old friends, but for some reason, I have come to my senses and I desperately want them back. I have dreams almost every night about my ex, us getting back together, etc. I know I need to leave this relationship and pursue them again. but im afraid. im scared they will reject me based on how I treated them, and after breaking up with my boyfriend, I will be terribly alone. don't get me wrong, I want my ex back because... honestly, I love him. and I miss him for him, NOT just bc I feel lonely. I don't know though how he is going to react. I tell myself he might not trust me enough to convene a friendship or relationship again, but I want is so badly. we were serious and I could truly see myself spending my life with him. I want him back. my ex was always close with my family; recently, my mom congratulated him on his graduation and he responded telling her he had moved to our area for his job, hoped to see all of us, and told her to send ME congratulations on my graduation as well. I can't help but feel like he wouldnt go out of his way to say these things unless he cared... maybe its wishful thinking. my parents were FaceTiming some family friends and somehow they accidentally started calling my ex. while he didnt answer, he texted my mom saying he had missed the call and asked if everything was okay, if we needed anything, and ultimately said again he think it would be fun to see all of us. Two of my friends have also randomly reached out to me; one sent me a hand written letter and another texted me. they both said they miss me. I just need to find it within myself to leave this toxic relationship.
based on these details, do you think I should reach out and do you think there is a chance? I love him... and I don't see it going away. I tried moving on and I couldn't. he will always be on my heart and I will always believe he is the one...
I assume you aren't at school now but are at home?
You need to tell your parents what is going on with the a-hole boyfriend so they can help you set the circumstances to break up with him.
You need to put the idea of the ex in the back of your mind. I know it's tempting to reach out to him, but it's not fair to use him as a life raft while you get your life back on track.
Trust me, it may feel like you do, but there is no way you know that he is the one for you or that you were meant to be together "forever." You don't need to think about "forever" right now. You just need to think about tomorrow and how you will take the steps needed to make your life better. First step: Breaking up with this guy who's mistreating you.
You will be surprised at the relief you feel when you don't have to answer to your a-hole BF anymore.
OP, you distanced the wrong people. Why did you back away from your friends and ex, instead of from the abusive BF? What's stopping you now, from ending the relationship? Obviously, it's not working. That's all you need to say. Why keep fighting? Just end it, block him, and you're free!
Otherwise, this could undermine your studies and your job potential. You were able to break up with him once. You need to do it again, and make it final. Just force yourself to do it, if you have to. You know it's the right thing to do.
If you have health insurance, get counseling to find out why you'd continue a destructive, abusive relationship.
People don’t reveal a side to you- you don’t like- it was there already -to avoid future heart break- learn to see this stuff and avoid it -there are 12 step programs for people whose picker is broken
Best to you
It’s typical for people in abusive relationships to ghost friends and family. That is an outgrowth of the abuse and the abuser manipulates it into happening. So drop the guilt!
You know you need to leave ex or no ex. It sounds like you’re just afraid to be alone. That’s the real issue... but abusers put that thought in your head too. That no one else will want you, that you’re a bad person who does so many things wrong and no one will see you as worth the trouble. After all you’re constantly making him mad and he only stays because he loves you so much right?
It is a lie.
You will not be alone. Your family loves you.
Do not involve the ex. Face your fear of being alone and leave for YOU, because YOU deserve to be treated better despite the seeds of doubt he’s tried to plant in you. He manipulates you into behaviors and then blames you for it. He trains you into being hyper critical and unforgiving of yourself. They always do that. Stop falling for it.
alright, to start, as the story goes on, there is a lot of guilt I carry about how I handled things, so please try not to judge, bc I recognize my wrongs!!
so i met my ex during my freshman year of college through a friend. they had gone to high school together and i met him over the phone whenever they would call. our personalities vibed right off the bat. we got each others numbers and started texting. I was going through a break up process, and he helped me emotionally reflect and process. he proved himself to be a fantastic friend, first and foremost. that always stood out to me. he and my friend surprised his arrival on campus one day, and we met for the first time. we knew we liked each other, but I didnt want to rush the relationship and he was so patient and good about it. after a few months, I felt ready and we began dating.
the relationship was FANTASTIC. even though it was long distance, we made it work perfectly. he treated me like gold. he did everything he could to make me happy & cared for my friends & family. we held the same values but had enough differences to balance each other out. we laughed together, supported each other, gave each other advice, and were just - happy. so happy. wed have occasional arguments, but we always used them to learn about each others differences and they were "healthy" fights. we almost reached a year of dating, and he broke up with me. his reasoning was unclear, so I pulled a movie move and went to his college as a surprise to talk to him. I knocked on his door without expecting it, and he was pleasantly surprised. he admitted he realized we were starting to get really serious, and he didnt know how to handle it considering he'd never been in a serious relationship before. we talked, and got back together. (no, he didnt feel forced, he said he just got spooked and is glad I fought for him). as we resumed our relationship, things grew and got so much better than we could have imagined; we were getting serious to the point of marriage talk and promise rings. we were SO in love... I still am..
we resumed dating, and everything was back to the way it was, probably even better. but something happened. I had a guy FRIEND back at college, who my ex knew, met and liked, who expressed to me that he had feelings for me. we had been friends who had gotten closer over time; he was in a relationship himself that I helped him deal with, and that ended up ending. I told him I was in a happy relationship and nothing was going to come of it. a few weeks after that, I started to get paranoid - I felt like I was starting to develop feelings for this friend. it eventually got to a point where it was clear I liked him, and I didnt think it was fair to do that to my boyfriend. I spent weeks trying to suppress it, but it wouldnt go away. my boyfriend came to visit me one day, and wanted to give me a promise ring - I said no. I came clean about everything, and he wasn't angry, he was just confused. he appreciated my honesty and told me to think about everything. I turned it down because I didnt think it was okay to take it when I knew I had those feelings. eventually, we broke up. my ex understood, said he wasn't going anywhere, implied he'd wait for me, and wanted me to do what it is I had to do. he wanted me to do what made me happiest.
I pursued a new relationship with this guy friend, and we eventually began dating. little did I know it wasn't what I thought it would be. I left to study abroad and he reveled a side I didnt like. he would get really mad about who I was around during the trip and wanted to know what I was always doing. we had many nights where we would fight because he would be mad over little things. I came back from the trip and everything was okay, but we fought a lot; he would call me names (b word, c word, ****, *****, etc.) and insulted me a lot. one day he'd be so nice, the next he'd be mean. he would question why I would wear certain things, accused me of wearing makeup for other guys, and eventually wanted me to block my ex because he did not want us to communicate. (my ex and I were still talking evert so often just to ask how one another was doing) - I felt like I was trapped, so I did it. I blocked my ex. I shouldn't have.
after that, I found a way to still contact my ex through twitter and we still maintained contact, without my boyfriend knowing. I felt so guilty for doing it, but I felt like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I did not know how to get out it, let alone I didnt feel ready to leave. we started a new school year, and things just felt wrong. the fighting was getting worse - he would get upset about if I was looking in the direction of any male, wanted to check my phone to see what I was doing, and started to get aggressive during arguments. things began falling apart. I was still talking to my ex and we would talk about getting back together, but I didnt know what to do. I was scared. my ex admitted he felt confused and implied there was too much back and forth. my friends and I began to have a falling out. essentially, this new relationship was isolating me. I didnt want to put my ex or my friends through the pain of the abuse and drama anymore, so I began to distance myself. one week I would talk to them, the next there would be no contact.eventually, it stopped. I decided to leave the relationship because I wanted my life back; my ex visited me during the break up and everything was okay, but I just ended up going back to this "guy friend relationship" why? I'm not sure. I still felt attached, and I felt.. under control. after this, my ex and I eventually stopped talking... its been a year now that we haven't spoken. things ended awkwardly.
and now, I'm here. im still in this relationship. the fights have gotten worse... they're aggressive.. the name calling, the insults.. one second he's good and the next he is angry at me for everything. he tells me to shut up, tells me I play the victim, and doesn't like my parents. he takes my phone to check it every time we see each other. and im broken. I feel broken. for a long time I've suppressed my desire for my ex and old friends, but for some reason, I have come to my senses and I desperately want them back. I have dreams almost every night about my ex, us getting back together, etc. I know I need to leave this relationship and pursue them again. but im afraid. im scared they will reject me based on how I treated them, and after breaking up with my boyfriend, I will be terribly alone. don't get me wrong, I want my ex back because... honestly, I love him. and I miss him for him, NOT just bc I feel lonely. I don't know though how he is going to react. I tell myself he might not trust me enough to convene a friendship or relationship again, but I want is so badly. we were serious and I could truly see myself spending my life with him. I want him back. my ex was always close with my family; recently, my mom congratulated him on his graduation and he responded telling her he had moved to our area for his job, hoped to see all of us, and told her to send ME congratulations on my graduation as well. I can't help but feel like he wouldnt go out of his way to say these things unless he cared... maybe its wishful thinking. my parents were FaceTiming some family friends and somehow they accidentally started calling my ex. while he didnt answer, he texted my mom saying he had missed the call and asked if everything was okay, if we needed anything, and ultimately said again he think it would be fun to see all of us. Two of my friends have also randomly reached out to me; one sent me a hand written letter and another texted me. they both said they miss me. I just need to find it within myself to leave this toxic relationship.
based on these details, do you think I should reach out and do you think there is a chance? I love him... and I don't see it going away. I tried moving on and I couldn't. he will always be on my heart and I will always believe he is the one...
He is gas lighting you, everything is all your fault, and he will do anything to control you...he puts you down so you lose all confidence...
Get out of this relationship as fast as you can and don't look back, trust me, it will only get worse and he will try to cut you off from all your friends and family so he has more control over you...and he will succeed...believe me....I don't understand us women who fear leaving an abusive relationship...
Don't ever give up who you are for anyone, no one....if someone loves you they wouldn't treat you like this, this isn't love, or even respect...
I think based on the details, you need to stop jumping in and out of relationships...you need to stop feeling like you have to be in a relationship to be successful and do things on your own...if it's meant to be, it will be, regardless, but you need to grow up and stop feeling like you have to be a couple...your hungry right now and you will accept anything that comes along....you are starving for attention, and to be honest, you need to find out why you feel so strongly about needing someone in your life to feel whole.
alright, to start, as the story goes on, there is a lot of guilt I carry about how I handled things, so please try not to judge, bc I recognize my wrongs!!
so i met my ex during my freshman year of college through a friend. they had gone to high school together and i met him over the phone whenever they would call. our personalities vibed right off the bat. we got each others numbers and started texting. I was going through a break up process, and he helped me emotionally reflect and process. he proved himself to be a fantastic friend, first and foremost. that always stood out to me. he and my friend surprised his arrival on campus one day, and we met for the first time. we knew we liked each other, but I didnt want to rush the relationship and he was so patient and good about it. after a few months, I felt ready and we began dating.
the relationship was FANTASTIC. even though it was long distance, we made it work perfectly. he treated me like gold. he did everything he could to make me happy & cared for my friends & family. we held the same values but had enough differences to balance each other out. we laughed together, supported each other, gave each other advice, and were just - happy. so happy. wed have occasional arguments, but we always used them to learn about each others differences and they were "healthy" fights. we almost reached a year of dating, and he broke up with me. his reasoning was unclear, so I pulled a movie move and went to his college as a surprise to talk to him. I knocked on his door without expecting it, and he was pleasantly surprised. he admitted he realized we were starting to get really serious, and he didnt know how to handle it considering he'd never been in a serious relationship before. we talked, and got back together. (no, he didnt feel forced, he said he just got spooked and is glad I fought for him). as we resumed our relationship, things grew and got so much better than we could have imagined; we were getting serious to the point of marriage talk and promise rings. we were SO in love... I still am..
we resumed dating, and everything was back to the way it was, probably even better. but something happened. I had a guy FRIEND back at college, who my ex knew, met and liked, who expressed to me that he had feelings for me. we had been friends who had gotten closer over time; he was in a relationship himself that I helped him deal with, and that ended up ending. I told him I was in a happy relationship and nothing was going to come of it. a few weeks after that, I started to get paranoid - I felt like I was starting to develop feelings for this friend. it eventually got to a point where it was clear I liked him, and I didnt think it was fair to do that to my boyfriend. I spent weeks trying to suppress it, but it wouldnt go away. my boyfriend came to visit me one day, and wanted to give me a promise ring - I said no. I came clean about everything, and he wasn't angry, he was just confused. he appreciated my honesty and told me to think about everything. I turned it down because I didnt think it was okay to take it when I knew I had those feelings. eventually, we broke up. my ex understood, said he wasn't going anywhere, implied he'd wait for me, and wanted me to do what it is I had to do. he wanted me to do what made me happiest.
I pursued a new relationship with this guy friend, and we eventually began dating. little did I know it wasn't what I thought it would be. I left to study abroad and he reveled a side I didnt like. he would get really mad about who I was around during the trip and wanted to know what I was always doing. we had many nights where we would fight because he would be mad over little things. I came back from the trip and everything was okay, but we fought a lot; he would call me names (b word, c word, ****, *****, etc.) and insulted me a lot. one day he'd be so nice, the next he'd be mean. he would question why I would wear certain things, accused me of wearing makeup for other guys, and eventually wanted me to block my ex because he did not want us to communicate. (my ex and I were still talking evert so often just to ask how one another was doing) - I felt like I was trapped, so I did it. I blocked my ex. I shouldn't have.
after that, I found a way to still contact my ex through twitter and we still maintained contact, without my boyfriend knowing. I felt so guilty for doing it, but I felt like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I did not know how to get out it, let alone I didnt feel ready to leave. we started a new school year, and things just felt wrong. the fighting was getting worse - he would get upset about if I was looking in the direction of any male, wanted to check my phone to see what I was doing, and started to get aggressive during arguments. things began falling apart. I was still talking to my ex and we would talk about getting back together, but I didnt know what to do. I was scared. my ex admitted he felt confused and implied there was too much back and forth. my friends and I began to have a falling out. essentially, this new relationship was isolating me. I didnt want to put my ex or my friends through the pain of the abuse and drama anymore, so I began to distance myself. one week I would talk to them, the next there would be no contact.eventually, it stopped. I decided to leave the relationship because I wanted my life back; my ex visited me during the break up and everything was okay, but I just ended up going back to this "guy friend relationship" why? I'm not sure. I still felt attached, and I felt.. under control. after this, my ex and I eventually stopped talking... its been a year now that we haven't spoken. things ended awkwardly.
and now, I'm here. im still in this relationship. the fights have gotten worse... they're aggressive.. the name calling, the insults.. one second he's good and the next he is angry at me for everything. he tells me to shut up, tells me I play the victim, and doesn't like my parents. he takes my phone to check it every time we see each other. and im broken. I feel broken. for a long time I've suppressed my desire for my ex and old friends, but for some reason, I have come to my senses and I desperately want them back. I have dreams almost every night about my ex, us getting back together, etc. I know I need to leave this relationship and pursue them again. but im afraid. im scared they will reject me based on how I treated them, and after breaking up with my boyfriend, I will be terribly alone. don't get me wrong, I want my ex back because... honestly, I love him. and I miss him for him, NOT just bc I feel lonely. I don't know though how he is going to react. I tell myself he might not trust me enough to convene a friendship or relationship again, but I want is so badly. we were serious and I could truly see myself spending my life with him. I want him back. my ex was always close with my family; recently, my mom congratulated him on his graduation and he responded telling her he had moved to our area for his job, hoped to see all of us, and told her to send ME congratulations on my graduation as well. I can't help but feel like he wouldnt go out of his way to say these things unless he cared... maybe its wishful thinking. my parents were FaceTiming some family friends and somehow they accidentally started calling my ex. while he didnt answer, he texted my mom saying he had missed the call and asked if everything was okay, if we needed anything, and ultimately said again he think it would be fun to see all of us. Two of my friends have also randomly reached out to me; one sent me a hand written letter and another texted me. they both said they miss me. I just need to find it within myself to leave this toxic relationship.
based on these details, do you think I should reach out and do you think there is a chance? I love him... and I don't see it going away. I tried moving on and I couldn't. he will always be on my heart and I will always believe he is the one...
He is gas lighting you, everything is all your fault, and he will do anything to control you...he puts you down so you lose all confidence...
Get out of this relationship as fast as you can and don't look back, trust me, it will only get worse and he will try to cut you off from all your friends and family so he has more control over you...and he will succeed...believe me....I don't understand us women who fear leaving an abusive relationship...you owe him nothing, just leave....you'll be much better for it....
Don't ever give up who you are for anyone, no one....if someone loves you they wouldn't treat you like this, this isn't love, or even respect...
I think based on the details, you need to stop jumping in and out of relationships...you need to stop feeling like you have to be in a relationship to be successful and do things on your own...if it's meant to be, it will be, regardless, but you need to grow up and stop feeling like you have to be a couple...your hungry right now and you will accept anything that comes along....you are starving for attention, and to be honest, you need to find out why you feel so strongly about needing someone in your life to feel whole.
As others have said, you are facing two separate issues here-- you're in an abusive relationship, and you want your ex back. Put the ex aside for now. Your post sounds like the only way you'll leave the loser you're with is if it's to get back with the ex, and that is the wrong attitude.
Start with your family first. Tell them you need help to leave this guy. Once you have their support, reach out to your friends and tell them what's been going on. The possibility of their rejection may seem less scary if you know you already have other people on your side. And then have them help you lay out a plan to end this relationship. Contact a helpline if you need to; they will have ideas.
hello everyone, thank you for the responses - I want to add something that I should've added to the details of the post. I don't have ANY intention of reaching out to my ex now, while I am still in this abusive relationship. I do not want to jump back into a relationship with him; I just am asking if I should reach out AFTER I leave this relationship and when I feel I have healed properly. I do not feel like I would want to use him ; I think my ex and our past relationship has just really made me realize how I'm not being treated right and I am seeing that I made the wrong decision, and i desire to have him back because I care for him, and he treated me in a way that was special. this relationship over time has revealed a lot. my focus and first step is DEFINITELY leaving this relationship, and I just don't know how. its easier said than done. ESPECIALLY, when you will be alone and want to reach out to people who you are unsure will even accept you back. I don't want to go through the pain of that, because I've gone through enough personal pain for a year and a half now. I really just wanted opinions on whether or not trying to reach out after ive left the relationship and worked on myself would be a bad idea, and if we may have a chance to reconnect. thank you all!!
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